Husband left me for his social life....

[SJD80]

He'll deny it, but my hubby left me and his 5 yr old daughter 4 weeks ago for his social life. He has these single friends who i have a huge dislike for (in their 30s, live in a bedroom at parents/grandparents, out every weekend, stick powder up their noses, crap jobs) and hes started boxing... all of this started taking priority over me and the little one. When i questioned it, he left me, his excuse being he is fed up. Everyone has told him hes making the biggest mistake ever. In the mean time he got sacked from his job by his mouth running away with him. Ive also found from itemised phone bills that he is texting his single mates (one im particular) all day every day from about 6.30am. Am i right that this is strange? Hes always lied to me throughout our marriage and previous relationship and i still dont trust him. Im so stressed i have been signed off work. Despite it all, i want to make my marriage work.

Can someone please tell (convince) me im better off without him and should move on.

See a solicitor, file for divorce, get everything sorted for a life without this dickhead in it. Honestly. It is a total waste of effort to try to persuade a selfish man to pay attention to his partner and children. If he starts hinting that he will come back if you beg and plead enough, don't fall for it - a man like this wants to stick you in the 'mummy' role of doing all the housework, feeding him, making a 'home' for him to come back to after he's been out playing, and thinks he can push you into this by threatening to leave you again.

Type the number into Facebook search and see if it's linked to a profile before calling it.

Yep...hear what youre saying. I know i deserve better and the little one definitely does. Ive taken steps this week to look at selling the house and getting financial advice. And yes, i do know these single friends. My opinion is they are trouble. I guess im still in shock at the last 4 weeks. My appetite is returning so maybe that's a sign of something.....

The fact your appetite is returning is defo a positive it means your getting over the shock not eating phase a little

Perhaps get a friend’s husband to talk some sense into him? Worth a shot at least.

So he's abandoned you and his DD.
He's out drinking.
Living the single life
Doing coke and weed and anything else pushed his way
Has always lied to you.
Can't hold down a job now due to drugs and drink (allegedly)
Has a nasty temper and can't hold his tongue
You don't trust him.
He's stressed you out so much you are signed off of work.

And you want to SAVE all of that!?
Why?????

Please value yourself more than this.
This deadbeat is a waste of space and air.
Start the process of proper separation and divorce.
He's an asshole and you need shot of him asap.
Do you have some RL support around you at all?

Perhaps get a friend’s husband to talk some sense into him?
Hell NO!
We'll talk some sense into you so you can get out of this now before he drags you down any further!
They will addictions and debt and all sorts to deal with if you take him back.

He's done you a favour - let him go and he'll see what he's left behind eventually
See a
Solicitor before he puts what money he does have up his nose

yes, totally agree, your future is more likely to involve addictions and debts based on the signs, he's already lost his job too - at least if you split everything now, his future debts will be his own...

If you have a joint account / mortgage then get these sorted ASAP

I would say he definetly has a special new friend, either a woman he has saved until a male name, or he is bisexual. But the most my imagination runs away with me sometimes. I wouldn't text a friend at 6am. Feels a bit obsessive. Get somebody else to ring the number.

of all the threads on mumsnet, i don't think it matters if this bloke is shagging around or not - he's betrayed you in many other ways. You're unhappy. You don't need the 'excuse' of him cheating when he's already failed in all the other important ways.

Gosh I hate him from your description. Ewww babyboy!

Call the number.

tell the person who picks up that dh needn't bother coming back.

You can't trust this man, he is not invested in you, the marriage or your family I would be getting a divorce. Sorry but you can't go on a four week bender with a young family. Totally unacceptable.

I agree entirely with hellsbells

You need to call it a day before he totally drags you down and you get caught up in his seedy world of drugs and debt.

Google the number and look it up on Facebook. But regardless of what you find kick him out before he drags you and your dc down too

I know of a few guys like your ex. Refuse to grow up and make family their top priority and instead act like arsehole single young men , right down to the weekend drugs, excessive partying, trying to keep up with the younger generation etc. They dont ever grow up, cant hold down a decent job and just look like sad pathetic men. They can maybe get away with it in their early 20's, by the time they hit 40/50 its just sad and comical.

Frankly he doesn't sound worth any effort.

^ Exactly this.

God, don't call the number or do anything else to try to understand his behaviour - he's an immature fuckwit who has done you a massive favour by showing his true colours now rather than ten years down the line.

You have a wonderful opportunity to move on with your DC and carve out the life you both deserve, so do that and don't give this waste of space a second thought.

YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS!

He sounds really immature, sadly some people never grow up. Maybe he thinks the grass is greener on the other side, it appears his mates are having great fun being single so he wants to join in, he probably will regret it one day but by then it will be too late. You are probably better of without him and so is your child.

I don't understand why people like this give up on their children. It's just so selfish and ungrateful!

When i questioned it, he left me, his excuse being he is fed up.

No that is not true, it's just he does not want to grow up. He wants to be footloose and fancy free still without any responsibilities while still having a family.

They are usually losers who like the idea of having a wife and family (wife to feed and clean up after them, children to prove the power of the Mighty Penis) but also like the idea of themselves as untameable free spirits who will never grow old.

There isn't actually anything wrong with wanting to maintain something of a social life when you have DC, of course. But it will be a bit reduced, because you have to consider those DC and you also have to consider the other parent of those DC and that person's need for an adult social life...

Go to see a solicitor asap for advice, before he starts running up debt which you'll be saddled with or he wrecks your credit rating.
You maybe upset etc, but you need to take steps asap to protect yourself financially for the future.
Men like this just want a Mummy, and unless you want to be facilitating and caring for him for a lifetime, all ontop of doing all the hard graft donkey work of a job, house and child rearing, dump his arse.

I'd bet money on him crawling back to you when he's all partied out.

Please don't give him the satisfaction (or false sense of security that he can do what he pleases) and take him back, you deserve the opportunity to build a good life for your DD and yourself without this waste of space and energy around.