My daughter is over weight and I'm struggling...

[Bubblesandcake]

....with how to deal with it.
I'm a single mum so don't have the support from her father. My dd is 13 and weighs 12 stone. She is about 5'4 so quite tall for her age.
I implemented a more healthy way of eating about 3 months ago, hoping she would enjoy the changes. She is so so fussy. I am at my wits end. She is a very emotional/snappy child so trying to change bad habits is difficult.
Likes - sugary cereal, crisps, bread, chicken burgers or nuggets, hot dogs, cheese
Dislikes - almost everything - potatoes, pasta, veg, salad, healthy cereal...the list goes on. She won't try any of it and gets angry at me.
I got her to join the gym with me. She won't go anymore. It's boring apparently. She won't go swimming or walking with me.
She really doesn't care about herself. I try and say it's not healthy the way she eats. If I tell her no she has a complete melt down. I'm exhausted by it. I need help. I was thinking about going to see a doctor?
Do I force her to the gym? Swimming? I try to make it fun and offer tennis or rounders but she just will not join in.

I have no experience of this (yet) because my DDS are skinny, mainly due to genes that good diet I expect. It is really hard because I suspect that you will only have any control over her diet at home but at her age a lot of eating and drinking will be done at school or with friends.

What does she say about her weight?

And I don't think your post said but what is your relationship with food like?

In terms of healthy eating I think the best you can do is model healthy eating, being mindful of hidden sugars. don't criticise her choices but make sure that the home choices are good ones.

Perhaps you need to go cold turkey on the sugar and high carbs foods? Sugar is an addiction!

5'4 isn't especially tall for her age more average I would say, it's a long hard battle if she doesn't want to change. The obvious thing would be to not buy anything you don't want her to eat so it isn't in the house.

Just stop buying the unhealthy food in and buy fresh fruit and veg, if she does not like it she will go hungry, but she will eventually eat.

Also bread, pasta and potatoes are quite unhealthy, try the healthier alternatives. Maybe look at pinterest for good menu ideas etc, you can bake things like brownies using healthy alternatives instead of sugar and chocolate. Just swap things out, instead of chicken nuggest try her on fresh chicken strips with maybe nando's seasoning etc with some salad or in a wrap.

Do you plate up her meals? Buy slightly smaller plates and reduce the portion size very slightly?
I think with kids the goal is to 'hold' their weight steady while they get taller. Are you/her dad tall, or is DD likely to stay about 5'4''? If she is, 12 stone is significantly overweight and she will actually need to lose weight. If she's ultimately 5'8'', 12 stone is the very top end of healthy weight.
I would look to the long term: slightly smaller portions, less sugar/crap food, only water or milk to drink. Could you reward her for a 30 minute brisk walk every day with say a fiver a week?

I would try not to become involved in battles over food at this age. Can you start by making healthy versions of the things she likes? For example:

• homemade burgers using extra lean mince
• home made oven chips by cutting potatoes and spraying with oil from a spray bottle
• homemade nuggets using chicken breast, a light coating of flour, egg and breadcrumbs a spray of oil and bake
• fish fingers - made like nuggets
• buy good quality sausages with less fat

Does she like fruit or strawberries etc?

I agree with RandomMess that sugar can be addictive and she is probably feeling a bit cold turkey but it gets better.

How does she feel about her weight? Is she self conscious, is she even aware that she is overweight?

Ultimately, the decision to lose weight/eat more healthily needs to come from her. You can do what you want, if she is eating junk food because it makes her happy, she will find a way to get it.

I would forget about the food at the moment, but talk to her about healthy weight and ask her how you can help her control it. Engage in conversations, let her tell her how she feels about it. The actual changing her diet will come slowly at her pace. In the meantime, no harm in indeed watching what you buy and reducing portions.

I agree with the person who suggested making healthy versions of the food she likes and nice things like healthy brownies etc.

Of course you want to be sure she does not become overweight but it must be very hard to balance this out. You are the one who controls the food that comes in though so I wish you all the will in the world to not give in to buying in crap but allow her some kind of treat a week. Things like smoothies etc can become nice treats too.

To the poster who said that bread, pasta and potatoes are unhealthy..this is complete and utter rubbish. They all can fit into a diet with moderation and blacklisting foods like this to a 13 year old could start disordered thinking about food.

