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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband left me for his social life....

76 replies

SJD80 · 21/02/2018 14:50

He'll deny it, but my hubby left me and his 5 yr old daughter 4 weeks ago for his social life. He has these single friends who i have a huge dislike for (in their 30s, live in a bedroom at parents/grandparents, out every weekend, stick powder up their noses, crap jobs) and hes started boxing... all of this started taking priority over me and the little one. When i questioned it, he left me, his excuse being he is fed up. Everyone has told him hes making the biggest mistake ever. In the mean time he got sacked from his job by his mouth running away with him. Ive also found from itemised phone bills that he is texting his single mates (one im particular) all day every day from about 6.30am. Am i right that this is strange? Hes always lied to me throughout our marriage and previous relationship and i still dont trust him. Im so stressed i have been signed off work. Despite it all, i want to make my marriage work.

Can someone please tell (convince) me im better off without him and should move on.

OP posts:

MrsElvis · 21/02/2018 16:38

Could boxing be a cover story? Is he really going

BerylStreep · 21/02/2018 16:40

why on earth would you want to make your marriage to this loser work?

He doesn't want to be with you, he lies - always has done, from the sound of it probably also does coke, and he has no job.

Eliza9917 · 21/02/2018 16:55

He's probably a little over invested in the powder.

Irishtwinmumma · 21/02/2018 16:58

You both have to want it to work, but it seems like you’re the only one.
He’s done you a favour by leaving tbh x

Whattodo2022 · 21/02/2018 17:08

Sounds like a lucky escape to me.

Whattodo2022 · 21/02/2018 17:08

For you I mean

Whocansay · 21/02/2018 17:40

You need to protect yourself financially. He will be running up debts, particularly if he has developed a coke habit. Make sure you don't get stung for them.

Don't let him drag you down.

Original poster

SJD80 · 21/02/2018 18:01

Boxing... i know he is doing this as i know others that go so dont think its a cover. And coke...i know his friends do it, but i really dont think he does. Mind you, i never thought he'd walk out. And deep down i know you're all right. I just feel like ive failed and my daughter loves and misses him so much.

I hate to use the phrase as its controversial, but i need to man the eff up! Thank you all...

OP posts:

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 21/02/2018 18:02

You also don’t want to end up being his nurse when the addiction takes it’s toll.
Run

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 21/02/2018 18:04

And boxing... concussion effects. Nope.

FabbyChix · 21/02/2018 20:25

What’s his good points I don’t see any. He clearly hasn’t grown up yet

Original poster

SJD80 · 21/02/2018 21:10

Immature, hasnt grown up, selfish, jerk, done me a favour.... things ive been saying for weeks. Im going to get out while i still can and theres still money in the bank. Physically and mentally exhausted....

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 21/02/2018 21:14

You dont truat him. He doesnt deserve trust. He is a nob. In 12 months youll be glad he went.

gillybeanz · 21/02/2018 21:19

Your deserve better than this.
it sounds like he could be gay, losing all his family and job to talk on phone all day isn't normal.
Why on earth would you want to be with a man you describe so badly.
Looks like he's done you all a favour.

weehedgehog · 21/02/2018 21:25

could you add the number to your phonebook, and see if the contact comes up on WhatsApp? If the person has a photograph, you might be able to find out a bit more...

Original poster

SJD80 · 21/02/2018 22:23

I called it...it was his mate. They text 28 times up to 2pm today from 6.30....

OP posts:

Reddlion · 22/02/2018 04:25

maybe it isn't his mates number just saved under his name
do you have a social life at all?

Reddlion · 22/02/2018 04:28

sorry just saw your reply
cokehead like to stick together and get high together does he sniff a lot like he is bunged up and has a cold?
more aggressive?
more paranoid?
if so he is a cokehead to

and they have no morals so fucking another women or man doesn't matter

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2018 04:59

You’re already starting to get over him. Don’t go backwards. You will regret it if you do. Your child comes first. Not your feelings because you love him. And you don’t love the man he’s become. You love the idea of him. The best part of him. Not this partying arsehole druggie.

MrsUnderwood · 22/02/2018 06:24

I have a friend who went through this exact same situation. Her husband wanted the image of being a family man but the life of a single playboy- complete with coke and dickhead mates. She divorced him and she and her little girl are so much happier. You don’t need this arse hole.

Bekabeech · 22/02/2018 06:35

You haven't let your DD down, he has.
The way to not let her down is to make a clean break ASAP. It might upset her in the short term but is better than living with a Dad who doesn't prioritise her. And if he wanted he can still parent her from his own place.

Original poster

SJD80 · 22/02/2018 07:29

Yes, i have a circle of really good friends. Some of them are his also who he has deserted. Of course his opinion is that they haven't bothered with him. But they all just cant believe what hes done. As much as i want my marriage to last, im definitely flogging a dead horse. Any man who chooses hia deadbeat loser mates over his wife and child doesnt deserve my love. Ill probably feel different in a few hours. Every day is a rollercoaster....

OP posts:

Whattodo2022 · 22/02/2018 07:39

SJD - don’t worry about marriage not lasting. A lot of marriages don’t last. He just doesn’t sound worth any effort. Your life will be miserable if you get back with him. Move on and find a new more appealing life for
Yourself.

Helpimfalling · 23/02/2018 09:10

I hope today's a good day for you

Cut contact with him for a week or two and fight the urge to call him

I guarantee in a few weeks your find clarity

NotASingleFuckToGive · 23/02/2018 09:30

My BIL has just done exactly this to his DW, for the second time.
Left her and their young DC again, to enjoy "the life he never had by settling down so young" he's 35 ffs
It is my dearest wish that when (yes, when) he goes back to XW to say he's made a huge mistake again, that she's changed the locks and moved on. I truly hope she has, as she's worth so much more than the sum of his shit. So are you .

If your DH thinks he can live the single life for a few months and you'll be waiting with an open door and warm bed when he's had his fill, he will keep doing this. Don't do that to yourself. Besides, who wants a jobless, feckless man-child for a DH anyway?! Are you going to pay for his nights out with his single mates now that he's unemployed? It might not seem it, but he's done you a favour.
The trash has taken itself out!

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