Homeless and pregnant

[flowerfairyinthebin]

Made a massive mistake and have ended up homeless and pregnant and I have lost absolutely everything. My partner says I can stay as long as I want but he still shows me love and affection and sleeps with me. He does not want the baby.

I'm so angry today. I literally have nothing and nobody.

You will have to go into more detail.

Is the baby your partners?

What have you done to make yourself homeless.... But then you say you are sleeping with partner and he is still loving towards you.

You need to say a little bit more background. Things can be worked out.

You can continue the pregnancy and you can start getting your own home.

Things can be sorted.

Go to your local council office they can help you sort it out from there and advise.

The baby is my partners yes and I moved into his house but now I'm pregnant he has ended the relationship deciding it's not for him. He wants me to terminate the baby. I don't even have a job at the moment.

Might a termination be sensible given the circumstances?

Where were you living before and is there anyone else you could stay with while you find your own place?

How far along are you?

Stop having sex with him if he’s ended the relationship.

Can you move back to where you were before you moved in with him?

I can't move back, I left an abusive relationship and was vulnerable.

And you’re being abused again. He’s ended the relationship but he’s still sleeping with you?? Well hasn’t he just got it every which way he wants it

Stop sleeping with him. And watch how he reacts.

Get yourself onto your local DA service to see if they have links to services that can support you I what steps you want to take next.

What steps do you think you need to take right now?

Thank you trans peaked. That's the kind of advice I need. He saw me coming a mile off. I am so so angry at myself.

Have you enough money for a deposit on a new place for yourself?

If not, then your best course of action might be to have him evict you, as then you should qualify for emergency housing, and one hopes a suitable longer term place before too long. Speak to Shelter about this.

For your own sanity, stop sleeping with him. Get an inflatable mattress if there is no spare bed and the sofa isn't long enough.

You'll need to start planning for how you will afford your DC. You'd better get a wriggle in with finding a job - it's too late for SMP now, but you should get MA. You wil, also need to work out what childcare will you use (probably from early on, as it's quite unlikely you'll be able to afford to be out of work for longer than the paid weeks). How does this all add up, with rent/utilities/other essentials in how much income you needs?

I realise this probably comes across as rather bracing, but I think that's what you might need. Your situation is difficult, but the only way to get out of it is to start working out the steps you need to take to reach the sort of future you want.

Got to the council today, they will help.

Thank you both.

Op have you spoken to your local housing assoc or local authority? Thry are your first port of call.

When you say he still sleeps with you, are you trying to rekindle his love or do you feel you have to have sex with him to keep a roof over your head?

Phone women's aid /Safer places anywhere in your area that deals with domestic abuse.
Look at the government online calculator for benefits.
As somebody else says, if he makes you homeless the council will have to emergency house you.

Your head will be all over the place, but try and get things in place.

Even if you go to the job centre and tell them of your pregnancy and abuse they will help. (My one did, infact they insisted I went to Women's Aid and I am glad I did!)

Do you have any support? Family, friends?
If not , take all your inner strength and get the ball rolling to get out of abusive relationships.
Read the book.
Lundy Bancroft- Why does he do that ?

Read up about cluster b personality types.
Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths.

Block and delete any toxic people out of your life.
Concentrate on you and your baby having a better life.
Good luck.

Thank you Lexie I am taking on board all you say.

I am sleeping with him out of my own choice- for comfort and love and hoping he will want to stay with me. He is so lovely then the next morning asks when I am going to move out. And this had gone on a month now.

To make things worse, I am a grown woman!

Speak to Women's Aid and consider going into a refuge if that's an option.

Don't be hard on yourself.
If you come from an abusive background , you will think that abuse is normal.
You will also be attracted to abusive men and situations.
This pattern can be broken.
But you need to get away and start healing yourself, so you are prepared to be a mother and not put your little one through the same as you.
Break the cycle.
4 pieces of relationship advice.

1. You can not force someone to love you.
2. The only behaviour you can control is you own.
3. The only person that can make you truly happy is yourself.

4.The only person you can change is yourself.

Stay strong. You can do this. Take little steps. Phone DA people. Sort out benefits.

Don't let him mess with your head, which is what he is doing.
Even if you are a grown woman, if you haven't had the proper parenting and support Things will be challenging.

Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself more.

Stay strong.

When you go to your local council office make sure that you explain your situation in full and that you are pregnant.

I am sleeping with him out of my own choice- for comfort and love and hoping he will want to stay with me sorry for asking, was just the wording made me wonder.

Def need to put some boundaries up darling, he's being really clear with who he is. He's the guy who sacked you off the minute you found out you were pregnant with his kid but who will have sex so long as its on tap. He's just as responsible for this baby as you, he can't just pretend it doesn't exist. Get your housing sorted, get out ASAP then pursue him for CSA.

There’s no time like the present to start making better decisions.

1. STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM!
2. If you intend continuing the pregnancy, the decision should be based on the real probability of you becoming a single parent.
3. Contact you local council regarding housing.
4. You need to address lurching from one ill advised entanglement to another.

Just to reiterate Shelter - I had to call them this morning and they were brilliant (on behalf of a friend) and they clearly set out the options and also a few places grants can be obtained as well. They personalise it all to your circumstances and area as well.

Being vulnerable doesn’t have an age limit. Whether you’re 21 or 41 makes no difference OP so don’t think being a ‘grown woman’ makes anything worse!

The only thing your age may effect is whether you want to continue the pregnancy under these dire circumstances (a very personal choice). Either way your relationship is over so don’t be pulled in with any promises that things can ‘go back to normal’ if you terminate - they can’t and won’t!

The council WILL provide you housing once LO is here (even if just a b&b) but you’ll need to find somewhere between now and then. When I think about my pregnancy (16+6) and how rotten it’s been (despite my stability and loving DH) I honestly feel devastated for you. It won’t be easy - I would book yourself an apt with the GP to discuss your MH and how you want to proceed from here.

I NEVER feel it’s appropriate to offer advise on termination - even if it’s asked for- as it’s SUCH a personal choice so please don’t think I’m suggesting either option is better - I am NOT saying that. ALL I’m saying is that I strongly recommend you seek out guidance/support from a GP/health care professional to help you make a plan moving forward!

❤️

Hello !,
I’d Have stopped
Mutual, always wins.