Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has Mumsnet changed your attitude to sex (and/or men?)

82 replies

NoMoreDickheads · 04/05/2020 18:03

I might've got there anyway, or it could be just a phase, but I think that Mumsnet has made me realize how much men use women as objects and it has put me off casual sex with men as it seems as if they are disrespectful.

I know some people have good FWB experiences (mine was bad) or casual experiences, but I just don't feel like I would be into the thought that I was being used as a bouncy castle now. (I know women can be as into an encounter as men and stuff- just my feeling about their attitude at the moment.)

Has Musnet changed your attitude to sex or men in any way?

Oh and I think I will see through the various behaviours of men more- or at least, I hope so!

OP posts:
Dialdownthedrama · 04/05/2020 18:16

Nope. MN has some great advice and some shit. It hasn't made me view men differently at all.

RigaBalsam · 04/05/2020 18:23

It's made me realise they aren't all after sex and lots have a very low sex drive.

LexMitior · 04/05/2020 18:23

No. It was men who did that.

Btw, if you turn it around on men they do not like it either. Assuming you have a good time but do not bother to call them back, then this seems to make them annoyed or similarly dismissed.

I think the idea that all people can do casual sex is misplaced.

LightenUpSummer · 04/05/2020 18:31

I feel exactly the same as you OP. From reading here and also in real life.

I'm so cynical now Sad I see men using women as (often interchangable) sex and housework objects everywhere I look.

Am trying to convince myself I'll find a good egg, but if feels like a needle in a haystack situation. Egg in a haystack? Grin

Luckily I'm fortunate to be able to support myself and the dc, and be happy, alone.

LightenUpSummer · 04/05/2020 18:33

P.S. I don't mean interchangable between sex and housework, I mean they just replace the previous woman with the next, with seemingly no interest in her as an individual, beyond if she seems like no trouble and willing to look after the house.

No offence at all to those women, of which I tried to be one in my marriage.

LochJessMonster · 04/05/2020 18:37

I actually have a bit more sympathy for men, seeing how they are immediately jumped on here. They literally can’t do anything right in the eyes of MN

Menora · 04/05/2020 18:46

It’s made me view myself differently and my choices

PippaPegg · 04/05/2020 18:50

It's made me resolve "confusion" or feeling victimised by past experiences especially casual sex or dating type experiences. It's made me realise I did nothing wrong and didn't deserve to be treated that way. I was just naive and had been brought up without proper boundaries so didn't know how to spot creepy behaviour or how to assert myself to get out of an unpleasant situation. I don't blame myself for any of that any more and I don't obsess over what I "did wrong". I think about it almost never now.

MerryDeath · 04/05/2020 18:51

i think MN has crystallised a lot of what i have observed. i am a bit of a man hater these days. but then i also lived through my twenties and saw some. shit.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 04/05/2020 18:51

I'm so confused op. You are saying you don't want to be looked at as an object, or a bouncy castle, but you are specifically talking about casual sex? Aren't people who want casual sex looking for just sex, like without all of the relationship stuff? Maybe I'm really misunderstanding you, but isn't casual sex about just sex?

Pelleas · 04/05/2020 18:57

I think I have become more assertive since joining - less tolerant of crap - although it's hard to say how much of that is due to Mumsnet because I joined as I was heading towards my mid-40s which is an age when women typically start giving less of a fuck.

Youcanstay · 04/05/2020 19:36

No, not really.
I found reddit, before MN , i lurked all reddit and the men really showed what they are.
So not much suprises on here.

Original poster
NoMoreDickheads · 04/05/2020 19:39

Luckily I'm fortunate to be able to support myself and the dc, and be happy, alone.

@LightenUpSummer Yep I don't feel the need for men at the moment. Happy Singleton. Smile

It’s made me view myself differently and my choices

@Menora What sort of things?

@PippaPegg Absolutely. Are you with anyone now? I'm all psyched up to assert myself if/when I meet another one or if any are crap. Grin I can't say I don't think about it- I don't blame myself but I get a little angry. Not in a bad way though- hopefully in a way that will motivate me not to put up with stuff again.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras Yes. I'm saying I've gone off the idea of it. I think there may be respectful ways to have/act after casual sex, but most men don't do it.

i think MN has crystallised a lot of what i have observed. i am a bit of a man hater these days. but then i also lived through my twenties and saw some shit.

