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Original poster

Sperm donor partner lied to me ...

55 replies

Feeling36 · 02/09/2018 21:09

.... and I think I know what most, if not all of you will say but here goes!
My partner donates his sperm (privately - I already know all the implications) AI or so I believed until I went through his phone last week (the night before I went on holiday) and found out he's slept with someone as they wanted NI! He promised me he wouldn't do this and now I don't know if this is the 1st time!? We've yet to discuss as I only got back late last night. Waiting for him now so we can talk. I love him and that's the problem!!

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 03/09/2018 06:37

Grim

PeePeeHula · 03/09/2018 06:40

Dump him because he has shown really poor judgement (if sleeping around when you aren't ok with that isn't enough!)

NadiaLeon · 03/09/2018 08:16

This is all rather odious. You should be having stern words with this rotter OP.

user14869556378 · 03/09/2018 12:44

I'm another

WTAF

dirtybadger · 03/09/2018 12:58

I would be more worried about the legal ramifications. I sympathise with the women who are unable to afford access to official services but he is not protected from claims (CMS), etc. I don't imagine the chances, but what happens if they decide to make those in future?

I wouldn't consider what your DP has done to be an issue of being unfaithful as such (necessarily). There is a chance it really just is for the sperm and it's not a big emotional or sexual deal to him. Although I do say necessarily as I know there are men out there who really push for NI. Dodgy AF!

But it is a very serious deception that is equally bad if not worse. At least when someone reports they had a ONS they might have used a condom and there isn't a child at the end.

Donating sperm is a kind thing to do, but doing it as he has shows a lack of foresight and poor judgment IMO

RatRolyPoly · 03/09/2018 13:33

...and you've bought this idea that him having sex with someone else was just his altruism showing??

hellsbellsmelons · 03/09/2018 14:02

Legal issues will be huge.
As will the fact he had sexual contact with someone unprotected!!!
Get to your local GUM or SHAW clinic.
Get tested!

takethatwasmyjam · 03/09/2018 14:05

WTF

Hallouminati · 03/09/2018 14:24

It may have been the first time, it probably wasn't. What does it matter when you've already set the boundary at zero? Just once is still too many. If you're both ok with NI then that's fine, but you're not, he knows how you feel yet he still did it anyway. How can you trust him after this?

Standbyyourmammaryglands · 03/09/2018 14:30

donor that’s weird and creepy as fuck.

Op he fucked some one behind your back. You didn’t sign up to this when you started seeing him.

I’ve been through the IVF process three times, considered donating my own eggs, I know friends that have donated eggs and family that have received sperm.

He certainly did not need shag some one to donate his sperm. If you accept this you are a real mug.

Also I’d like to know the legal side of NI - is he liable to pay CS?

ciderhouserules · 03/09/2018 15:48

Fucking hell - cheating as a way of 'helping women get pregnant' without any emotion of attachment?

That's a new one.

PilarTernera · 03/09/2018 16:08

Also I’d like to know the legal side of NI - is he liable to pay CS?

Yes he could be. Where conception takes place as a result of sexual intercourse the biological father will be the legal father even if he has only intended to act as a sperm donor. www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed181431

PilarTernera · 03/09/2018 16:11

OP it doesn't matter if it was the first time or not. He promised you he would not do it and then went ahead and did it anyway. You can't trust him.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 03/09/2018 16:14

Of course he has been unfaithful. He's shagged someone else. I would get rid.

Pissedoffdotcom · 03/09/2018 16:17

I have no issue with sperm donation as long as its done responsibly. To me, sperm donation is a handjob into a pot. Sleeping with somebody crosses a major line especially when you have a partner. The fact he lied to you tells me he knows he has crossed a line. I wouldn't be able to handle that.

TheSpottedZebra · 03/09/2018 16:20

What's the 'reason' for NI ?

Starrygirl12 · 03/09/2018 17:05

Bin him

Winosaurus · 03/09/2018 17:12

This wasn’t sperm donation.
Think about the reality... he got an erection, put it unprotected into some other vagina and fucked her until he orgasmed. That is 100% cheating.
I couldn’t go near my DP if he did that, the very thought of it would repulse me

Pissedoffdotcom · 03/09/2018 17:16

TheSpottedZebra some people - men & women - believe that NI promotes fertility. Pretty sure there is no scientific research behind it

WingsofNylon · 03/09/2018 17:25

Another wtf here?! Surely this doesn't happen. What clinic would ever support this? NI is just having a shag!

OP I'm really sorry that he has cheated on you. It matters not one jot the reasons and how unattached he was. He put is penis in someone else that cheating. Don't wait for him, don't talk to him, just cut ties.

Winosaurus · 03/09/2018 17:25

@Pissedoffdotcom female orgasm increases the chances of conception because the cervix actually spasms and draws sperm upwards into your womb. The thought of him doing that whilst donating is too grim to bear imo

StuckInTheMiddleWithJude · 03/09/2018 17:27

This reply has been deleted

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AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/09/2018 17:35

Question is...why were you going through his phone in the first place? Has he given you cause not to trust him?

I’m not judging at all, I’d do it without hesitation if I felt the need, but I’d also then question if I should be with him anyway if I felt the need.

TheActualLastJedi · 03/09/2018 17:43

This all really odd and rather dangerous. Who would want unregulated sperm donations?!

And what if all those mother's claim CSA?! Or all those babies turn up as young adults wanting to know who their dad is.

Good grief this has "cluster-fuck" written all over it.

Run away OP not because he's shagged some bird that wants a baby, but the mess that could unfold is massive!!

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 03/09/2018 17:52

@Pissedoffdotcom female orgasm increases the chances of conception because the cervix actually spasms and draws sperm upwards into your womb.

Winosaurus - surely the chances of a woman having an orgasm are higher on her own with a pre-prepped pot of sperm than with a stranger pumping away PIV style?! Sounds like a feeble excuse for NI over AI to me.