Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don’t know what to think now

69 replies

Rezzala · 21/03/2018 21:09

Been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks. Had sex for first time last night, I asked him to put a condom on which he did. I realised afterwards that he’d taken it off, he admitted he didn’t like wearing them so had removed it.
I can’t decide if this is big enough to walk away and never see him again - maybe because he’d had a few drinks he wasn’t thinking too much about it?
Would find other people’s views interesting

OP posts:
Xnic · 21/03/2018 21:12

Walk away. That’s disgusting behaviour with no thought to you or your sexual health. You do realise that you didn’t consent to sex without a condom so this is rape. He is not a lovely guy.

ScreamingValenta · 21/03/2018 21:12

That would be a complete deal breaker for me. I wouldn't be able to trust him again.

Myheartbelongsto · 21/03/2018 21:12

Chuck him in the bin, I'd be livid!

I think its actually a criminal offence now.

Original poster
Rezzala · 21/03/2018 21:17

Yes maybe I should have left the “lovely” bit out!
I thought maybe I was overreacting but it is awful behaviour isn’t it. The more I think about it the more cross I feel

OP posts:
numptynuts · 21/03/2018 21:20

Bastard!!!! Angry

stellarfox · 21/03/2018 21:20

It is considered to be sexual assault now. Imagine if you got pregnant! Make sure you take the morning after pill

Emmageddon · 21/03/2018 21:22

Absolutely not acceptable. Get emergency contraception and tell him to fuck off.

Orlandointhewilderness · 21/03/2018 21:22

That is sexual assault. He has clearly shown you he values his wants over your control over your body. Run away from this one, he is vile.

RandomMess · 21/03/2018 21:23

Ewwwww get yourself checked out!

BewareOfDragons · 21/03/2018 21:24

That is sexual assault; totally agree with stellarfox.

I would get checked out and tell him you're reporting him to the police. Even if you don't, it will hopefully put enough fear into him so he doesn't do that to someone else.

I would report him to the police, though.

PlasticWatch · 21/03/2018 21:24

Oh wow what a horrible thing to do. Was he apologetic at all? I mean did he realise how wrong it was to do that? Get rid. Slime ball.

Original poster
Rezzala · 21/03/2018 21:27

Stellar luckily I’m on a trusty method of contraception but that obviously doesn’t take away the risk of catching something. Which was the whole point in wearing one
Plastic not really! He did apologise but it was very much a “sorry but I really don’t like them” apology!

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 21/03/2018 21:27

Wtf! Dump! I believe the law was changed to include this as a crime. If youre brave enough I would tell him that as you dump him. Although you dont owe him any explanation so just get rid however suits.

PrizeOik · 21/03/2018 21:29

That's assault. I feel sick for you, you poor thing. Xx

don't allow this person any space in your life . And I'd consider reporting him as it may prevent him assaulting the next woman.

LastOneDancing · 21/03/2018 21:31

No fucking way. I would have hit the roof!

He tricked you into unprotected sex. His pleasure trumps your safety.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

thequeenoftarts · 21/03/2018 22:00

I'd cut his dick off, how dare he.

LordNibbler · 21/03/2018 22:09

I guess he realised you would never have consented to unprotected sex. So, his wishes outweighed yours. And he obviously wasn't too bothered about your health or what you may catch from him. You need to dump him, and get checked out asap.
I'm sorry someone you thought you could trust has done this to you x

PrettyLittIeThing · 21/03/2018 22:14

Ugh this should definitely be an offence so good to hear that it is! I think it's sadly quite common (it's happened to a friend of mine more than once!) I wouldn't see him again he obviously can't be trusted.

Hermonie2016 · 21/03/2018 22:15

He crossed your boundaries and I think he will see it as a test - What can he get away with?
Its such a breach of trust at an vulnerable time..definitely a red flag.

Josuk · 21/03/2018 22:25

How old IS he???
(More curios than anything)

Not only he put you at risk. He also took a risk himself - he’s only known you for all of a few weeks...
And given his ‘not liking’ of condoms - who knows where he’s been before....

Also - out of curiosity - to see how far his madness went - did he finish inside of you w/o a condom as well????
First - that would make him an insane risk seeker.
And second - in that case - i’d get a std test.

I might get it anyway, if I were you. He is clearly not trustworthy and risky health wise.

Original poster
Rezzala · 22/03/2018 06:22

Thanks for your opinions, definitely know what I need to do.
He’s late 30s Josuk

OP posts:
Ihatemyclients · 22/03/2018 06:25

Total deal breaker, no question. The lack of respect is astounding. If he doesn't respect your boundaries on this he won't respect them on anything.

In case you think you're overreacting, in Sweden what he did would constitute rape.

category12 · 22/03/2018 06:29

Dump him hard.

sofato5miles · 22/03/2018 06:30

Bin him. He values his pleasure over safety and was incredibly devious. Bastard.

isthismylifenow · 22/03/2018 06:30

Just from this one action, it would seem that what he wants is going to be more important than any other issue.

Absolutely not ok in any way or form.

Actually this had made me really angry.

I am sorry OP. But you do know that now you have to go for a routine check don't you. Bastard.

Swipe left for the next trending thread