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Original poster

X and Ow in Singapore - emotional abuse?

54 replies

greenberet · 23/07/2019 20:11

Today would have been my 25 wedding anniversary - guess where we went on honeymoon.

Coincidence? I doubt it - I guess this is meant to be a kick in the guts - but I have had so many that this is just another to add to the list. Really I just find this bloody weird!

I have had a lovely day in the garden with some gin and passion fruit lollies - the best things in life are free!

OP posts:
Joy69 · 23/07/2019 20:32

I always wanted to go to Venice. My exh took his then mistress, then proceeded to put up an absolutely huge picture of one of the Venice bridges. I consolled myself with the fact that it was the tackiest thing that I'd ever seen.
He's not with her now & I'm happier without him & his lack of taste Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/07/2019 20:44

Singapore is lovely, maybe he just really likes it.

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 21:28

Joy69 - I have a thing for pigs - one place I wanted to go was the pig in bath - guess where they went on one of first weekends - at the time X was claiming no money

It’s laughable really -

I did think I could ask for another raffles mug though as one got broken - but I guess it was his one!

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 23/07/2019 21:36

Is it a possibility you’re overthinking this?

As @AnneLovesGilbert said, it is a lovely country.

Glad you’ve had a good day

LolaSmiles · 23/07/2019 21:46

I see both sides.
You're not wrong for feeling hurt at all. It must be like a kick in the guts and you're totally within your rights to be feeling like licking your wounds.

Equally, people don't stop liking things and places or take items off their bucket list when their relationship ends. He can't avoid a country he likes forever because it was your honeymoon destination.

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 21:46

Overthinking? What 25 wedding anniversary a coincidence? I doubt it very much given his track record - I’m sure he could have avoided it had he wanted to!

But good luck to them I hope they have a nice time 😜

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 23/07/2019 21:49

How long have you been separated?

pallisers · 23/07/2019 21:50

Well if he is picking holiday destinations based on how they will affect his ex wife, he is weirdly fixated on you and the OW shouldn't be that happy.

Enjoy your gin and lollies. If he says anything about Singapore and your honeymoon say "gosh I had completely forgotten that - yes you're right now that you remind me. it WAS singapore wasn't it"

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 21:51

I was hurt when Dd told me a few weeks ago - more from the fact he’s still giving the kids the runaround over money - but today nah - maybe is come full circle now - final closure and all that -

Tomorrow I’m off to wales and the times no 1 beach in the country - all new no ghosts no deja vu!

OP posts:
Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 21:56

No chance of that pallisers - zero communication from him - I’m not bothered I don’t need to wipe out my past - it’s me it’s part of who I am - i just think you sad fuck - yes go to Singapore if you like it that much but pick a different date - yeah? - show a bit if respect to OW or maybe she gets a kick out if it too -

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 23/07/2019 21:56

I'd understand your upset if you've only been separated a few months. Is that the case?

booboo82 · 23/07/2019 21:58

where does the emotional abuse come into it ?

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 22:01

Nah baggypants it’s longer than that but I’m still dealing with the fallout of a really acrimonious divorce

OP posts:
StressyDressyHeels · 23/07/2019 22:03

My guess is that he has no idea it would have been an anniversary. My DH would struggle to remember and we’ll still married.

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 22:03

Deliberate action to cause upset - on top of a long list of other actions

OP posts:
ScreamingLadySutch · 23/07/2019 22:04

This is a well known thing.

Them doing all the things with the next supply that they did with you/you always wanted to do.

Firstly because they are lazy and do what works, and secondly because upsetting you is more supply (see how central I am!).

Don't worry OP, they will find out OW hot buttons and push those to feel alive.

Its not you.

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 22:05

Nah stressy I don’t buy that - his mums birthday on 21 July and there’s no way he would not have remembered that!

OP posts:
Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 22:06

Thank you Screaming x

OP posts:
sincethereis · 23/07/2019 22:08

Honestly, I doubt he went to Singapore with his new partner just to spite you. Honestly.

He probably has forgotten what ur anniversary was & wanted to experience Singapore.

LivingAllTheDreams · 23/07/2019 22:10

This is relationships not AIBU.

If the OP says her ex has form for this and he's not the type to forget how about we just believe her rather than desperately trying to gaslight her into believing it's perfectly normal to take your OW to you honeymoon location on what would have been your wedding anniversary Confused

NoBaggyPants · 23/07/2019 22:14

This is years ago isn't it? I can see you're struggling but you need help in moving on, have you had counselling?

His partner is not the other woman. She's his partner.

And if it's more than a few years he won't even care when your anniversary was. My partner (I wasn't the OW) has never mentioned his old anniversary, it's past to him.

ivegotthisyeah · 23/07/2019 22:22

Twat WineThanks

sincethereis · 23/07/2019 23:00

@LivingAllTheDreams

Yes, I fully understand that but it’s very very very unlikely that Ex woke up one morning, looked at the date and decided in X amount of time it will be the anniversary of my ex-marriage. “You know what I’ll do” -he thought - “ I’ll book a flight with my new partner and pay all this money so that my EX wife will be heartbroken, an EX wife that I no longer want to be with at all”

If that doesn’t sound daft to you, I really don’t know.

Also as someone else has said, she is no longer the OW. there is no relationship to be the OW too.

OP, ur better off just moving on. He’s clearly a Cheater & dishonest. Be glad your no longer dealing with him rather than convincing yourself he’s out to get back at you.

2018anewstart · 23/07/2019 23:07

I think he knew what he was doing in the hope that it would irate you. However you sound as if you are doing fine without him. Been to wales and Singapore if you've got the sun wales gets my vote everytime!

Original poster
greenberet · 23/07/2019 23:25

Thanks to those that get this

@sincethereis - you are very lucky that you can not comprehend that someone would do this - I lost the family home “out of spite” x lied in court made a statement that was false - my solicitor too thought I was imagining it all - he has done exactly what I said he was doing but could not prove it at the time - I can now although possibly too late.

I faced a tribunal through CMS because he says his income was £12k when previously it was £150k - self employed - I’m currently dealing with Legal Ombudsman due to being let down by legal profession - I got diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer just as the marriage was falling apart and he didn’t give a shit - just wanted to know if insurance was going to pay out - he dismissed his own ds googling how to kill yourself as a school boy prank -

He fucked up basically - yes I was heartbroken - not now and yes I do believe he is out to get back at me - because things didn’t go quite as he thought they would and the really close relationship he had with Dd has been tainted by his own actions - as I told him it would be!

OP posts: