Hi
I am new here. Looking for opinions please.
So for the past 7 months my husband of 5 years has been messaging my big sister. My sis is 10 years older than us both.
So at first it was normal chat and she replied. Then flirty chat such as commenting on her face and body. After that my sister shut him down . Bear in mind she calles my husband her little brother and has done for years. She never told me and her reason was because she did not want to hurt me. And was hoping it was my hubby being stupid and he would get the hint.
He then started messaging her and insulting our sex life. Something like. " I have needs that my wife cannot meet, i have tried no point. I feel embarrassed asking her for something. I am a man i have needs i cannot help it, stronger than others. I think about doing it with others, your picture is not helping, take it off. "Tell me how to fix this problem, can you help me, i have always been into all types of women not just one (meaning sleeping with more than one). Sometimes i wish i married the wrong sister, see it is thoughts like that. Your husband is lucky to have you". Stay pretty. My wife use to wear nail polish not anymore, i miss it. Do you wear it. You look about 18, not 35. Can you help me tell me what to do with these desires and thoughts. Its fine maybe i should work on bringing the spark back in my marriage. Please dont tell my wife she will end the marriage. I am ashamed but i am a good man deep inside i just have needs. When she would ignore messages. He would say "i am having problems with my wife just need someone to talk to".
All chats were initiated by him. My sister shut him down and also told him to speak to me if there are issues there.
She saved the chat on her phone. And showed me telling me she did not wanna hide it any longer
He deleted his chat.
I feel like he was trying to get her to flirt back or try and sleep with her.
Telling her heels and nails are hot does she wear nailpolish. Wish he was older.
His response is.. it was just friendly chat and then i was just joking to get a reaction out of her. I do not fancy your sister never have. I lied and said we have problems in our marriage so she would give a reaction. It was entertainment for me. Yeah now that i look back it was probably flirting he says. But he says he had no intention to sleep with her. And that our sex life is fine. Yet he told my sister it isnt and showed her that he wanted her. Seems like he created fake marital issues in order to justify his flirting and potential affair with my sis. (My sis would never sleep with a man she calls her little brother.
The thing is my husband has been texting and deleting messages off his phone. She was innocent with her texts so saved them there.
She says she messaged him as a brother and then realised he was flirting so blocked him and was afraid she would ruin our marriage if she spoke up.
What do you make of all this.
When she would ignore him he would text " where were you hiding" and then the texts off him start again.
What made my sister tell me is that she unblocked him with the hope that he as a grown man got the message that he crossed the line. 24hrs after being unblocked from 5 weeks of being blocked.
He texts "did you block me"
She lied and said her whatsapp was not working and she lied and said she had family issues to fix.
"Ok i have been having some issues myself so i know what u mean i am here if you need to talk"
She texts saying ok.
"I did something big" OH
"What. Sis
"God forgives me i hope" OH
"Omg you cheated on my sister" sis
"It makes me happy. OH
"I have to tell her it feels like i am betraying her if i don't" Sis
"No don't besides you dont know what i am talking about" OH
'She will find out you know" Sis
"What she does not know cannot hurt her"OH
"did you cheat" sis
"I CANNOT confirm or deny" OH
So now OH says he has not cheated (he goes to work and comes home and eats out and plays snooker so i dont think he has cheated. Hope i am right. He says he did it to get a reaction off her..
How did my OH not worry that my sis would eventually tell me all the texts he sent?
If he was going to flirt and hint at her for sex, why choose my lovely loved up with her OH sister and not some lady at work etc??
He played with fire. And was not afraid?
He says he was bored and friendship led to flirting but he does not fancy her or wants to sleep with her. Not has cheated? Or has he?
What is all this? Is he crazy. How did he act like he was not flirting with her when she was around in person yet do it on text. Like two different people.
If OH can flirt and attempt to hint for sex with my sister. Surely he can do this with a random lady.
So now he is begging me to forgive him. But not going to lie. I am hurt. I feel inadequate, lied to, deceived, like how he has been sneaking around to text. Thoughts? Do i let it go.