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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

And now he has lost his fucking job!!

50 replies

donners312 · 18/01/2018 11:53

My Ex is truly the most useless twat in the world.

No maintenance for nearly 3 years, he finally got a job still didn't pay CM deduction of earning ordered just after christmas and guess what ....

He is also taking me back to court because he hasn't seen his kids since August (because I won't take them to him!!)

OMG just a useless useless piece of shit.

Rant over

OP posts:
Iooselipssinkships · 18/01/2018 12:05

What a wanger. They end up proving you right in the long term with the shit they do. My ex makes mistake after mistake still (from afar) and I just think well at least I was right about him and he keeps continuing to prove it. Just allow it to validate why you left him and why he's an ex.

VimFuego101 · 18/01/2018 12:11

What an idiot. I would keep making clear to him that the children are available for contact on whatever days he's supposed to have them, and keep a paper trail, e.g. 'The children will be available for you to collect them at 9am Saturday - please let me know whether you'll be seeing them or not so that I can plan some activities for them if not'.

SleepySheepy · 18/01/2018 12:15

I feel your pain. My ex is also useless and I have had to make it clear over the years that I will not put up with his BS.
Stay strong Mumma xx

stickytoffeevodka · 18/01/2018 12:18

You're really having a shit time of things with this idiot.

Flowers - I really hope things get better soon!

GabsAlot · 18/01/2018 12:37

how can he afford court with no job?

if he wants to see his kids he can come and get them

BadHatter · 18/01/2018 13:39

I believe donners is a regular. She moved herself and the kids extremely far (6 hours?) from her partner and has been court ordered to make the trip to deliver their kids to him on his contact days... which she refuses. And I believe he doesn’t have a method of transportation/money to go to the kids, hence the court order and why he hasn’t seen his kids in months.

Changedname3456 · 18/01/2018 13:48

^^ Ah, yes I remember some of those old threads. I’m appalled (but unfortunately not surprised) that a court would permit one parent to move kids so far from the other.

If he’s genuinely low / no income, and the court has ordered you to do the travelling, then he’s not unreasonable to expect you to fulfill that obligation. At some point the court will decide you’re deliberately blocking contact and could potentially reverse custody. It’s unlikely, but possible.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 18/01/2018 13:53

@BadHatter, no, her partner moved six hours away. She didn't.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 18/01/2018 13:54

She says so here.

mandi73 · 18/01/2018 13:55

I may be mistaken but I think donners312 is the one financially screwed, he's no job so no income as such but has been hiding assets. As far as I can remember it's she who can't afford to travel and he isn't just some poor man who's children were ripped from his arms.

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 15:19

Hi thanks for those that remember me - yes he chose to live far away from his kids.

He also emptied the bank accounts (leaving us homeless)and has refused to pay maintenance for 3 years nearly now. Whilst living in a 2.5 million pound house with his GF and flying on numerous holidays in business class.

I work and have financially supported the children myself now for nearly 3 years. I have accepted that it is his bullying that is getting me down. His emails are so rude and entitled! "I expect etc"

I now have support from GP, schools and CAHMS that him and his GF mentally and emotionally abused the children on their last visit in August so i guess could go to court with that but i don't trust the courts now plus i am sick of it. But if he takes me to court i will just submit the evidence and not go myself.

Him have custody??? He has only seen them twice a year for the past 2 years - he doesn't want them. He just want to continue to try to control me.

Thanks so much for those supporting me it means a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 15:20

Hi thanks for those that remember me - yes he chose to live far away from his kids.

He also emptied the bank accounts (leaving us homeless)and has refused to pay maintenance for 3 years nearly now. Whilst living in a 2.5 million pound house with his GF and flying on numerous holidays in business class.

I work and have financially supported the children myself now for nearly 3 years. I have accepted that it is his bullying that is getting me down. His emails are so rude and entitled! "I expect etc"

I now have support from GP, schools and CAHMS that him and his GF mentally and emotionally abused the children on their last visit in August so i guess could go to court with that but i don't trust the courts now plus i am sick of it. But if he takes me to court i will just submit the evidence and not go myself.

Him have custody??? He has only seen them twice a year for the past 2 years - he doesn't want them. He just want to continue to try to control me.

Thanks so much for those supporting me it means a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 15:20

Hi thanks for those that remember me - yes he chose to live far away from his kids.

He also emptied the bank accounts (leaving us homeless)and has refused to pay maintenance for 3 years nearly now. Whilst living in a 2.5 million pound house with his GF and flying on numerous holidays in business class.

I work and have financially supported the children myself now for nearly 3 years. I have accepted that it is his bullying that is getting me down. His emails are so rude and entitled! "I expect etc"

I now have support from GP, schools and CAHMS that him and his GF mentally and emotionally abused the children on their last visit in August so i guess could go to court with that but i don't trust the courts now plus i am sick of it. But if he takes me to court i will just submit the evidence and not go myself.

