Found out last night hubby been texting explicit stuff to sister

[Tomtomx]

Hi

I am new here. Looking for opinions please.

So for the past 7 months my husband of 5 years has been messaging my big sister. My sis is 10 years older than us both.
So at first it was normal chat and she replied. Then flirty chat such as commenting on her face and body. After that my sister shut him down . Bear in mind she calles my husband her little brother and has done for years. She never told me and her reason was because she did not want to hurt me. And was hoping it was my hubby being stupid and he would get the hint.

He then started messaging her and insulting our sex life. Something like. " I have needs that my wife cannot meet, i have tried no point. I feel embarrassed asking her for something. I am a man i have needs i cannot help it, stronger than others. I think about doing it with others, your picture is not helping, take it off. "Tell me how to fix this problem, can you help me, i have always been into all types of women not just one (meaning sleeping with more than one). Sometimes i wish i married the wrong sister, see it is thoughts like that. Your husband is lucky to have you". Stay pretty. My wife use to wear nail polish not anymore, i miss it. Do you wear it. You look about 18, not 35. Can you help me tell me what to do with these desires and thoughts. Its fine maybe i should work on bringing the spark back in my marriage. Please dont tell my wife she will end the marriage. I am ashamed but i am a good man deep inside i just have needs. When she would ignore messages. He would say "i am having problems with my wife just need someone to talk to".

All chats were initiated by him. My sister shut him down and also told him to speak to me if there are issues there.

She saved the chat on her phone. And showed me telling me she did not wanna hide it any longer
He deleted his chat.
I feel like he was trying to get her to flirt back or try and sleep with her.
Telling her heels and nails are hot does she wear nailpolish. Wish he was older.
His response is.. it was just friendly chat and then i was just joking to get a reaction out of her. I do not fancy your sister never have. I lied and said we have problems in our marriage so she would give a reaction. It was entertainment for me. Yeah now that i look back it was probably flirting he says. But he says he had no intention to sleep with her. And that our sex life is fine. Yet he told my sister it isnt and showed her that he wanted her. Seems like he created fake marital issues in order to justify his flirting and potential affair with my sis. (My sis would never sleep with a man she calls her little brother.

The thing is my husband has been texting and deleting messages off his phone. She was innocent with her texts so saved them there.
She says she messaged him as a brother and then realised he was flirting so blocked him and was afraid she would ruin our marriage if she spoke up.

What do you make of all this.
When she would ignore him he would text " where were you hiding" and then the texts off him start again.

What made my sister tell me is that she unblocked him with the hope that he as a grown man got the message that he crossed the line. 24hrs after being unblocked from 5 weeks of being blocked.

He texts "did you block me"
She lied and said her whatsapp was not working and she lied and said she had family issues to fix.

"Ok i have been having some issues myself so i know what u mean i am here if you need to talk"
She texts saying ok.

"I did something big" OH
"What. Sis
"God forgives me i hope" OH
"Omg you cheated on my sister" sis
"It makes me happy. OH
"I have to tell her it feels like i am betraying her if i don't" Sis

"No don't besides you dont know what i am talking about" OH

'She will find out you know" Sis

"What she does not know cannot hurt her"OH

"did you cheat" sis

"I CANNOT confirm or deny" OH

So now OH says he has not cheated (he goes to work and comes home and eats out and plays snooker so i dont think he has cheated. Hope i am right. He says he did it to get a reaction off her..

How did my OH not worry that my sis would eventually tell me all the texts he sent?

If he was going to flirt and hint at her for sex, why choose my lovely loved up with her OH sister and not some lady at work etc??

He played with fire. And was not afraid?

He says he was bored and friendship led to flirting but he does not fancy her or wants to sleep with her. Not has cheated? Or has he?

What is all this? Is he crazy. How did he act like he was not flirting with her when she was around in person yet do it on text. Like two different people.

If OH can flirt and attempt to hint for sex with my sister. Surely he can do this with a random lady.

So now he is begging me to forgive him. But not going to lie. I am hurt. I feel inadequate, lied to, deceived, like how he has been sneaking around to text. Thoughts? Do i let it go.

He sexually harassed your family member.

Surely that should be all you need to bin him?

I agree contact women's aid.

What an absolute twat!! As if your sister would keep that to herself. Pity the poor devil he latches onto next and who he tells lies to. I was going to ask you if he was a bit simple, poorly educated etc— clearly not if he’s a primary school teAcher.

Who cares what his intentions were, or it was ‘a bit of entertainment etc’ — it shows he is a very messed up prick!

Involve the police if he keeps turning up at the door when it’s not an arranged pick up of the DC.

He is absolutely disgusting. You know your marriage can't go any further so get planning on how to leave. I'm sorry you're having to go through it with two young children.