If you do not have one already, an airfryer/ actifryer is a fantastic investment.

I wish my parents had cared about my weight so much. Would she join a team sport like hockey or netball or do clubbercise/dance classes?

What would happen if you don't buy a lot of the crap? Perhaps say it is more expensive than home cooked versions and ask her to write up a week's plan for meals with alternative options? Just an idea. I can imagine it is very hard.

Thanks all 😊
She often says someone at school has mentioned her being 'fat' and appeared upset by it but not for long. When I mention healthy eating or to choose healthier options she says I think she's fat. She gets angry when I suggest anything.
She is aware of being overweight. It doesn't seem to bother her.
I eat healthy but haven't always so do blame myself.

im not normally keen on diet clubs - but slimming world has lots of really tasty recipes that are good for people who have an unhealthy diet. There are lots of burger and chip type meals but done more healthy. I wouldn't tell her they were slimming world recipes though

I'm going to stop buying crisps and snack bars. What could I replace it with? If she has a baguette in school (she keeps eating pizza), a yoghurt and fruit should be ok? She tells me it's not enough. Others eat more.
Snacks after school? I tried crackers and low fat cheese spread and she refused. Eats toast or sugary cereal and sometimes a 2nd packet of crisps. I get home about 4 so she is home alone from 3.15. I can't always monitor her eating. Some nights when I am asleep she has come down to get a choc bar or a cheese string. She says she's hungry.
She has joined netball but that has finished until September. Then she thinks she should have a Lucozade as all the girls do. They do, I have seen them.

Maybe base it on a "family overhaul", make up a white lie that the doctor has commented on your BMI or something.

Have a board up in the kitchen with meal plans, put a big bowl of salad on the table with every meal so it's not forced on her plate but she can when she wants.

Make a "treat night" so on a Friday DD can pick a dessert she wants. Or summit like that. Or a meal she loves? Don't complete remove everything.

Fitbits are brilliant for encouraging activity, you can all join a weekly competition and see who gets the most steps. My family does that.

Also don't buy crap! If it's not in the house she can't eat it!

You kinda left it late to be teaching good eating habits but at least you're trying. Just stop bringing in sugary processed foods into the house. Have her try cooking new recipes with you.

Does she like any sport or activity?

Nearly all cereals are horrifically full of sugar! Cheese strings??

Stop buying snacks full stop - we don't need them! If she had to actually make some sort of meal then she may well not bother.

Getting through sugar cravings will be really difficult for her.

I phoned the doctor today to make an appointment as I thought a doctor telling her would be better. Couldn't get an appointment.
Yes, I'm going to make salads and fill up the fruit bowl. I'm going to stop buying crisps and choc. I'm going to look into making healthy sweet treats on a weekend.
They see their dad once a week for tea and he takes them to McDonald's and buys them sweets. I have no control over this unfortunately. I have tried to tell him.

Can you actually have a discussion with her dad? Say yes to McDonald's but chill on the sweets? Explain that other kids are commenting.

Does she go the dentist? Has the dentist commented on sugar decay? (Or can they, pre call them and ask them to)

Focus less on the exercise, more on the available food.
Exercise when youre overweight and unfit (she may not be, you havent said) HURTS and is exhausting - it just isnt much fun unless you love it enough to be able to ignore all the negatives.
If you can help her get her weight down then exercise will be easier.

I second the slimming world recommendation... it's a low fat & high protein plan.. helps with control over calorie, sugar & carb intake too. You don't even need to be a member so many great meal recipes on line .. pinch of nom is a great website for meal & snack ideas.

How old is your other DC?
It sounds like a healthier way of eating for all would be a good idea.
Just don't buy the crisps etc. I will happily eat fruit and crackers but if there is crisps, biscuits and frostiest then that is what I'd choose every time.
At 13 she will still need guiding towards those better choices.

I will try talking to her dad again. It's very difficult with him.
The dentist actually says she has good teeth. I could but not sure that would bother her. She has slight stretch marks on her tummy and I was more upset than her.
I questioned if she was comfort eating as it all started when her dad left and my life became incredibly busy. So I try and keep her busy but she no longer wants to go anywhere or do anything.
I know exercise is difficult sometimes so I have tried fun exercise suggestions but she doesn't want to.

I will look at some recipes. Thanks for the recommendations.
My other dd is 10 and eats healthy options.