Him have custody??? He has only seen them twice a year for the past 2 years - he doesn't want them. He just want to continue to try to control me.

Thanks so much for those supporting me it means a lot.

OP posts:
BadHatter · 18/01/2018 15:21

You are correct. Thank you for the correction.

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 15:24

He doesn't give a toss about his DC.

He took me to court so he could have the DC for Christmas this year. (even though i hadn't said he couldn't)

He then went on holiday without them - never left them a Christmas present or anything (I had a thread about that as well i was so upset for them although to be fair they were ok about it - never said a thing).

He never even called them on Christmas day.

He finally called them last week and had a go at them for not ringing him!! He said "he considered it quite rude actually!!!" I couldn't believe my ears!!

Last year he gave them their christmas present at Easter - they were Lidl Santas which he had actually wrapped and selection box. One of DC doesn't even like chocolate!! He is/was a high earner.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 15:26

Sorry i am a regular unfortunately - have to get it off my chest and sometimes i minimize his awful and crazy behaviour but thanks to you lovely lot I get it in proper perspective again and realsise how bad it all is - I just wish he would go away and stop his stupid round in circles bullshit - i am trying to work and start my life again but i can't. It just feels so hopeless!

OP posts:
JontyDoggle37 · 18/01/2018 15:32

I think the best thing you could do for yourself is laugh at him. A lot. In his face.
Him: “the kids should have phoned me”
You: “ha ha ha, that’s really funny, you’re delusional. Do you have anything valid to say?”
Psych him out. Treat him like a silly child and laugh at him. Tell him he’s predictable and boring. Sigh loudly ‘oh this again - wondered how long it would take you...” Disarm him by being completely and utterly not bothered. The only people who can hurt us are the ones we let hurt us. Easier said than done, but true nonetheless.

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 15:41

I actually don't have any contact with him, I did try to arrange contact with him and the DC but a typical example would be as soon as the DC said they were away with a school trip or visiting someone for the W/E I could guarantee an email insisting the ONLY time he could see them was then. I actually wrote to his Solicitor pointing out how often this happened.

Since I was ordered to take the DC to him he insists I take them there but i won't because DC want to carry on with normal activities here and he refuses to come and see them.

As he has so rarely seen them and it has not gone well when he has i have suggested he just come for lunch or dinner and spend short periods of time until the trust builds up but he refuses.

I won't go into what has happened but it does appear based on CAHMS report that he is not a good influence in DC life and that contact has a detrimental effect. But I can't afford solicitor or court. He says he is taking me back to court now anyway.

OP posts:
BadPolicy · 18/01/2018 15:58

You're playing a dangerous game by not complying with the court order.

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 16:03

why what are they going to do?

Give them t him to live in a bedsit or with his mental GF?

or put them in care when I home, clothe and feed them?

What do you expect me to do - drive them to him, and then not have enough money for food the next week?

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 18/01/2018 16:22

It’s wrong that they expect you to drive them too him, what if you didn’t have a car and couldn’t afford bus/train fares? He’s not paying a penny towards them yet he expects you to pay fuel money to get them to him?

Let him take you back to court, chances are he won’t get anywhere with it.

eddielizzard · 18/01/2018 16:25

what a bonkers situation. absolutely bonkers. i'm mad on your behalf.

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 16:39

ah thank you!!

I really feel at the end of my tether today with it all TBH.

Last night his stupid threats and today the CM situation.

why can't he just behave like a normal Dad?

OP posts:
greenberet · 18/01/2018 16:43

@donners123 what have we done to deserve this -

I've just posted on my thread today after more shite too from my x - cms finally complete their review and he's challenging it - I feel pretty close to breaking point with all the constant shite - continual undermining of me by overriding contact to suit himself and what can we do about it - seems bugger all - I think the only way I stop this is by the kids living with him full time - does he want this - no fucking way - will mess his nice little life up - do the kids want this I have no idea - they no longer want to talk about it - but doubt it and this then means I am subjecting them to full on manipulation and or rejection - but this is where I'm at - because absolutely nothing else works and I do not know where to go for help and I don't think I can do this for another 18 months without going under and doing myself damage

Anyone know how to deal with this - laughing them out will not scratch the surface - in fact I'm not sure what will work - they need pain inflicted on them -but I don't think they will feel this either as they seem immune to the damage they are doing and anyone who behaves like this and can continue functioning is dead to the core - and this means love too - so in case you are still reading OW all the flowers, holidays fancy this and fancy that means nothing absolutely nothing - it may seem like love but it ain't - it's all bought - anyone can buy stuff off the shelf with enough £££ - but love is a feeling and it can't be bought - someone who can inflict this much pain on their own children has no idea how to love

Donners this is what we hAve - endless love and they can't even get close - even when we're kicked we get up and give our kids more. Xx

SheSellSeaShells · 18/01/2018 16:44

that is truly batshit you're expected to drive them to him!!! I'd be furious too

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