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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left me for his social life....

76 replies

SJD80 · 21/02/2018 14:50

He'll deny it, but my hubby left me and his 5 yr old daughter 4 weeks ago for his social life. He has these single friends who i have a huge dislike for (in their 30s, live in a bedroom at parents/grandparents, out every weekend, stick powder up their noses, crap jobs) and hes started boxing... all of this started taking priority over me and the little one. When i questioned it, he left me, his excuse being he is fed up. Everyone has told him hes making the biggest mistake ever. In the mean time he got sacked from his job by his mouth running away with him. Ive also found from itemised phone bills that he is texting his single mates (one im particular) all day every day from about 6.30am. Am i right that this is strange? Hes always lied to me throughout our marriage and previous relationship and i still dont trust him. Im so stressed i have been signed off work. Despite it all, i want to make my marriage work.

Can someone please tell (convince) me im better off without him and should move on.

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 21/02/2018 14:53

Any suggestions that there is someone else on the scene? More usual to leave because there is another person when it is out of the blue like this.

CircleofWillis · 21/02/2018 14:54

Just reread your post. Is his single friend female or gay?

MorningCuppa · 21/02/2018 14:56

I'm sorry but any man who picked his social life over his family wouldn't be coming back to me! Who is this single Friend he has been texting all day?

Grumblepants · 21/02/2018 14:57

Could he be having his midlife crisis or suffering from depression? I'm not making excuses for him as he's obviously being a prick. But for him to suddenly want a party lifestyle and just leave may be signs he isn't himself.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/02/2018 14:57

Did you post about this a day or so ago? Guy who was fighting and went abroad with a woman from the gym?

LIZS · 21/02/2018 14:57

Frankly he doesn't sound worth any effort. His priorities clearly lie elsewhere.

MorningCuppa · 21/02/2018 14:58

By the way I don't mean a normal social
Life, but I'm gathering this isn't normal, from your description I'm guessing he wants to go out and "play" all weekend every weekend with his mates instead of acting like a family man with a child?

Smeaton · 21/02/2018 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helpimfalling · 21/02/2018 14:59

I’m so sorry your not alone keep us updated how you feeling has he left the home

It’s horrible when you feel alone but we’re all here x

FilledSoda · 21/02/2018 15:00

The person he is texting all day every day from 6am , that's who he is leaving his family for .
I'm so sorry op , he's being a dick.

dreamingalwaysdreaming · 21/02/2018 15:03

people with families don't usually have a single person social life like that - you're so much better off without him, he's lost his job, he's taking drugs and partying - sounds like he's heading for some sort of breakdown, you don't want your DC witnessing that at first hand. I've yet to see drugs and partying lead to anything good happening to anyone.

I've also never seen a feckless wanker turn around and go what 'you know what, you were right, I've been a dick' and then really change without first losing a lot. He's already lost his job so help him on his way with stage 2.

Original poster
SJD80 · 21/02/2018 15:06

His friend is male... as far as i know, not gay. But then neither was Elton John. I have thought about a crisis, depression, but it just comes across to me as playing games. Wants his lads life but then makes put its me when i accuse him of that. I initially thought affair, but i really dont think so. I really will be a mug if it turns out he is.... im just lost..

OP posts:
StormTreader · 21/02/2018 15:08

Your sure its his male friend, and not someone else he has saved under that name as a cover?

Original poster
SJD80 · 21/02/2018 15:08

No wasnt me. i did see this... sounded familiar.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 21/02/2018 15:09

He has lied to you throughout your marriage and you want to try to save it Why?

PipGirl404 · 21/02/2018 15:09

My ex did that too, blamed his 'mental health', said he wasn't in a position to be with anyone until he worked on his own mental health, and a month later he was with someone else. Fab!

What he actually wanted to do was go out drinking every weekend/during the week with his mates and not be at home with a 3 year old...

Luckily enough I met someone who is amazing and have since gotten over his little manchild syndrome.

Original poster
SJD80 · 21/02/2018 15:10

I also am thinking he could be covering it up. Only one way to find out i guess....call the number

OP posts:
dreamingalwaysdreaming · 21/02/2018 15:11

he doesn't have to be having an affair for you to walk away from what sounds like really shit behaviour. He's certainly not putting you and your DC first, he's not taking his financial responsibilities seriously either.

You could boot him out and see if he promises to reform. I'm not sure what he IS contributing - seems like it's not his money or his time, so what are you and your DC getting from the relationship?

expatinscotland · 21/02/2018 15:14

Nothing to save here.

Grumblepants · 21/02/2018 15:16

And you will not look like a mug in anyway if he is having an affair. Him being a dick is nothing to do with you. It's all on him!

EffingJeffer · 21/02/2018 15:18

Have you personally met any of these mates he hangs out with?

MorningCuppa · 21/02/2018 15:20

I thought the same, has he saved the number under a males name on his phone as a disguise? I would call the number.

diddl · 21/02/2018 15:21

"Despite it all, i want to make my marriage work."

Whatever the cause of his behaviour, you & your daughter deserve better.

clippityclock · 21/02/2018 15:23

He's gay and in love with his mate.

However, why on earth would you want to stay with him?? you don't trust him and he sounds like a jerk!

elisenbrunnen · 21/02/2018 15:24

Despite it all, i want to make my marriage work. - what marriage?

He lied to you, would rather be out drinking and drugging than growing up, and has a small child?