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Original poster

Couples who don’t live together but one of you has a kid-advice

52 replies

BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 10:07

A quick question for any couples who don’t live together but one of you has a child. During the lock down have you:
A) moved you and your child into your bf/gf house
B) they have come to stay with you
C) Neither and you’re just going to see eachother when this is all over.

I usually see my BF 3/4 nights a week and I’m just after a bit of perspective. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 11:02

Bump 👍🏻

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 26/03/2020 11:06

Not in your situation but it's an easy 'C' from me!!!

category12 · 26/03/2020 11:08

I don't think it's wise to fast-forward your relationship when you have dc because of the pandemic. The hardship of staying apart doesn't make moving in together the right thing to do. If you were on your own, then you could knock yourself out, move in, take that chance, but with kids, no.

category12 · 26/03/2020 11:13

(And I do have kids and I don't know when I'll next see my bloke.)

Fairycake2 · 26/03/2020 11:22

C

YoureAllGrounded · 26/03/2020 11:24

We've officially moved in with DP due to this pandemic. We were between houses anyway and had planned to move in at the end of April, so it's just moved slightly quicker.

But we've been together for nearly 5 years so it makes sense.

If it's a relatively new relationship I don't think you should be thinking of moving in with each other.
So it depends on circumstances.

Pipandmum · 26/03/2020 11:24

C.
If you were both parents of the child and shared custody the child is allowed to go between parents, but in your case you must wait until it's all over.

FreedomBird · 26/03/2020 11:26

We were planning to move mid April anyway but have sped up the process. I don’t know what we’d have done otherwise.

FreedomBird · 26/03/2020 11:27

...Although I think we’d have moved in anyway. One of my biggest concerns was what if I got Ill and couldn’t look after myself/the kids. I have asthma so could potentially become very unwell.
I have no family nearby at all.

Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 11:47

We’ve been together for just over 2 years. Dc are with their dad as we (bf and I) we’re isolating as we had been in contact with a family
Member of his who is a confirmed case. Out of isolation on Sunday though and dc due back Monday. Mentioned to BF about us staying together and it seemed like the idea has never entered his mind and it appears he would rather we don’t see each other than all live together

OP posts:
category12 · 26/03/2020 11:49

Oh well, he doesn't want to, so it's not really a dilemma.

category12 · 26/03/2020 11:50

Quite upsetting tho, I guess. But probably for the best.

SimonJT · 26/03/2020 11:54

B, but accidentally.

My son developed a cough when my boyfriend was here so he had to SI with us as his housemate has CF. Due to his housemates CF even when SI is over on Saturday he can’t go home as it would put his housemate at risk.

We were planning on possible moving in together in around 9 months time, so while we had talk about it, we ideally didn’t want it this soon. Going okay so far!

funnylittlefloozie · 26/03/2020 12:06

Wow, thats pretty cold of him. Do you mean you two have been isolating together while your children were away, but now they're coming back home, he wants to go back to his own place?

My partner and i didnt live together before this, although we've spoken about it lots. We are both key workers, and we've decided that he should move in here for the foreseeable future. We wanted to be together, and its cheaper/ safer for us to live as one household (e.g. only one person going shopping, etc).

Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 12:19

Yep we’ve been isolating together whilst dc at their dad. Due home on Monday and mentioned about dc coming here (his house) or us going to mine. He completely dismissed the idea

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 12:20

Which is so unlike him. He’s usually lovely and has never ever given me any indication that he didn’t want my dc around. Makes a lot of effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 12:20

So now I feel totally gutted.

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 12:20

For me and insulted for me my kid

OP posts:
Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 12:21

So I just wanted to see if me thinking we’d spend it together with my kid was me being absolutely ridiculous or normal thinking

OP posts:
SuperficialSuzie · 26/03/2020 12:26

Oh that sounds very unkind of him Flowers you must be very hurt.

It seems like your OH doesn't want to participate in family life.

Original poster
BillyGoatWoof · 26/03/2020 12:30

I am so hurt. This has kind of come out of the blue, he’s always so kind and loving. I feel a bit distraught

OP posts:
EverydayLife · 26/03/2020 12:31

C for me although it’s hard and I don’t know if the relationship will survive.

ILikePaperHats · 26/03/2020 12:34

C for me too. We had no plans to live together anyway and think we would drive each other mad! It's going to be hard not seeing him but we'll keep in touch every day by phone.

Fairycake2 · 26/03/2020 12:34

Having not long ago had my husband leave after 7 years citing he no longer wanted to be a step dad any more, I would say proceed with extreme caution. You don't want your DC getting attached to someone who doesn't sound like they want to be around them full time

category12 · 26/03/2020 12:36

It is really hurtful, op. Flowers

But if he's not ready to or doesn't want to live with your dc, it's better to know.

But helluva slap in the face. Sorry.