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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend is cheating on me all the time

67 replies

Soapetal · 29/06/2020 01:23

Hi me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years, he is my first relationship and I am his first too. We have a baby together, he is 10 months old.
He has cheated on me while I was pregnant and continuesly for the last few months ( I always manage to find out) he always says sorry and does not know why he does it. I honestly want to leave him but my son loves him and he is a good dad , just a bad boyfriend....I am not sure how to leave him because I want my boy to grow up with mum and dad together.
I tried to leave him once and he begged me not to and started crying, it's so hard.
I don't understand , what have I done wrong? I'm I not good enough?

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 29/06/2020 01:31

How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 29/06/2020 01:31

He does it because he has no respect for you and thinks you will put up with it and that you wont leave him.

This time leave him and block him initially. He can arrange to see the baby via someone else until you get strong enough not to put up with this bullshit.

user12699422578 · 29/06/2020 01:33

He's not a good dad.

You cannot change him.

If you stay you will be teaching your son that it is normal and acceptable for him to treat women like this too.

Original poster
Soapetal · 29/06/2020 01:34

I'm 20

OP posts:
Original poster
Soapetal · 29/06/2020 01:36

Yes that's true, never thought about that.

OP posts:
BinkyandBunty · 29/06/2020 01:37

He can still be a good dad to your son without being in a sham of a relationship with you and grinding you down to a shadow of your former self.

You're way too young to lock yourself into a lifetime of this shit. Actually, I'd say the same thing if you were 70!

Deadringer · 29/06/2020 01:37

He is a cheating arsehole, he does it because he can. Your baby deserves a better role model than this prick.

JustAnotherDay555 · 29/06/2020 01:38

I am really sorry , that must be really hard. I've seen a few times in this forum when posters have said that he is not a good dad if he's willing to treat his beautiful babies mum like this. He should be taking care of his baby and his family, you. He should show loyalty to you.

If he doesn't want to be with you , he would be treating you a lot more respectfully to leave you than to stay and treat you like this. That you have found out and stayed shows that he can keep having the best of both worlds . Cheating on you is just awful behaviour. He is a bastard.

You don't deserve to be treated like this repeatedly. You don't deserve to be treated like this once.

Crocodile tears when he has betrayed you repeatedly shouldnt be a consideration in your decision. You need to rethink your decision to leave. It was a good one.

You haven't done anything wrong. Absolutely nothing, they do this because of problems and issues that they have. That means that you can't fix it. You can't stop him cheating , and it's not your job to make him act like a decent human being . I'm so sorry.

How do you always find out about the other women?

Cantpickausername5 · 29/06/2020 01:39

Unfortunately there is no magic potion or wand to change a person. He cheats because he can and wants to. There is nothing you can do to change that. Your only option is to accept this or leave. It's never going to stop as he knows he can get away with it time and time again. There are no consequences. I'm so sorry that your going through this but your only option is to leave him at this point.

SkiingIsHeaven · 29/06/2020 01:41

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this but he doesn't love you like you deserve to be loved.

You need to find someone who respects, loves and trusts you and you them.

Good luck

Amiayoungmumthough · 29/06/2020 01:43

Switch the roles. If you cheated on him and cried would he stay?
Also that is a toxic environment for your child.
Much healthier for him to grow up with a mum and dad separated than a dad that cheats at any chance he gets.
How would you want your son to treat women in future? The way your boyfriend treats you is how your son will view as a 'normal' way to treat women.
And most importantly of all of this you deserve to be in a relationship where your boyfriend loves the bones of you and appreciates your sacrifices. He does not sound like that guy.
Leave now. Sooner rather than later is best for you and your child!

Jeremyironsnothing · 29/06/2020 01:48

If he's like this now and has so little respect for you that he does it over and over, and thinks just a sorry will do, then what will it be like in the future?
Don't put up with crap behaviour.

Chattycatty · 29/06/2020 01:48

Better for your little boy to grow up with a confident mother than someone who stays with a cheat. Leave he's never going to change and it will drag you down to the lowest place.

