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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is the guy I'm chatting with a racist?

60 replies

joan04 · 30/06/2018 13:51

Long time lurker but new poster here. Long story short I am currently going through a divorce but the marriage ended last year so I have kind of been on the dating scene. I also have a couple of kids and my ex and I are doing everything possible to make it easier on them.

I got chatting to a guy from a dating app last year and we went on a few dates which were nice and he was very charming but it wasn't the right timing for me so it kind of fizzled out. Recently got back in touch with him and we have been chatting a lot on texts, like a lot! I think it's getting to the point whereby we'll meet up again. We just seem to get on well and he is also divorced with kids himself so it seems a good match.

However I'm now wondering if he's a racist, I don't claim to know much about politics and aside from the odd post on FB there was nothing that really concerned me. But I recently stumbled upon his twitter account and it just seems a bit off. Lots of posts and retweets about free Tommy Robinson, anti-Islam posts, pro Trump stuff and that kind of thing which just seem a bit nasty in all honesty.

Just a bit worried and don't know whether I should mention it to him or even walk away. Some of my best friends aren't British.

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TheQueef · 30/06/2018 13:53

He sounds like he's a bit involved.

It'd be a flag for me.

KitchenFloor · 30/06/2018 13:54

Run.

MsPavlichenko · 30/06/2018 13:56

Yes. He is.

MyIcePopMelted · 30/06/2018 13:56

That would put me right off.

And I would tell him why.

falaffels · 30/06/2018 13:57

He seems vile. Please don't pursue things!

Karigan198 · 30/06/2018 13:57

If it was just the tommy Robinson thing maybe it could be overlooked because a lot of not racist people have got aerated over that too but mixed with the other stuff he seems likely to be a racist to me!

joan04 · 30/06/2018 14:00

I guess you're right and even if he doesn't mention this type of stuff on texts and in person it would be bad for my kids to be around that kind of negativity if anything longer term did come of it.

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sonlypuppyfat · 30/06/2018 14:00

I don't think he's a racist

joan04 · 30/06/2018 14:01

Why do you say that?

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Kool4katz · 30/06/2018 14:02

I dropped someone who voted for Brexit so anything vaguely racist and it's a no from me.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 30/06/2018 14:05

Anyone who could be pro-trump after the last few weeks can’t be a very good person. I mean, Trump has always been horrible, but how can anyone stand that?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 30/06/2018 14:06

Well even if he’s not racist he’s not exactly a model of an enlightened man is he?

joan04 · 30/06/2018 14:09

Ugh I don't know what to do, he seems perfectly normal on texts and in person, at least from what I remembered last year. If I hadn't come across his twitter none of this would have crossed my mind.

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VanGoghsDog · 30/06/2018 14:11

Is it definitely his account?

joan04 · 30/06/2018 14:12

Yeah it's 100% him.

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mindutopia · 30/06/2018 14:14

Yes, unless that’s your persuasion, I would give this one a very wide berth!

VanGoghsDog · 30/06/2018 14:26

I'd sack him off personally.

joan04 · 30/06/2018 14:27

I just feel very involved with him. He's been so nice on texts, is always there for me and gives me such good advice with everything especially with the whole divorce and kids thing. He also makes me laugh.

Don't know what to do.

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mindutopia · 30/06/2018 14:29

Yes, unless that’s your persuasion, I would give this one a very wide berth!

TheQueef · 30/06/2018 14:29

If you like him and this is the only issue you could try and enlighten him but you would still be wary.

Is he worth it ya think?

user1493413286 · 30/06/2018 14:30

Why don’t you ask him his opinions on these things? You don’t have to admit you’ve seen his twitter but if he knows you have you could ask him about what he thinks?
I can’t really see why he’d post those things if he doesn’t agree but then you’d know for sure

mindutopia · 30/06/2018 14:32

I think the thing is that racists and neo-nazis DO seem really normal in their day to day life (I have some school friends who are the same, middle class, professional, ‘normal’ people who don’t at all fit the stereotype). That’s what makes it so insidious.

ScreenQueen · 30/06/2018 14:32

He sounds absolutely vile. Sorry OP Flowers

Userplusnumbers · 30/06/2018 14:34

I'd say this goes beyond racist and towards extremist, and of course he's not going to display any of this behaviour now. He'll be really nice, normal, lovely and sooner or later, you'll be questioning if it's really all that bad (like you are doing), then it's just a hop, skip and a jump, and you'll be in just as deep.

Run while you can

joan04 · 30/06/2018 14:35

I just looked at the tweets that he's liked and not retweeted and they are even worse. Homophobic too, one about the Grenfell residents.

He's basically a bigot isn't he. I couldn't have that negativity in my life or around my kids could I.

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