Is it ok to see him if he lies to his wife about me?

[hideinshame]

Hi, name changed here for obvious reasons. I ran into an ex at a reunion, we split up 15 years ago. We're both married with children. We've been out 3 or 4 times together since then (pizza and catch up after work). He has been unfaithful to his wife before and propositioned me at the reunion and I turned him down tho was flattered. Not mentioned it since to eachother. The problem is, when we meet up, I tell my dh I'm seeing the ex, he's fine with it. But the ex lies to his wife and tells her its a work meeting everytime. Is it ok to keep seeing him? I'm honest all round but feel bad for the wife. I've suggested his family come round to ours one day etc but he's not keen. I like having him back in my life. Am I doing the wrong thing at his wife's expense?

Oh Crikey - don't feel guilty about liking the attention. I dream of bumping into my ex looking all gorgeous and glam and smiling sweetly whilst breaking his heart...

obviously, in my dream I am about four stone lighter and don't have bits of mashed potato in my hair and a dried toothpaste on my jumper

well done !

of course it is flattering, of course it is glorious to be desired, but you have spouses and children to think of .. let him try it on with someone else, he surely will.

Oh god, he wasn't even nice back then!!!

I met up with my favourite ex a few years ago, but I invited him to a gig that DH was playing at so although they didn't meet it was v above board. We never actually fell out of love when we split, we just knew we wouldn't be right together longterm and it was getting more and more painful. He was a perfect gent although I found it a real shock looking into another bloke's eyes and just knowing how much love there was for me there.
Now, an ex like that might be worth getting in a mess about.

you know that ur doing the right thing...you dont need this todge bag in your life, he will cause you nothing but trouble

He treated you like shit when you split up. So he had the upper hand and did the dumping? He is just testing to make sure that he can still get you dangling. He just wants the attention, don't give it to him.
BTW if you do keep on seeing him how long before your DH starts to wonder what might be going on, even if he's fine with it now and that could cause probs in your own marriage. You have 'caught up' now so tell him goodbye, have a nice life etc etc.

flibbertyjibbet - spot on.

i'd enjoy 'dumping' him.

How very flattering to be propostioned by a lying git who cheats on his wife.

Wake up and tell him to eff off. Do you really have such low self-esteem that attention from a knob like this makes you feel good about yourself?

I can understand why you may be flattered by the attention of your ex boyfriend, but he sounds a bit of a creep, and you have definitely made the right decision in avoiding meeting up with him unless he brings his wife along.
Well done.

yes. Also sounds like he might have other motives other than friendship id get out b4 things get ugly

Yes, it could become a real head messer for you also.
You have definitely made the right decision all round.

hideinshame yes indeed you should as you clearly know from name change - REALLY on't get how woman do these to one another ..I have been in the sitation a few times before and have NEVER considered it/continuing once I found out another woman was already there...why would you have so little respect for yourself never mind anyone else

God, poor you, I have been there and it is a horrible place to be - I wasn't as wise

He does sound appalling, yes be flattered for a moment but please then get ANGRY with the sh*t, he is using both of you or at least wants to...sorry. I'm being really harsh bt not to you, it isn't you I'm angry with, it's him and the others I've known who do this kind of thing.

Good on you for daring to ask us lot it was the best thing you could have done!

Move on kiddo and ditch the ponse! He is pondscum!

Thing is though, I know how tempting this scenario is. Not that you necessarily want to shag him but in a way, I'd be wanting him to want me massively after such a past rejection. It's pathetic and childish but sometimes we all are.

I'm not saying that's what you're doing Hideinshame but I just wanted to say I can see why you're interested.. . . . . .Your DH sounds like a gem. Your ex sounds like a tosser. . . .. .Ignoring him from now on will give you great farewell opportunity to everything you ever felt for him including the awful rejection.

Because he is, as someone so brilliantly put it, pondscum. Poor cow who married him. He's not an ex RAF officer by any chance, is he? My ex was and he propositioned me a week before he got married. This was when bumping into him whilst he was booking wedding cars .

hi itsgrim, no, not RAF! Let's say in the law and leave it at that. Still appreciate the united front everyone's showing. It's nice to have it confirmed that a) I'm playing with fire, insecure and unsisterly and b) once a scumbag always a scumbag.

perhaps he has a very controlling wife?

feck
in the law makes sense

wouldn't you be a very controlling wife if he has strayed before and the ego to do it again?
In the law makes sense to me too.

Gee sophable so its the wife's fault that he is a lying cheating twunt ....NICE you go girl

Thank goodness you didn't marry him - his wife could be you now!! Awful excuse of a man.

maybe he does have a very controlling wife - in that case its his responsibility to divorce and become single before he goes around propositioning other women. Not rocket science.

agree with the majority, run like hell from this.

Eeeeek. What do you all mean, "In the law. Makes sense." DH is a solicitor!