Husband has just walked out on us and won’t answer the phone

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

Pretty sure he’s gone to his mums as I’ve texted her and she’s read the message but not replied. He won’t answer my calls and texts. Run out of bloody nappies as I was counting on being able to pop to the shops when he got back from work. Turns out he called in sick and took a half day, didn’t tell me. Went to his mums.

Feel sick and numb. I’ve got absolutely no one to talk to.

[Ryder63]

I was expecting he would come home and I could pop out

Does this mean you wouldn't expect HIM to pop to the shop and bring the nappies with him? Do YOU do everything re childcare normally?

[Faintlinesquints]

Sorry to hear your going through this. Where do you live? If I'm close I would get nappies dropped off to you.
I agree stop phoning him just now. He should have spoken this through with you at least and planned so you weren't left in the lurch, what he's done is really shitty.

[Pessismistic]

That is awful you must be devasted does he just need some space and will be back soon?

[Rainbowqueeen]

You will be in shock . Try some hot sweet tea.

Then tomorrow, sad as it may be, I would make plans on the basis that you can expect nothing from him. Then if you get something it's a bonus

It sounds like you are a SAHM. Speak to your HV and try to get a CAB appointment.

It will be hard but you will get through this.

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

He’s a selfish bastard. I’m not taking this depression excuse. He manages to lie and hang out at his mums for half days when he tells me he’s at work. He’s not ill, he’s an ungrateful selfish pig.

I’ve been depressed. I’ve had no choice but to get on with it. Our children don’t care if I’m depressed or not. I don’t just get to walk out and hang out with my mates or whatever.

I have no family left. My friend is the last one. I haven’t been very sociable since having the kids.

I don’t know how he can walk out on our children. They need him.

[Ryder63]

People with depression can be very selfish.

Yes, but he is with his mother. As the childrens grandparent who knows of the nappy situation, she should be in contact with OP - not ignoring her.

[AtSea1979]

OP do you work? Do the kids go to nursery? Keeping in routine will help you feel a bit more steady.
Don’t be afraid to call on neighbours, play group buddies etc strangers can be surprisingly helpful in a crisis.

Try not to call, message etc XH. It won’t restore your trust and respect for him, it’ll just make you feel angry that you were weak and he doesn’t deserve it.

[gillybeanz]

He's not walked out on your family, he's just having a wobble about something.
He'll be back tomorrow when he's sorted it out, I wouldn't worry OP.
Some people need to go off for a while to sort their heads out, it might be you one day.

Try to get some sleep and think about what you want to say to him when he comes home.
sorry you are going through this though.

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

Sorry going to address recent comments

ryder I’m Sahm so yes, that system has worked fine, tbh I dropped the ball what with my recent health worries (dodgy smear) and then this knee situation (can’t drive) I left the nappies thing a bit late. I accept that, I fucked up. But I figured things would be as normal and I could just go out and get them.

faint that’s a really kind offer. Found sound size 3s in the kids room so I will manage with them until my friend comes tomorrow. She is my absolute rock. I’ve stopped phoning, haven’t got the energy to be anymore dissapointef

pess he didnt really say. I asked him not to leave but he said he’s just so unhappy here. I just can’t believe it.

Thanks rainbow, yes SAHM. The house is mine so tbh it’s just getting a job is all I need to do.

[Juells]

He's not walked out on your family

What is it he's done, then?

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

gilly I don’t ever get to walk out. The children need me whether I’m feeling sorry for myself or not unfortunately.

And even if I did walk out, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. His mum takes his behaviour and accepts it. She always has done. Her loyalty is with her son and sod her grandchildren.

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

We had some problems when we first got together, mainly thaycMIL didn’t approve of us being together. I think that’s the root of her accepting this sort of thing from him.

[Juells]

House is yours? Is it not the family home?

[AdoraBell]

I’m sorry this is happening. Good advice from AtSea1979

For now just switch your phone off and try to get some sleep.

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

Well it was.

I mean only my name is on the deeds.

[Lifeisabeach09]

You may be right, gillybeanz, but should OP have to put up with that behaviour? The anxiety and stress of him walking out, not working, lying about going to work, will be massive.
Tell him to go fuck himself and plan for a life without him, OP.

[retirednow]

He's having a responsibility crisis and gone to his mummy, you sound very angry and upset which is perfectly understandable. If he's so selfish and lazy do you want him around anyway. Did he leave you enough money, he may well be depressed but he has children and a wife so can't just walk away. Have a quiet evening.

[GreenSeededGrape]

What a silly post Gilly

Yeah, it's ok to have a wobble and run back to his mummy. And ffs who hasn't pulled the last happy out of the pack and realised that was the end without any more.

Im sorry you've no support OP

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

That’s how it’s looking life

Don’t get me wrong, if he tells me he isn’t well and he wants to get better and make it work, I can deal with that. But he’s acting like a child. The kids need him wether he’s depressed or not. Life doesn’t stop.

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

I understand depression very well, I have a history of self harm and depression in my childhood. But we all really need eachother. We’re supposed to be a family

[bangingmyheadoffabrickwall]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You sound really strong in your messages even if you are feeling like you are falling apart at home.

I would put the ball in his court; tell him that you are here when he's ready to talk and just go about your daily routine as BEST you can.

Call anyone you have in your life who can come and be a rock to lean on - do you really only have his mother and your friend? Suely there are other relatives - BIL, SIL, siblings, cousins, neighbours, other friends etc?

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

Thanks green. It’s all pretty much out of the blue and I feel very thrown by it all.

[TheShaniaTwainExperience]

He has a sister, we speak but we’re not very close. I don’t speak to my sister either, she lives abroad now. Don’t speak to any of my neighbours, literally I have one friend. I know how pathetic it sounds. What a shit life eh

[gillybeanz]

I'm not saying OP should accept this behaviour, but keeping the drama out of it will help them to get through a difficult time if that is what they both want.
My dh did something similar when we had small dc, he didn't do it again because I made him realise what he'd done. He just needed time away to gather his thoughts, no lying about working though and mates house not mummy. No big drama, was back the next day and we talked and came to a decision about what we'd do if either of us felt the same.
During my menopause I left him holding the baby, so women can do it too. Obviously not at the same time.

[AtSea1979]

Lots of people don’t have many friends. Having young children is generally quite a sociable time though. Playgroups, library groups, exercise groups and so on. Not everyone’s type of thing I’m sure but if you’ve never been to any now is the time to make an effort and widen your support network.