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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP just did this

90 replies

ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:01

I came to bed an hour ago, pretty tipsy from drinking pimms and lemonade all night. I left DP annoyed downstairs as he though we were going to have sex (despite my policy of no sex when drinking). He came upstairs and got into bed. I was on the verge of sleeping. I said sleepily no babe I'm sleeping - more than once. He said he doesn't want sex he just wants to feel. I don't know why but I froze. He had sex with me while I laid there Not responding. He had to have known I was asleep, he can't have imagined I was conscious?! I'm still a bit woozy but lying here wide awake. I pretended to wake up, told him I hadn't agreed to that, that I remembered saying I was sleeping and I made him leave the bedroom.

I know I have to leave. Please don't like tell me that. Tell me HOW. We have 3 DC asleep in their beds. I have no money or access to money. He is downstairs. I need to get through the night here. Please tell me what to do in the morning.

OP posts:
ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BastardGoDarkly · 13/05/2018 01:06

What a cunt.

Wait until the morning and make a plan I guess.

Do you think he will leave rather than you and the kids?

BastardGoDarkly · 13/05/2018 01:06

Name change fail love, you might want to report that post?

SoWakeUp · 13/05/2018 01:07

Did you mean to name change?

BastardGoDarkly · 13/05/2018 01:07

As for how he could, I've no idea, but it's much too common on here.

I'm so sorry Flowers

ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoWakeUp · 13/05/2018 01:09

Do you have any family close by?

PrizeOik · 13/05/2018 01:09

Oh my love. I can only hold your hand. I am in a different time zone and will be here if you need to chat.

BastardGoDarkly · 13/05/2018 01:11

Grim.

Have you got family you can stay with? Clear your head?

People much wiser on the financial side will be along in the morning.

Do you think there's any possibility that he thought you were awake and participating?

ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:14

I don't see how he could have. Honestly I never thought he would do this

OP posts:
category12 · 13/05/2018 01:15

Why don't you have access to money?

Original poster
ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:16

I mean at this moment - couldn't stay elsewhere tonight as couldn't pay for it or borrow it

OP posts:
Original poster
ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:18

All tge family is driving distance away, I've had too much to drink to drive. Although I fell very fucking sober right now

OP posts:
WitchSharkadder · 13/05/2018 01:21

Oh, love. I’m sorry this happened to you.

You are right you need to leave. Why don’t you have any access to money? Can you gather financial documents, bank statements etc? Don’t put yourself at rush getting them, just if they’re to hand.

Is there any family or friends you could stay with tomorrow? If not, contact women’s aid as soon as you can.

Any chance he’s going out for a while tomorrow so you can make calls, formulate a plan?

WitchSharkadder · 13/05/2018 01:21

*at risk.

Original poster
ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:26

He'll be out for a bit tomorrow with my Dad. What do I do though? I cant really stay with family as no one really has space for us. We rent our house jointly. Can I tell him to leave?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShakingAndConfused · 13/05/2018 01:27

I feel so sick. He's going to say I was too drunk to remember agreeing to sex isn't he?

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 13/05/2018 01:31

You tell him to leave now

Littlechocola · 13/05/2018 01:31

And you call your dad and tell him that tomorrow isn’t happening

Petitepamplemousse · 13/05/2018 01:33

I’m so sorry this happened to you but you don’t NEED to leave or do anything right away. You can take some time to think. Don’t feel pressured.

bottleblue · 13/05/2018 01:33

I'm so sorry to read this. If you were too drunk to remember agreeing you were too drunk to agree. You can call the police although I know that may not at all be what you want to do. You should also be able to get an exclusion order to make him leave instead of you. I agree you can tell him to leave now.

Ginkypig · 13/05/2018 01:50

He can say that all he wants the fact is you remember and not only that you started this thread in the middle of the night not long after it and you described what happened so this is proof to you when he says that!

bottleblue · 13/05/2018 01:55

You could try calling this number - 0808 2000 247 - it's Refuge/ Women's Aid 24 hour line - they might have advice about your financial stuff, and things you need to know about how to leave.

G1ngerpig · 13/05/2018 01:58

This site might be useful for when/if you are ready: rapecrisis.org.uk/ifyouvejustbeenraped.php.

I am hoping that maybe tomorrow you can at least get the locks changed when OH is out with your dad? Unless your lease has a specifc clause saying you can't change the lock, you can. Maybe Shelter can help too? shelter.org.uk

Wondering if it's possible to ask your dad to tell OH to stay away for now? No idea how feasible that is. I'm also not sure how quickly you can get a restraining order but I would hope your's and the kid's needs would be prioritised.

So sorry and sending support. Totally ok to ignore everything I've suggested, as could well be too much.

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