I certainly wouldn’t want a disgusting man like that with the moral compass of a fish educating my children let alone living with them.

He is a dishonest piece of crap, who has abused your trust, your marriage and disrespected you, your sister and his children.

Get him out.

He's revolting. Not only is he sending gross texts to other women and trying to cheat (obviously he's probably done this before and cheated already), but this time he's picking someone that would probably hurt you more than anything if he succeeded. He's horrible. There's no coming back from this. Divorce is the way forward.

"He will do a lie detector test" - are you living in an episode of Jeremy Kyle?

The very first inappropriate message was when your sister should have involved you, but forgetting about that, you've done the right thing in throwing him out, he's an imbecile and will never be a good enough partner for you.

He’s absolutely repulsive. You know you can’t trust him, it’s over. And do not for a moment allow him to blame you for ‘ruining the family’ by ending it over this. I’ve ended relationships over a lot less. He is absolutely vile and I don’t think for a second he won’t blame the breakdown of family on you. He absolutely will.

he will do a lie detector test and prove it that it all was a sick joke
This actually makes it worse.
Don't show him this thread.
You will gain nothing from it.
It will be 'a load of hysterical women just trying to split us up'!!!
And he will continue to use it a stick to beat you with as he sounds quite abusive too. What with the stalking and not respecting your need for space!
His actions now show you that he doesn't give a shit about you or your boundaries.
He's overstepping them all the time.

Keep this your safe space.
Keep him gone.

Your sister is ace. He is disgusting, get rid of him. He will NOT change.

Actually baffled that after writing all of that out, you still have a question of what you should do...

Please don’t send him this thread. It won’t go positively.

He's disgusting. What a piece of shit. You get my first ever LTB .

Do not show him this thread.

If only because it will feed his need for attention.

I'm glad you have kicked him out. He has shown himself to be a liar and a probable cheat.

You deserve so much better than him.

He'd be dumped immediately.
He's not only tried to get it on with your sister, that's a sure sign he'll shag anything that moves and blame it on your "supposed" lousy love life.
He is absolute scum.
His stuff would be in bin bags outside if that was me.

I won't be sending the thread, don't know how either way. He is already out and will be. The question is WTF. Who does that? Do people do that. Why try it on with my sister. She from her messages clearly does not find you attractive and does not want sex off you. So why continue. He even says on one message "sorry you probably think i am a pervert and disgusting". He knows it's wronlzi g he continued even then. I guess I am baggled, hurt and still trying to let it sink in that this has been happening behind my back. I want answers i will never get i know that.

My sister is in her own words "daft". She says at first she didn't realise he was flirting with her.
When he came on full and strong she did.
She then was worried that that it would break my marriage it would hurt me. Because I looked so happy. But she had enough. I have told her that I really wish she came to me first thing. But there was no flirting on her part so i blame him.

I think he is a disgusting pig who probably has a sexual fantasy of sleeping with the wife's sister.
And as for the the lie detector I didn't know they exist anywhere other than the Jeremy Kyle Show.
And I am better than that to even agree to a private lie detector.

And yes I have already got the you are ruining the family crap. I love you etc. surely he loves his disgusting sexual desires and fantasies a lot more.

Sorry about the spelling errors. Baby on one arm. Phone on the wrong hand.

He really does want to go on Jezza Kyle, doesn't he?
Bet he'd have fitted right in.
Does he have bad teeth too?
My sympathies, OP. Keep him out.

Ugh poor you and your poor sister too. Glad to hear you've stuck to your boundaries and told him to go. If he's been like that with your sister then fuck knows how he's been with other women. I'm really impressed with how quickly you've processed this and stuck to what you know you want

Stay strong now, and keep him out. He is a sleazeball and nothing else.

I'm glad you aren't going to show him this thread now. It won't make him suddenly have an epiphany of any sort. More likely to make him angry and then he could cause even more trouble for you.

Keep all of the messages your sister has forwarded to you as evidence against him, and any of the begging ones he has since sent to you. They are evidence if needed that he is an arse and potentially now threatening to start stalking you.

Send him one more message saying that if he doesn't stop constantly messaging, sitting outside in his car and coming to your door you will report him to the police. It is harassment, and he is a potential stalker now. Then block him everywhere, including email, your phone and all social media. If he does come to the house again then follow through and call the police.

Take advice from the police and Women's Aid anyway on keeping yourself and your children safe from him and out of his clutches.

So he is a teacher, is he? Wow! He is a spectacularly fuckwitted one.

He’s an absolute scumbag. I hope you leave him! And I disagree with others and think your sister has been really inappropriate by not telling you immediately, continuing to reply to his messages, and unblocking him. It sounds to me like she enjoyed the attention.

Just RTFT and saw he’s out. Good for you!

😷 This guy is gross.

Op, get rid, quickly.