Man alert!!!!!

[jackrabbit]

Hi, married man of 40, gorgeous wife, 3 young kids (also gorgeous), sex life....a desert! Have tried just about everything to get things started.... candlelit baths for two, romantic weekends away, cuddling up in front of a good film etc etc.
Her libido seems to have headed south and i just think that after all day looking after the little uns there just isn't anything else left to give.
i was wondering if anyone was able to recommend some erotic fiction that may help to re-ignite the fire? i did buy "girl with a one track mind" which i know she looked at but described as pornography. Not wanting to make the same mistake twice, any ideas??
Or any other suggestions?

Can only suggest you try different things and ask her which she liked best. Everybody has their individual preferences, after all.

Sorry if you were looking for a soft porn manual, but that's the straight answer!

Yeah, it's a bit weird for you to come on here and ask for tips on how to get off with your wife and what to do to her, jackrabbit as if she's some kind of lesser human to be manipulated by you.

Like Annie says the only person who can tell you what she likes (if she likes anything with you that is) is her.

My answer would be learn to take no for an answer instead of trying desperately to change her mind. She knows what she wants and if it isn't sex with you that's her decision and you need to respect it.

she needs "Me Time" before anything else. Let her have some time on her own or with friends first, no kids and no you. Let's say an entire Saturday when she can do as she likes - a lie in, shopping, hair done, even organising the shelves if it makes her feel happy! Don't plan/organise anything for her during the day and let her weigh up the options herself (although offer to pay ).

Oh the joy of having time and choices to do as you like! Then once she has had the day to herself, plan the evening with her and you - leave the kids with their nan or a friend overnight. She'll be rested and relaxed and will have somethign to talk to you about other than the kids. maybe she'll come round to hopping into bed with you for more than sleep and maybe not - don;t pressurise her. If sex doesn;t happen, plan another evening, just the two of you a week or two later and then I bet it happens.

is she having body image issues maybe, hence the lack of confidence/libido?

as for the tips on sex - sorry, you've got a tongue so use it.....to TALK to her.

What TMMJ said.

It's very odd how this thread has been resurrected - but also how many posts you can find in this section, in fact across mumsnet, about this sort of thing, from both Men and Women. It would be great if we all had partners who had the same libido us us, but I am afraid it is one of those things where there is very little room for compromise.

I speak as a man who has not had so much as a hug for maybe 10 years, and has had to accept that, because I love my wife. I suspect that most relationships are like this, it is just a question of degree.

My advice is to make the decision about how important this is - I think that I have some quite unrealistic ideas about love, and what i expect is probably from a fairy tale. It can destroy you, unless you just give up.

tdotb I feel so sad to hear that you have not had so much as a hug for 10 years.

Just one more for you- have you ASKED HER what she wants to make it happen? We don't know- but SHE might!

Sex begins in the head and for women their biggest erogenous zone is in between their ears.

For me,all the spas and treats in the world wouldn't work if i didn't feel my man was interested in me - and if he didn't offer some stimulating conversation.

It might not be the sex at all she has gone off- it might be the fact that you never help,cook a meal, take the kids off her hands talk about you all night long, don't ask her about her dreams for the next 30 years- whatever. I need a connection to feel like sex. Ask her if SHE does!

The thing is, sex is COMMUNICATION. it's not called MAKING LOVE for nothing. If you aren't communicating with her- which you aren't as you have had to ask us! - then how can it work in bed?

WTF is going on.

JR posted this exact same question on Tuesday too.

mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=525681#10692587

And got some responses.

Were they not good enough for you JR? Why start a whole new thread? Why not just bump up your original one.

For me, this OP's behaviour is extremely suspicious.

Now four threads in 12 months, all about sex.

Feeling a little at this

you sound great!! feather duster,brill! want my hubbys fone number to give him tips lol. im sure things will be ok,the advice given is all great,im a bit the same as her and would love my man to do some of these things,just dont pressure her,make her laugh,thats a great relaxer. good luck.

oops i posted here after reading only the first page so missed all the other convo. im new to this.sorry