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Original poster

Sperm donor partner lied to me ...

55 replies

Feeling36 · 02/09/2018 21:09

.... and I think I know what most, if not all of you will say but here goes!
My partner donates his sperm (privately - I already know all the implications) AI or so I believed until I went through his phone last week (the night before I went on holiday) and found out he's slept with someone as they wanted NI! He promised me he wouldn't do this and now I don't know if this is the 1st time!? We've yet to discuss as I only got back late last night. Waiting for him now so we can talk. I love him and that's the problem!!

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 02/09/2018 21:17

Do you mean he's been unfaithful? It seems that way to me, whether for pregnancy or not because he knew that was not part of your agreed boundary re sperm donation.

Original poster
Feeling36 · 02/09/2018 21:19

It feels to me like he's been unfaithful because he knew I didn't agree to it when we got together.

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 02/09/2018 21:19

Of course he’s been unfaithful to you.

BunsOfAnarchy · 02/09/2018 21:20

Sorry. But i wouldng even bother waiting to bin him.
He will day its a donation not cheating. But it IS cheating if this was made clear in the beginning of relationship that thid was a complete no go situation.
Jeez. What a mess. LTB

OurMiracle1106 · 02/09/2018 21:21

He’s slept with someone else! Of course he has been unfaithful. Whether that was because of “sperm donation” or not. He has no NEED to sleep with anyone to donate and if said recipient required this he was free to say no.

ThePinkOcelot · 02/09/2018 21:22

It feels to you that he’s been unfaithful because he has! Sperm donation can be done without sleeping with the recipient and he knows it! He has cheated!!

tenredthings · 02/09/2018 21:24

I'd get checked out for STD's pronto !

SequinsOnEverything · 02/09/2018 21:25

He has 100% been unfaithful to you! I would not be able to get past this.

Maybugger · 02/09/2018 21:27

Sounds like the perfect excuse for shagging around - 'natural insemination' instead of being a sperm donor.
Dump him. Now.

Mum2jenny · 02/09/2018 21:28

I'm a bit on the fence. If it's strictly a sperm donation and no emotional issues, I'd not be too bothered. My only possible reservation would be the risk of him getting an std.

However if you've said it would be a deal breaker, you need to walk away.

Haireverywhere · 02/09/2018 22:13

Your second post confirms it then, yes OP, he HAS been unfaithful.

I'm sure he'll say it was just a donation but the why's and wherefores are irrelevant because you had spoken about boundaries before.

lowtide · 02/09/2018 22:14

WTAF

bloomingfeck · 02/09/2018 22:17

Do you mean prior to you getting together or during your relationship? If during then he has cheated yes. If prior - he has still lied and not sure why

donor · 02/09/2018 22:39

Just thought I'd comment as a donor who has donated both with AI and NI. While I don't have a partner I have done around 20 donations via NI and never had a problem with getting emotionally attached by the process. I view it as just a means to an end. If that's his mindset about it and you can get past it then I don't see a problem. It is troubling that he didn't tell you so you'll need to work through that, but I disagree with those telling you to just end it without any attempt to work through it. Regarding STDs, there is a very small chance of a problem. All the women I agree to do NI with have had recent checkups and I've never had an issue. They are responsible women looking to get pregnant and not a high risk category.

1travellight · 02/09/2018 23:06

He HAS been unfaithful to you, he isn't a sperm donor, he is shagging around freely with as many women as he can.
Give it a year or two, and all these women will be contacting him to arrange child support and arrange visits on alternate weekends to see 'daddy'.
Get yourself to an STD clinic, because he obviously hasn't been using condoms, and has potentially put your fertility, health and life at risk.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 02/09/2018 23:08

STD test ASAP OP!! Regardless of what happens in your relationship you need to be tested.

Septembermummy1 · 02/09/2018 23:12

Is this how he's been 'donating sperm' ? Ffs. You watch, these women he's been 'donating sperm' too will soon be chasing him for child maintenance. Of course he's been unfaithful. What an idiot. Do not let him use the donating sperm as excuse OP! If he really wanted to do it purely to help others and not for his own pleasure he'd be wanking into a cup.

SandyY2K · 02/09/2018 23:17

I wouldn't be with him even if it was AI. It's a small world and your future kids could end up sleeping with their sibling.

As for NI... a big NO. Not for me.

finkplamingo · 02/09/2018 23:18

NI sperm donating? Wtf? That's just shagging someone else!

Racecardriver · 02/09/2018 23:20

Sorry but that is really grim.

Fromage · 02/09/2018 23:22

What's NI and AI?

PinkHeart5914 · 02/09/2018 23:26

His shagged someone regardless of if it was just to donate his sperm (should really be done at a clinic, his an idiot for not using a proper clinic)

His cheated on you, someone else has been bouncing on his cock ffs. Do you want to stay with a cheat?

Maelstrop · 02/09/2018 23:57

@Fromage

Natural insemination (having sex) and artificial insemination.

Thatsfuckingshit · 03/09/2018 04:10

So he what's other women and knocks them up under the guise of sperm donation? Wtf?

AgentJohnson · 03/09/2018 06:35

What possible explanation could he give? Don’t wait around for more lies, justifications and excuses, just dump his arse. You really are your worst enemy for even going along with this private donation bull in the first place.