Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it ok to see him if he lies to his wife about me?

73 replies

hideinshame · 28/09/2007 12:53

Hi, name changed here for obvious reasons. I ran into an ex at a reunion, we split up 15 years ago. We're both married with children. We've been out 3 or 4 times together since then (pizza and catch up after work). He has been unfaithful to his wife before and propositioned me at the reunion and I turned him down tho was flattered. Not mentioned it since to eachother. The problem is, when we meet up, I tell my dh I'm seeing the ex, he's fine with it. But the ex lies to his wife and tells her its a work meeting everytime. Is it ok to keep seeing him? I'm honest all round but feel bad for the wife. I've suggested his family come round to ours one day etc but he's not keen. I like having him back in my life. Am I doing the wrong thing at his wife's expense?

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 28/09/2007 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmsMum · 28/09/2007 12:55

You know the answer to this really dont you?

lulumama · 28/09/2007 12:56

are you doing the wrong thing? helllllloooooo????

he is your ex

he has been unfaithful to his wife

he propositioned you

he lies to his wife when he sees you

which bit of this is right ??

you are enjoying the attention and being desired

he is an ex for a reason

cut your losses and run

his wife has been lied and cheated on before, she is being lied to again whilst he tries to get in bed with you

Carmenere · 28/09/2007 12:56

Well you are not responsible for his behaviour but he is having an emotional affair with you behind his wifes back. That is not a position I would be comfortable in tbh. I would tell him that you don't want to see him any more unless you meet his wife or else he is going to continue to hold out hope of getting physical with you. But you know this already.

bananaknickers · 28/09/2007 12:56

Does his wife know about the affair?

charliecat · 28/09/2007 12:57

Well you arent doing anything wrong if you are telling YOUR husband. You have to ask yourself why hes not telling his wife?
Is he hoping it will slip into something more than it is?

MrsFogi · 28/09/2007 12:57

It's all wrong - how would you feel if your dh did to you what your ex is doing with his dw?

alycat · 28/09/2007 12:57

If you found out your husband was meeting another woman and lying to you, how would you feel?

MascaraOHara · 28/09/2007 12:57

he'll shag you if you let him. that's why he's lying to his wife.. it's all groundwork.

Beenleigh · 28/09/2007 12:58

Did you tell your dh he'd propositioned you at the reunion?
Sounds to me like you're heading down the wrong road! Hope you make the right decisions.

ConnorTraceptive · 28/09/2007 12:58

Sorry but why would you want to go out socially with an ex you haven't seen for so long? This isn't a friendship just a nice little ego boost for both of you and is wrong and unfair to BOTH of your partners IMHO

goingfor3 · 28/09/2007 12:59

i expect he wants more than you which is why he can't be honest with his wife yet you can with your husband. I would end the friendship now as it will just lead to frustration.

TigerFeet · 28/09/2007 13:00

If I were you I would be asking myself why he won't tell his wife... if he just wanted to keep it friendly then surely he would tell her and you could all meet up en famille

I would run, and quickly. Or tell him that if he isn't prepared to include his wife/family in your friendship then you aren't interested.

Beenleigh · 28/09/2007 13:00

plus, you've actually talked to him about how he's lying to his wife???? Doesn't sound a particularly platonic conversation to be having. If there was nothing in your rendezvous then why on earth would the pair of you be discussing what he's told his wife about them?

Piggy · 28/09/2007 13:02

Have you told your dh that your ex lies to his wife? Perhaps you should then at least your dh will know what he's up against.

fawkeoff · 28/09/2007 13:02

he obviously wants to get in ur nickers luv or he wouldnt be smiffing around you.he is a predator trying to lure you into a false friendship then will strike and try and shag you.She is a drip for staying with him and he will move on to the next piece of skirt when you give him the elbow.what does your hubby think of this???

wannaBe · 28/09/2007 13:04

technically you're not doing anything wrong as you are being honest with your dh about seeing him etc, but...

You are helping him to deceive his wife.

He is lying to her about you and you agreeing to meet with him means that you are complicit in that lie.

He wants to shag you.

And if it's not you, it will be someone else.

don't make yourself a part of that.

bananaknickers · 28/09/2007 13:04

Perhaps he can't tell his wife because he has cheated before and she will go mad if she finds out? If she has forgiven him, she is an amazing woman in my book and this bloke is being a shit. Even meeting with you platonic and friends he is a lying wanker. His wife deserves better and you should run as quick as you can. Do not have anything to do with him.

wannaBe · 28/09/2007 13:05

maybe you should take your dh along to your next meeting...

wannaBe · 28/09/2007 13:07

but if it's a platonic friendship then surely he would have nothing to hide.

I have male friends and although I don't see them (they live in south africqa) I do talk to them on phone occasionally etc and my dh is fully aware of this - why wouldn't he be? I have nothing to hide from him after all.

It's the lying that's the issue here.

Bouquets · 28/09/2007 13:07

You like having him back in your life now but where do you want the friendship to go? He seems to be leading it down a grubby back alley (metaphorically speaking) where you could get caught up in a horrible situation if his wife finds out, even if you haven't done anything you will feel awful. Is the little bit of flattery you are getting really worth that risk?
Take the reins, make him a nice clean offer and be prepared to lose him if he wants to stay in the shadows. You and his wife deserve some sunshine.

Bouquets · 28/09/2007 13:08

LOL at all my mixed metaphors

haychee · 28/09/2007 13:12

omg
Dont do it, you still have a choice, make a wise one and stay away from the cheating scumbag.

Elasticbandstand · 28/09/2007 13:13

do you secretly like that he doesnt tell his wife>?
did he cheat on you when you were married?
doesnt your dh mind?

haychee · 28/09/2007 13:16

Does he have kids with the poor wife? If yes, you should be ashamed of yourself!