Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I have a gambling problem and today is day to confront it

74 replies

Walkaboutwendy · 13/03/2018 14:30

You wouldn't believe how hard it is to write those words. I am so ashamed to admit this but it needs to be done.

My husband knows and I'm so lucky that he is being amazing in helping me get sorted.

I've registered for gamcare counselling.

Is there anyone else out there with the same problem and on the same journey to recovery?

Please be gentle I'm feeling really bruised right now Sad

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 13/03/2018 14:32

You've made a huge step in facing up to it. Well done.

Lifeaback · 13/03/2018 14:33

Well done for taking the first steps to sort it, that is one of the hardest parts. You can crack this Flowers

Original poster
Walkaboutwendy · 13/03/2018 14:37

Thank you. I had a crisis this weekend and it all spilled out. I feel relief but also a great deal of shame at my behaviour. I've got family members ranging from extremely supportive to openly hostile and I'm finding that hard to deal with.

OP posts:
newnamechange1 · 13/03/2018 14:53

I can only offer advice as the wife of a gambling addict which is basically be open and honest at all times.

Don't back out of the counselling, even if you feel like it, please don't.

Don't be angry at your dh if he is angry at you. Gambling affects the whole family and you need to remember that (not saying you don't). This will be hard on him too.

If you dh feels he needs to take control financially then let him. I know you haven't put in your post anything about the financial implications but just incase. I had to take control of all our money and I still do now. Dh has no bank account and his wage goes in my bank.

The only way we got through this was when dh was ready too. Only you can battle this addiction. Dh can help, counselling can help but only you can beat it. And you have to be in that frame of mind to do so.

The great thing is, it seems like you are so good luck. You can do it, you've come this far, keep going.

newnamechange1 · 13/03/2018 14:55

Also you haven't mentioned what type of gambling but if it's online, you can exclude yourself from all online bookies/betting/bingo/whatever it is. If you haven't already please do it. Same as actual bookie shops, you can self exclude yourself from those also if they are a problem x

springydaff · 13/03/2018 14:56

Have you looked at 12 step?

I'm a great fan

www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk

MrsMozart · 13/03/2018 15:03

Very well done.

Nothing at all to be ashamed of.

Be proud of yourself and keep taking those little steps. Life will become so much better.

Myheartbelongsto · 13/03/2018 15:47

Good for you for getting help. There would but no well done from me just yet. Why at family members hostile, has your gambling directly affected them?

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 13/03/2018 15:52

Well done OP for taking this step. I've not experienced this but I can imagine how someone could get addicted. All the ads on tv piss me off - make it look like it's just a big social club then add on "when the fun stops - stop " as it it were that bloody easy. Wishing you well..

newnamechange1 · 13/03/2018 15:55

@Myheartbelongsto it doesn't necessarily matter if it's affects them directly. When someone is an addict, it takes over everything. It becomes life. It's hard for others to understand it. They have the 'why don't you just quit' attitude. The same as family would question why doesn't an alcoholic just top drinking. It doesn't have to affect them directly (financially) for them to struggle with accepting what's happened. It's the fact that someone they are close to have spiralled out of control and basically, they just don't get it.

MarieG10 · 13/03/2018 16:08

Good luck with it... it don't lapse as there is only so much a sympathetic partner can put up with when the other has an addiction. Hope it works out for you

lougle · 13/03/2018 18:39

I'm so glad you've been able to admit it and your DH is supporting you. I hope your unsupportive family members can either become supportive or keep a respectful distance while you gain the strength to turn your back on the gambling.

I, for one, am very happy to share this thread with you, and I think you're awesome Flowers

gnarlington · 13/03/2018 18:44

I was in your position in November. I'm happy to say I haven't gambled since. Just take your time and you will be fine.
If it's online gambling there is an app that you can put on your phone that prohibits gambling sites. And unsubscribe to all emails etc.
I actually found it very easy in the end, after I had come clean. My husband was supportive but it took a while for him to trust me again.
I'm here if you need a chat

Original poster
Walkaboutwendy · 13/03/2018 20:52

Thank you all so much.