@MerryDeath It's like the site has an ethos that makes sense of everyday experiences, and also helps us navigate them.

@Pelleas I'm 43 so I get what you mean. Some women are like it from a fairly young age, they won't put up with shit, or at least will tell men it's not ok when they act out of line. Maybe they have a different temperament or upbringing.

OP posts:
NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 04/05/2020 19:48

No, I don't think it has. They're still pains in the arse, as general rule. However, as a straight woman, they are my only option as far as attraction goes Hmm

What MN has done is make me more aware of just how awesome and inspirational women are. And that is absolutely priceless Blush

managedmis · 04/05/2020 19:50

Yup. It's verified what I thought - the vast majority of men are utter scum, basically.

If they can treat women like shit, they will.

managedmis · 04/05/2020 19:52

It's also made me ruthless in getting what I need out of men, especially at work. I can stroke your ego and make you think I might sleep with you to get what I want /need.

As far as I'm concerned it's a 2 way relationship, just using each other.

Women can and should exploit men in the way men exploit women.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 04/05/2020 20:02

Women can and should exploit men in the way men exploit women.

Wouldn't work for me, I'm afraid. I'm tough. I'm resilient. But I'm not ruthless. An eye for an eye leaves the world blind and all that jazz Blush

Anyway, I'm not sure that them thinking that I might sleep with them would get me what I need Grin

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 04/05/2020 22:22

I'm late 20s and have been reading MN since my early twenties. I was already fairly cynical before but now I'm much worse Grin.

It has made me very wary of marriage and having children because of how it can trap women. It has reinforced the message my DM had already hammered into me not to ever become financially dependent on a man or give up work. Its shocked me how many man use sex workers and porn and have affairs. The amount of women treated like domestic slaves is horrific on here. I was already fairly clued up on DV having worked in that area but MN has emphasised lots more how common it really is.

Hedgehog44 · 04/05/2020 22:25

I feel sorry for quite a lot of them!!!

Heartburn888 · 04/05/2020 22:30

I was thinking something similar to this the other day. Before mumsnet I never knew there was a name for gaslighting or love bombing. I always thought it was me that made almost every guy I chose to have a relationship with, act almost identical and I was destined for this type of partner.

Mumsnet has opened my eyes to a lot of things like realisation of abusive relationships and behaviours. Some mumsnetters are quite blunt at times and advice can be hard to swallow but sometimes it’s a good thing, right?

This place has given me the knowledge to identify abusive behaviours, given me strength and courage to leave an abusive relationship and also given me hope that I can meet someone else and things will be positively different. I feel like I have learned more about boundaries and that my feelings matter and that I matter.

Opentooffers · 04/05/2020 22:47

I'd say that if the casual sex partner you are involved with is good at fulfilling the sometimes complex but rewarding physical requirements women have ie. is giving lots as well as recieving, then it would be less about objectification. But if he's a selfish lover, then yes, you are probably viewed as an object. That probably goes for any relationship though, not just casual, any man who doesn't put effort in, and makes it too much about their enjoyment, has issues around entitlement and objectification, and deserves binning :-)

StinkyWizzleteets · 04/05/2020 22:50

Oh yeah. I loved men and sex but I came on mumsnet and decided to join a convent*. because the power of the internet n all that crap

*not really still love men and sex

BadApe · 04/05/2020 22:53

Yup. It's verified what I thought - the vast majority of men are utter scum, basically.

You may be right but given the behaviours of women you see on here you could say exactly the same about women...

BadApe · 04/05/2020 22:53

(First part of above post is quoting a PP)

FizzyPink · 04/05/2020 22:58

Being on MN has definitely opened my eyes to how prolific affairs and cheating by men is. I try to remind myself that people aren’t on here posting about their very happy lives but it genuinely is shocking how many seemingly happy women in secure relationships are totally blindsided by a discovery

Swipe left for the next trending thread