Man alert!!!!!

[jackrabbit]

Hi, married man of 40, gorgeous wife, 3 young kids (also gorgeous), sex life....a desert! Have tried just about everything to get things started.... candlelit baths for two, romantic weekends away, cuddling up in front of a good film etc etc.
Her libido seems to have headed south and i just think that after all day looking after the little uns there just isn't anything else left to give.
i was wondering if anyone was able to recommend some erotic fiction that may help to re-ignite the fire? i did buy "girl with a one track mind" which i know she looked at but described as pornography. Not wanting to make the same mistake twice, any ideas??
Or any other suggestions?

Hmmm...

dropdead, exactly! but i crave the shagfestlovingkitten back in my life!

Mate, there's definately too much focus on sex. If she's not feeling sexy / wanting sex, keeping it as the focus will just make her feel worse.

All good. Apart from the naked thing. Too pressurising You must look as if sex was the last thing on your mind. Even if it isn't. If you've done any good it will be on her mind which obviously is best outcome.

The reason there were so many responses is that so many of us have been there (are still there) from both sides.

My DH thinks I'm very happy all the time...sometimes I'm thinking about chucking myself under a tram......

Could you send her to a spa/hobby weekend just on her own? Oh - and hide the mop!

all good jackrabbit, except the bit about you being naked. she doesn't want sex at the moment!! give her time.

JackRabbit - do you help out around the home without being asked and without expecting a medal when you do do something? Can you take over a task which is yours to do week in weekout (my DH does the ironing and puts it away)? Do you thank your wife for cooking the meals or making sure your home is clean and tidy? This to me is far more likely to get me in the mood than a sexy book or a weekend away. You sound like a great bloke by the way and I'm sorry if you do already do what I've suggested. I'm not sure how old your DCs are but ours are 5 and 2.6 and I'm only just starting to feel as sexy as I did before they were born. It will get better. Good luck.

Girls, it was a joke!

Thanks chipbutty, yes, yes & yes.
Lets hope things get better

Ormirian's advice re looking as though sex were the last thing on your mind is critical to the success of your cunning plan.
I have two words for you which IMO leave saucy books dead in the (bath) water - Jo Malone. If these mean nothing to you then they really should .
I too would be decoking the kitchen/hoovering maniacally if left alone in my "home". For all the reasons other Mners have posted - guilt, exasperation, lack of time.
Best of luck jackrabbit

Make sure the house is clean, clean, clean first! I'd actually spring for a set of professional cleaners to come round whilst she's out... standing there naked could simply be explained by the fact that you didn't want to drop dirt anywhere after they'd been so it'd be spotless for her return home.

I'd also upgrade the glass of wine to a bottle...!

Also for me, having a good laugh with DH can get me in the mood (I'm not suggesting you do stand up (comedy that is!)) but a funny film, talking about things you did as kids, playing Pictionary, drunk Operation, something like that always reminds me why I fell in love with him in the first place and that gets me all a-tingle

You know what I think you should do
Get a cleaner, at least twice a week
then she won't spend her whole time doing housework

THEN after a week or so
pack her off to a spa and get your feather duster and doughnuts ready...

thanks to one & all for your time & help.

Let us know how it goes!

All your ideas sound fab - but just wanted to check whether the cause could be chemical/hormonal - you say you have 3 kids - has your DP started on a new contraceptive pill or something - this can effect libido..

What used to work in the past Jackrabbit? Was she a 'long slow romantic build up' type of girl. If not, then you'll probably get short shrift (as I would) if it's too obvious what your game is.

Nothing less attractive than desperation!

And this is likely to be a very unpopular bit of advice, but what worked for us after an 8 month sabbatical was waiting until the baby was asleep, both being in a generally good mood and just 'pouncing' unexpectedly.

Do all the romantic stuff first anyway, of course... had to say that to avoid being lynched.

thanks dadada, don't think that the pouncing tactic will work

hmmm..pouncing is likely to get a negative response i agree

You have to be pretty sure the pouncing is going to be welcome I agree! Depends on the individual - my DW prefers a bit of spontenaiety and any kind of 'appointment' for intimacy would be way too much pressure.

dadada..i do understand what you're saying though.spontaniety is good...noone likes a routine approach...

Spontaneity.. One of us will get it right sooner or later

I'm waiting for all the women to point out that all the blokes are thinking about ways of getting sex.