It was online gambling.

@gnarlington it's good to hear that you can come out the other side. Did you do the gamcare course or just go cold turkey?

OP posts:
HowRyou · 13/03/2018 20:59

Google gamcare

gnarlington · 13/03/2018 21:16

To be honest I just went cold turkey.
I went to a gamblers anon meeting and realised that I had caught it at the right time and was in the right mind frame to give it up.

ferando81 · 13/03/2018 21:16

Admitting you have a problem means very little in the scheme of things -the hard work starts now

Original poster
Walkaboutwendy · 14/03/2018 07:54

So day 2.

We have got the finances back in control. Nothing is in arrears, so as you say @gnarlington I'm hoping that we too have caught it in time.

All payments can continue to be made. We are due to move house soon anyway so we are able to pay off the debt.

Right now I need to get treatment so it never happens again. I'm going to ring gamcare later today to chase my application and also read the 12 steps - thank you @springydaff

OP posts:
Original poster
Walkaboutwendy · 14/03/2018 07:57

It's the shame that I feel right now that is the worst thing and I suspect it's what drives people back to gambling to replace that feeling with a 'high'.

My self esteem is rock bottom right now Sad

OP posts:
gnarlington · 14/03/2018 08:09

You will build your self esteem back up. It takes time but you will.
It's so easy to get addicted to, but persevere with it and you will eventually find that you don't miss it. I still have the occasional pang for it but know I will never do it again.

Unforgiven2018 · 14/03/2018 08:28

Hi Walkaboutwendy

I have first hand experience of this as the wife of a compulsive gambler. He has had a problem for 43 years. Last July I discovered he'd cashed in, and lost every insurance policy we had for the future and all our dc's future university funds, over £175,000 I think. I threw him out and he began twice weekly meetings at GA. By January I was considering having him back when my ds discovered he'd spent £850.00 by becoming addicted to a simple phone game with add ones that you pay for and now our marriage is over, but not for the reasons you think.

I am not trying to hijack your story but really just wanted to give you only one piece of solid advice that works, don't lie to your loved ones because it's the lies and deceit that is the killer. If he'd come clean about the £850 we may have survived but he denied it was a problem on the grounds that it wasn't strictly gambling and refused to accept responsibility.

Admitting you have a problem is everything but please stop any further lies and deceit. His dc's no longer wish to see him (I hope this will change and I'm working on it) and tell me it is not the money but the continual lies, they are 12 and 15.

We have lost everything, marriage, security, car, my daughter's pony will have to go and eventually our home I think. This could be you. I believe there is life after gambling if you want it badly enough. Stay strong, be honest and never look back at what you've lost, look only at the future and what you could lose. I wish you much happiness and peace.

Unforgiven2018 · 14/03/2018 08:32

Meant to say that the phone app (if that was your problem) is called K9. You can also self exclude yourself from all local betting establishments.

Bug hugs

gnarlington · 14/03/2018 09:27

Yes @Unforgiven2018 that's the one I was thinking of. Luckily I didn't need to use it, and my gambling hadn't got to a critical stage (I am in no way making excuses or excusing myself, I just managed to nip it in the bud quickly)
The lies is what my husband found so hard to forgive, and the shame I felt about lying was horrible.

yetmorecrap · 14/03/2018 09:45

I once got into online bingo when my h was away for a week, realised how very very addictive it was and have never been back on since. OP, you can do it I know, !!!!!

Bettalife · 14/03/2018 09:53

Completely agree with Unforgiven. Another wife (STBX) of a gambler. It wasn’t the gambling and the debt that killed our marriage, it was the continued lies and deceit and doing the bare minimum to keep me quiet.. (Oh, and the secret email account with hundreds of explicit emails, photos and videos with other women).

Take it one day at a time and be completely transparent. It’s a hard road, but you’ll come out so much stronger if you keep at it.

All the best to you and your family.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.