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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has just walked out on us and won’t answer the phone

68 replies

TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:24

Pretty sure he’s gone to his mums as I’ve texted her and she’s read the message but not replied. He won’t answer my calls and texts. Run out of bloody nappies as I was counting on being able to pop to the shops when he got back from work. Turns out he called in sick and took a half day, didn’t tell me. Went to his mums.

Feel sick and numb. I’ve got absolutely no one to talk to.

OP posts:
Prestonsflowers · 21/03/2018 20:26

If you dial 141 and then dial his number it will show on his phone as “number withheld”

TheNaze73 · 21/03/2018 20:26

Sorry you are going through this OP. Is there a root cause as to why he’s walked? I think that would be relevant

BelleandBeast · 21/03/2018 20:27

We need more information.

What happened? Did you have a row? So he walked out on his family (how many kids?) and run home to mummy. This doesn't bode well.

Has he form for this?

ChaosAndPiss · 21/03/2018 20:28

Check all your bags for a spare nappy or two. Every time I think we've run out I can always manage to find a couple of strays.

Ryder63 · 21/03/2018 20:35

Text his mother again and tell of the situation re nappies. HE IS A PARENT TOO and needs to step up to his responsibilites to his child/children regardless of why he ran off.

K1092902 · 21/03/2018 20:35

More info is needed here OP. Could you not walk to the shops or get a taxi? I understand at this time it might mean getting LOs out of bed but...

Or a neighbour perhaps or friend or family member?

Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:38

He says he’s depressed and he doesn’t want to be here anymore, got home from work (well thought he was at work) and told me he wanted to have a chat and said he was leaving

Mother in law is a useless goat. She panders to his behaviour.

Kids are 1 and 2, will be able to get out first thing. It’s just annoying. I now feel absolutely horrible and don’t know what to do with myself.

Still not answering the phone

OP posts:
Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:40

Doesn’t help that last night I fell down the stairs and have twisted my knee really badly. I can barely walk and now he’s buggered off and left me to it.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 21/03/2018 20:42

What a dick. I would send a message to him and his mum saying that you've run out of nappies and obviously can't go out tonight to get them so can he drop some home as he is still a parent. Especially if you've hurt your knee.

ChickenMom · 21/03/2018 20:42

Don’t pander to him. Stop messaging him. If you really have run out then get kids dressed and go finds late night opening shop. Tesco are often open until 10. Or get a friend to drop some off. The more you message/ring him the more he will dig his heels in. Show him that you dont need him

LexieLulu · 21/03/2018 20:42

Have you got a relative or friend who can get you nappies?

retirednow · 21/03/2018 20:44

How awful, you must be worried sick not knowing what's going on, don't ring him again, is there any other family you can call to help you. Can you text his mum to say you need nappies and are struggling to walk or is she ignoring you too. Is his dad around or any siblings.

PrettyLittIeThing · 21/03/2018 20:45

At that age you can take them out so surely you could pop out and get some it's not like they have school tomorrow.

Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:45

Thanks for the tip, managed to find some old ones in the kids bedroom. They’re a size to small but they will work for the morning.

They’re fucking selfish the lot of them. I’m only getting one tick on WhatsApp now so I’m guessing either his phone has run out of battery or he’s blocked me.

Said to my mother in law about the nappies but she read and didn’t reply.

I have a friend who lives about 20 miles away, she’s not working atm so hopefully she could come and give me a hand tomorrow. She’s no kids

OP posts:
Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:46

Thanks for the input pretty. I’m kind of more focused on my marriage being over but whatever.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 21/03/2018 20:46

Pretty it’s a huge pain in the arse to get them out of bed and then get them settled again though.

JaneEyre70 · 21/03/2018 20:46

If he can walk out knowing you are going to struggle, then he's an utter arsehole. He's just thinking of himself, not his children or you.

You must feel utterly shell shocked, I'm so sorry.

Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:47

I am worried retired. This is really out of the blue. Thank you for your kind words. Just feel like everything’s been shaken upside down. I have no family of my own to call on, like a say my friend is quite a way away and she doesn’t drive so it’s difficult. I feel very alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:48

He’s a selfish bastard Jane. I’ve also had some health concerns recently, he knows what I’ve been through. I’m just really hurting. Like it’s making my body ache.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:49

Thenappy thing I more mentioned because it’s just how much of a shock it was to me. I was expecting he would come home and I could pop out then we could have dinner and all would be good. And now it’s all shaken up and I feel sick. He won’t even speak to me. I’ve given him everything and he’s left me.

OP posts:
retirednow · 21/03/2018 20:50

Do try and get some sleep tonight, your children need you, try hard not to keep calling him or checking to see if he's messaged you, its going to be hard and he can't ignore you for ever. See what happens tomorrow. Flowers

Original poster
TheShaniaTwainExperience · 21/03/2018 20:52

Thanks retired. i Feel so drained and like I can’t breathe.

OP posts:
Ryder63 · 21/03/2018 20:53

I hope your friend can spend some time with you tomorrow. Also maybe ring your HV for support suggestions longer term?
Can you get your knee checked out tomorrow?

WinstonlovesJulia1984 · 21/03/2018 20:54

His actions are unbelievably selfish. Regardless of any difficulties he has within himself or the marriage, there are 2 children to be cared for and he is as responsible for them as you. His mother should be sending him back not facilitating his abandonment of his family.

ShawshanksRedemption · 21/03/2018 20:57

People with depression can be very selfish. I know because I have depression, and when I'm at my worst I can barely get out of bed let alone do anything. It's a horrible health condition to have.

I'me sorry your husband is feeling this way @Shania and it must be such a shock if it has come out of the blue as you say. I would suggest to him (if you do get to talk to him) that he sees the GP as a matter of urgency. In the meantime, please make sure you get some support for you too. Any family close by that can help?