Original poster
Soapetal · 29/06/2020 01:49

I find out when I go on his phone , he had finger print lock but I used his finger when he was asleep and the other times he just gave me his password to make me think he had nothing to hide. Some of the girls know he has a baby and a girlfriend but they dont care, the conversations are just about having sex and meeting up so he goes for easy girls.
I am not even angry anymore , I am slowly planning my way out.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 29/06/2020 01:51

he's a lousy partner, a lousy dad, and a bad role model for your son.

Fattyboom · 29/06/2020 01:56

Oh sweetheart, he is a fucking c@nt and will never change, if he was going to change he would have only cheated once and been so horrified when you found out he would have begged you to stay and wouldn't have done it again because he would have learnt his lesson . You are worth a million times more than he is....

PheasantPlucker1 · 29/06/2020 01:57

Plan your way out!

You deserve so much better, and so does your child. Whats you situation like, do you work at all or have somewhere you could stay?

JustAnotherDay555 · 29/06/2020 02:02

I know it is easy to blame the women he is with, and I can understand this. But please keep your focus on the person who is betraying you. By getting angry at the women it is deflecting the focus and blame from where it should be.

He doesn't sound very discreet. I worry that he wants you to find out. This is behaviour that is even more cruel , do you think he wants you to find out?

I am so glad you are planning on leaving but I'm sad that you sound so jaded . You are just a baby at 20 years old, this is too much for you to deal with.

You need to get out and focus on your beautiful boy.

Original poster
Soapetal · 29/06/2020 02:06

Yes I work and I already kicked him out because I want the baby to start getting used to idea of him not waking up in our house. I have a home that I rent and my family help me out , they have no idea about his cheating habits because I dont to let my family down, i prefere to just tell them it didnt work out. I dont think I love him anymore so it will not be hard to leave him, just feel sorry for my son that his dad wont wake up with us and sad because I wanted a happy family .

OP posts:
PheasantPlucker1 · 29/06/2020 02:08

You havent let anyone down. There is nothing you could have done to stop him, men like this will cheat on every partner.

You should think about telling a few close people just for support. He should be ashamed, not you

Original poster
Soapetal · 29/06/2020 02:11

Now that you mention it, I did always think it was too easy to find out, he often leaves his phone with me when he showers and he knows I go on it to to check if he has cheated, he never seems shocked just says sorry and that he will try to stop but if I ever look at another guy for a second he goes mental and jealous. I am worried now that he wants me to know that he is cheating , but why on earth would he want that?

OP posts:
Fattyboom · 29/06/2020 02:13

You haven't let anyone down, he has. And let them support you, don't hide it. Your son is 10 months old, he won't know any different. I'm sorry that your view of what your relationship could be hadn't come to pass, but much better now that when your DC can recall it v and understand the heartache ThanksThanks

Fattyboom · 29/06/2020 02:17

but if I ever look at another guy for a second he goes mental and jealous. I am worried now that he wants me to know that he is cheating , but why on earth would he want that?

Because he wants to control you, and for you to be so desperate that you overlook his transgressions because you are so desperate to keep hold of him, after all he must REALLY love you to be so jealous when he has no reason to be, right? 🤔

Original poster
Soapetal · 29/06/2020 02:22

Yes, when I posted this I was confused and feeling sorry now I'm pissed off and I am gonna get rid of him, my son can still see him but I'm done. I just hate that he managed to make me feel a bit insecure like was it me that made him do it because I'm not good enough but I guess that's life.

OP posts:
JustAnotherDay555 · 29/06/2020 02:25

If he wants you to find out, it can be for a couple of reasons, none of them are good.

He wants you to feel jealous and insecure, which grinds you down and makes you controllable and malleable, which over time gives him more ability to do whatever he wants while believing you will just accept it.

He has a sadistic streak and likes making and seeing you upset. I know that sounds far fetched but it could be a reason for this.

A third reason would be that he is trying to force you to end the relationship, but that doesn't sound like it's the case?