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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Oh God, I kissed a colleague last night

65 replies

nothappy1234 · 14/12/2019 09:38

It was at a xmas work do once we both left to go home. He was drunk and I was tipsy, at least. We're both single and liked each other for a long time. He took my number.

Before all this he told me he was leaving the job once he'd worked out his notice in the new year.
He wants to date in between times. But my worry is it's going to be sooooo awkward until he leaves.

Also he was pretty forthright about wanting sex as soon as we meet up, which is a bit too soon for me personally. I don't really want FWB or any of that. Oh jesus what if he just pretends it never happened? Or what if he tells everybody and they take the piss endlessly...

Just wanted to get perspectives

OP posts:

Miniloso · 14/12/2019 09:44

I’d be more disgusted that he’s asked for sex as soon as you meet up. He should be the one who is embarrassed, not you. I’d forget any idea of dating this man and just treat him professionally when you next see him. No shame on your part, you had a Christmas party kiss - we’ve all done it!

Give him a wide berth - he does not sound like a prize.

Zzzz19 · 14/12/2019 09:46

You need to higher your standards. He sounds like a right dickhead

Bendybop · 14/12/2019 09:46

He will tell at least one person. Unless there is power imbalance i dont think anyone will care its just gossip.

SkySmiler · 14/12/2019 09:48

Pretty forthright in wanting sex... Classy. Bullet - dodged.

TuttiCutie · 14/12/2019 09:50

Also he was pretty forthright about wanting sex as soon as we meet up

What a bellend.

He doesn't want to date you, he wants a shag.

If you're up for that then crack on, if you want dating leading to a relationship he isn't the specimen for you.

Tableclothing · 14/12/2019 09:50

Are you sure that his definition of "date" and your definition of "date" are the same? It doesn't sound like the most romantic incident. If you're not up for fwb then definitely don't shag him until you're sure you're happy with where things are going, because it does sound like that's what he wants.

what if he tells everybody and they take the piss endlessly... Pull a wry expression and say "yep, snogging X was really stupid of me" and get on with your day.

what if he just pretends it never happened? Would that be a problem?

jinglebelldogs · 14/12/2019 09:52

I think by the sounds of him op you should be the one pretending it never happened....

Startingoveragain1 · 14/12/2019 09:53

Thats almost an unspoken rule of the Christmas work do: someone ends up kissing someone. No shame. The fact he straight up asked for sex is cringy.do u really want to date him? Better to leave it at a drunken xmas do kiss than sleeping with him and have everyone talking...

Mermaidtissues · 14/12/2019 10:08

He was very drunk so I would probably go on a date but be very clear about how you want to pace things, I would be wary but you say that you have liked each other a while.

Is his new job local?

SavoyCabbage · 14/12/2019 10:12

Were you pretty forthright in what you wanted in any relationship going forwards?

BloggersBlog · 14/12/2019 10:17

So he wants a One night stand then. Well at least he is being honest....yep, bellend

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/12/2019 10:19

He doesn't want to date you. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He just wants to shag you and no strings attached.

If that's what you want, go ahead. But there is not going to be a relationship going forward. I'd just blank him from hereon.

It's only as awkward and embarrassing as you make it. If he makes reference to it, just pretend you were so drunk you can't remember.

JemSynergy · 14/12/2019 10:22

The wanting sex straight away would put me totally off. Warning signs right there. Sounds like he wants to use you for a night or two.

Goldenchildsmum · 14/12/2019 10:23

Oh jesus what if he just pretends it never happened? Or what if he tells everybody and they take the piss endlessly...

Let's hope he ignores the situation as that's best case for you - you surely don't want to be a hole he pokes?

If he tells everyone then you know for sure that he's a tosser. And you just say 'yes, we had a drunken kiss, all over now'

TreeSwayer · 14/12/2019 10:28

We're both single and liked each other for a long time

I assume there is a policy in place that discourages relationships in the work place otherwise why on earth have you not had a date before now?

Personally, he seems skeevy saying he wants sex immediately. Boak. Certainly not a catch in my book.

So what if he tells someone, as stated above you are both single. I have been witness to many a married person snogging someone else also married at a Christmas party. That surely is more embarrassing, or even worse Tracey, a married mother of 3, used to show her breasts at every Christmas party! I was early 20s and was completely shocked by this sort of behaviour.

See how it goes on Monday, style it out, you kissed someone, you didn't strip naked.

TatianaLarina · 14/12/2019 10:44

If he tells anyone and wants sex right away then you know he’s a twat. Attraction over.

messolini9 · 14/12/2019 10:47

Erm ... presumably as you don't state otherwise (which I thought was what the "Oh God" was about), you are single & he is single. What is the problem?

But my worry is it's going to be sooooo awkward until he leaves.
Then don't date him until he has left.
Also - don't have sex with him until/unless you wish to.

See? Easy, innit.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 14/12/2019 10:55

he was pretty forthright about wanting sex as soon as we meet up

Surely that is a huge red flag??

messolini9 · 14/12/2019 10:56

Oh jesus what if he just pretends it never happened? Or what if he tells everybody and they take the piss endlessly...

Why are all your thoughts focused on him? If he might stay or leave his job, if he wants sex, if he might tell people, if he might ignore the kiss now ... where the fuck is YOUR agency in all this OP?

Your initial post doesn't say one thing about what YOU want.
I find this a bit ... concerning.
There is no need to be so passive & accepting.
How about acting, rather than being acted upon?
Decide what outcome you want from the kiss, whether that is writing it off as a party thing & thinking no more of it, or pursuing a relationship with this guy AFTER he has left, or anything YOU want - & do it.

Life isn't modelled on Snow White, there is no need for you to be doing all this thinking & worrying about what your Prince wants to do. You are not actually in a coma waiting for a kiss to awaken, & you can do as YOU choose - you don't have to wait for or accept his directions on the matter.
Just do what you want.
Guy may not want the same as you, but at least you would then be acting for yourself.

vassdal · 14/12/2019 10:59

Tell him you won't date him until he has left because you don't want things to be awkward.
If he's interested in you for more than just a shag he'll arrange a date after his notice period.
If he just wants a shag then you'll hear nothing more from him and that'll be the end of it.
Nothing turns me off faster than some bloke kissing you once and then immediately talking about having sex the next time you meet up.
If the sex were to happen the next time you met up with him due to "one thing leading to another", a lot of mutual attraction etc - that's fair enough - but to mention it before you've even gone out on a date with him is just too much.
I'd be forgetting about the whole ASAP if I were you.

Namechangedyorkshire · 14/12/2019 11:01

I would give him a miss. What he wants to do is fuck you rather than have a relationship. Give him a miss as he isn't a prize catch.

HamAndPineapple · 14/12/2019 11:04

Yeh, he wants a shag!

saraclara · 14/12/2019 11:05

Jeeze. No. He's not after a relationship, he's after sex.

Give him a wide berth, and if he asks why you're doing so, tell him.

ThighThighOfthigh · 14/12/2019 11:06

He was pissed, I would forgive the sex talk. So, two single people who have liked each other a while had a snog, it's OK.

Meet him for lunch after he has left the job and see how he behaves.

MissBPotter · 14/12/2019 11:08

Agree with pp’s that him saying he wants sex straightaway is basically just telling you he’s only in this for a quick shag. So I personally wouldn’t go on a date with him if that’s not what you want. And either way sounds like a totally inadvisable thing to do with a colleague!

Don’t worry, a kiss at a Christmas party is not that big a deal, loads worse you could have done!

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