Hi Wendy,
Congratulations on admitting you have a problem - it's the first step to your recovery.
Full disclosure here - I am a compulsive gambler, and have been in recovery since 2012. I'm also a man, but that shouldn't matter.
Here's some advice I can give you.
- Don't gamble. At all. No lottery, no online casinos, no poker for matchsticks, no tombolas or prize draws. If there is a possibility to win something, don't do it. It sounds extreme, but it links back to something called the 'small bet experience'. A compulsive gambler cannot stop at a small bet - it always escalates. It won't be immediate, but once you've given yourself permission to have a small bet, you're making yourself vulnerable. It's happened to me.
Sometimes you have to be creative. For example, it can be hard to say no to a charity raffle - so, buy a ticket and write 'draw again' on the back, so there is no chance of winning.
- Live your life one day at a time. This is a simple but effective concept. The idea is that you're not going to have a bet today. That's it. You don't worry about betting tomorrow, or the day after, it's just today that's important. If you struggle with a day, then an hour, or 5 minutes. Get through that timeframe without betting. And repeat, every day.
It also means not worrying too much about the past also. You can't win back the money you've lost, or untell the lies, or undo the things you've done. Apologise if appropriate and move on. The best way to prove to others how much you've changed is to change. For me, becoming honest was the most difficult but rewarding thing I had to do - it's something I value immensely now. I was as much a compulsive liar as a gambler.
- Get help. Try and find a Gamblers Anonymous meeting, and attend, regularly. The people there understand what you're going through - they won't ask the stupid questions, and they'll support you when the going gets tough. For me, it's an hour and a half a week. I spent more than that in a bookies every lunchtime.
- Find something else to take up the time - you may find yourself with a lot of extra time on your hands. Find a new hobby, or resurrect an hobby that you used to love.
- Be practical. Install blocking software on all of your devices. Self exclude everywhere. And do it now, while the desire to give up gambling is strong.
Rescind control of money to someone you trust and give yourself a small daily allowance. This doesn't have to last forever, but in the short term it might help.
Make it difficult to gamble.
- Finally, and sorry to sound so gloomy, but treat this very seriously. My approach is to liken this to having a disease like diabetes - if I manage my illness, I can life a happy and fulfilling life. If I don't, it can kill me.
I don't think about being cured. In the past, I believed I WAS cured, and when I inevitably fell back into gambling it was worse than before. The goal is to have a happy life, despite being a gambler.
My life isn't perfect, not by a long chalk, but I have normal problems now, the same as everyone, not ones created by my inability to control my gambling.
I wish you all the best and success in beating this hideous disease.
Please, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.