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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Homeless and pregnant

64 replies

flowerfairyinthebin · 21/10/2019 10:57

Made a massive mistake and have ended up homeless and pregnant and I have lost absolutely everything. My partner says I can stay as long as I want but he still shows me love and affection and sleeps with me. He does not want the baby.

I'm so angry today. I literally have nothing and nobody.

OP posts:
IDontWantToCookTonight · 23/10/2019 19:08

I’m very pro choice, but in this circumstance you’ve got to think of the child. No job, no home, no money. You can’t raise a child on that.

If you can’t find refuge then you’re taking a innocent child to the streets with you. Don’t do that.

Regardless of the situation with your DP, whether you stay or you go, you’re not in the least bit of an ideal situation for this baby and that’s not fair on anyone in the situation.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/10/2019 19:12

Just a note to say that when I presented as homeless at the council, they visited my abusive ex and tried to "negotiate" with him so that I could go back there. I believe that's quite common. They wouldn't accept my homeless application if I didn't provide his details... I was a priority due to age and disability.

It's a tough place to be Thanks

CoachBombay · 23/10/2019 19:24

🙄

The government instructions on priority need homeless, I'll draw your attention to section 8.3 a.

Guidance on the categories of applicant who have a priority need for accommodation if they become homeless.

8.1 This chapter provides guidance on the categories of applicant who have a priority need for accommodation under the homelessness legislation.

8.2 Housing authorities have duties to try and prevent or relieve homelessness for all applicants who are eligible for assistance and are homeless or threatened with homelessness, irrespective of whether or not they may have a priority need for accommodation. If a housing authority is unable to prevent an applicant from becoming homeless, or to help them to secure accommodation within the ‘relief’ stage, they are required to reach a decision as to whether the applicant has a priority need for accommodation.

8.3 Section 188(1) of the 1996 Act requires housing authorities to secure that accommodation is available for an applicant if they have reason to believe that the applicant may be homeless, eligible for assistance and have a priority need. The housing authority may bring this ‘interim’ accommodation duty to an end during the relief stage if they subsequently find that the applicant does not have priority need (or are not eligible or not homeless) and issues a decision that the applicant will not be owed further duties at the end of the relief duty. For further guidance on accommodation duties see Chapter 15. Section 193(2) of the 1996 Act requires housing authorities to secure accommodation for applicants who have a priority need for accommodation section 189(1) and the Homelessness (Priority Need for Accommodation) (England) Order 2002 (the ‘2002 Order’) provide that the following categories of applicant have a priority need for accommodation:

(a) a pregnant woman or a person with whom she resides or might reasonably be expected to reside (see paragraph 8.5);

(b) a person with whom dependent children reside or might reasonably be expected to reside (see paragraphs 8.6–8.12);

(c) a person who is vulnerable as a result of old age, mental illness, learning disability or physical disability or other special reason, or with whom such a person resides or might reasonably be expected to reside (see paragraphs 8.13–8.18);

(d) a person aged 16 or 17 who is not a ‘relevant child’ or a child in need to whom a local authority owes a duty under section 20 of the Children Act 1989 (see paragraphs 8.19–8.23);

(e) a person under 21 who was (but is no longer) looked after, accommodated or fostered between the ages of 16 and 18 (except a person who is a ‘relevant student’);

(f) a person aged 21 or more who is vulnerable as a result of having been looked after, accommodated or fostered (except a person who is a ‘relevant student’) (see paragraphs 8.28–8.31);

(g) a person who is vulnerable as a result of having been a member of Her Majesty’s regular naval, military or air forces (see paragraphs 8.32–8.33);

(h) a person who is vulnerable as a result of:

(i) having served a custodial sentence;

(ii) having been committed for contempt of court or any other kindred offence; or,

(iii) having been remanded in custody;(see paragraphs 8.34–8.35);

(i) a person who is vulnerable as a result of ceasing to occupy accommodation because of violence from another person or threats of violence from another person which are likely to be carried out (see paragraphs 8.36–8.37);

(j) a person who is homeless, or threatened with homelessness, as a result of an emergency such as flood, fire or other disaster.

Groovinpeanut · 23/10/2019 20:34

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this situation. It's a horrible way to be treated, you bring pregnant will make this a difficult and uncertain time too.
Ultimately you must do what is right for you! Sod what that pathetic excuse of a 'man' wants! He's playing you like a fiddle... It'll give you no guarantee that he'll let you stay or even continue to have any relationship at all with you if you decide to terminate, he's being all loving because he wants to manipulate you into doing what he wants. I would do as others have suggested and look for a constructive way of leaving and getting somewhere else to live. Only persue a termination of it's what YOU want, only you know in your heart of hearts how you feel. It's a decision that needs a lot of thought, don't be bullied into making a decision to appease others!
My heart goes out to you it really does. I hope you manage to get away from this man really soon. Please keep us updated how you're doing. You're not alone. There's a whole wealth of information and support on here. Please take care of yourself. I know that's easier said than done sometimes. Hugs for you xx

Jojowash · 23/10/2019 22:54

Guys she's already had the termination

8BumbleBee8 · 24/10/2019 02:29

Like some said, go to the council and tell the advisor your story from the beginning of you were desperate to escape from an abusive ex. You may feel a little embarrassed but being vulnerable is what's gonna get you housed. The council might send you to a women's hostel or refuge.

lottelupin · 24/10/2019 03:38

Really Jojo? Then what are we all writing about 😬😯

LeftoverPizza · 24/10/2019 03:52

Go to the council ASAP and they can help you from there

category12 · 24/10/2019 07:50

Lottelupin, Well we could move on to supporting the op with the aftermath and hopefully leaving her asshole boyfriend.

flowerfairyinthebin · 24/10/2019 07:56

No I haven't had the termination, I went for a 2 hour consultation and go back in a week.

OP posts:
flowerfairyinthebin · 24/10/2019 08:01

I'm really grateful for the support. He really is playing me like a fiddle.

OP posts:
category12 · 24/10/2019 08:30

How are you doing today?

LIZS · 24/10/2019 08:46

He is emotionally abusing you at very least, look up coercive control. Could you contact women's aid for advice. Even if they cannot accommodate you they should be able to signpost you to organisations offering practical support and the Freedom Programme to break the cycle of negative relationships.

Jojowash · 02/11/2019 21:35

@flowerfairyinthebin

Oh god, so sorry. When you said you went to clinic I just presumed.

How you feeling about it all now?

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