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to not want to split the cost for the DC to see their deadbeat dad!!

(64 Posts)
donners312 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:12:06

I am flabbergasted that after going to court today the judge suggested that i may have to contribute towards the cost of my dc seeing their deadbeat dad.

He refuses to work so he doesn't have to and never has paid maintenance.

he has chosen to live 6 hours away from them despite having no job or house where he is living (presuming he is the cocklodger to his latest victim) and now the court my rule that as a single mum on minimum wage i may have to contribute towards him coming to visit them - just unbelievable, this country has gone mad!!

ZilphasHatpin Wed 26-Apr-17 21:14:53

shock I really hope they don't order that you have to! That would be a real slap in the face. What expectations did the judge place on their father to contribute for the costs of contact? And what about child support? Did the judge mention this?

NotStoppedAllDay Wed 26-Apr-17 21:15:16

'May' have to?

What's the judge actually said?

NotStoppedAllDay Wed 26-Apr-17 21:16:16

Child maintenance is seperaye and won't be discussed in court

Op. He should pay £5 a week from his benefits... apply for it

AyeAmarok Wed 26-Apr-17 21:17:06

Maybe you should just shrug and say "sorry, I don't have the money", like he does.

Or does that excuse only work one way?

donners312 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:19:16

That the court would expect the parties to split the cost of the father to see the children and that we are going to a final hearing in June.

I actually burst out laughing!

I have to work to put a roof over the children head - he saw the children twice last year and now i will possibly be expected to pay half the cost incurred for his contact to take place (for the record he is loaded and refuses to work out of choice and so is not legally obligated to pay child maintenance) and there is nothing i can do!

donners312 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:19:50

he can't apply for benefits as he has too much money

donners312 Wed 26-Apr-17 21:21:23

ayeamorok - it appears to only work one way - so in other words there is nothing i can do to make him contribute financially to the childrens upbringing but i have to contribute to facilitate contact - i am in shock honestly

ZilphasHatpin Wed 26-Apr-17 21:33:27


Pinkypierainbowdash Wed 26-Apr-17 23:02:57

How awful

I wonder if the same woild apply,if you didnt work or have a car .

Fight it to the end.take statements of your spending and make it so you have no money then surely .you van do what u font have money for

Just like yor ex

I would lobby my mp about farthers who have money but dnt pay

They should be subject to checks of money they have and be forced to pay

Shame on this country to allow such a shambles

ChasedByBees Wed 26-Apr-17 23:19:37

Do you have a solicitor? This is outrageous. Can't you just say you don't have the money?

HelenaDove Thu 27-Apr-17 01:51:29

Yes that excuse only works for the one with the penis.


HelenaDove Thu 27-Apr-17 01:54:10

Isnt it weird that we have embraced so many American imports........24 hour shopping, multi dating etc Yet the one American import this country seems reluctant to embrace is the rule on Child Support........its a criminal offence to not pay it over there.

ijustwantfiveminutespeace Thu 27-Apr-17 01:58:48

Does he actually want to see them?
Is the reason he only saw them twice last year your doing or his?

MadamePomfrey Thu 27-Apr-17 02:03:45

That is ridiculous!! If savings can be taken into account for benifits surely the sane should be true for a)maintenance and b) visiting costs!! To say otherwise is madnesses!! I agree spend every penny you have between now and the hearing start the kids in clubs anything then take statements ect with you to prove all your money is needed else where!! This makes me so cross angry

HelenaDove Thu 27-Apr-17 02:16:36

Fucking misogynistic judge.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 27-Apr-17 02:22:51

You need to see a solicitor. If he's truly 'loaded' enough that he doesn't have to work (i.e. he can live off the interest of his money or his principal is so much that he can 'never' use it up), then that should be taken into account. If it's 'family money' (i.e. in trust or his parents support him) it's probably trickier. But there are plenty of wealthy people who don't have (or need) jobs who still have to pay maintenance.

If by 'loaded' you mean he has a few £1000s in the bank, then you're probably SOL.

donners312 Thu 27-Apr-17 14:37:07

He has nothing in the bank but i presume he transfers money over from his offshore accounts - he has lived now for 18 months with no income, no savings and no benefits?? HOW??

He isn't a millionaire though no.

And no that is the whole thing he doesn't give a toss about them but that is a whole other thread!!

But put it this way he drove 6 hours yesterday to come to court in the town where his children live and didn't ask to see them - never does!! it's totally bizarre. offered him to have them last weekend - no response!!

He just wants to drag me down and annoy me - or just not be ignored 100% narcissist.

and thanks for the support and comments everyone!

donners312 Thu 27-Apr-17 14:37:57

I did wonder about going to see MP pinky?? but what will they do?

Feel powerless!!

donners312 Thu 27-Apr-17 14:38:45

I think i might transfer car into family name and say i don't have one - good idea.

Genuinely got no money so OK on that front sadly - don't need to pretend i don't ha ha

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Thu 27-Apr-17 14:41:15

Email your MP today. .
I have regarding a current matter and they rang me the next day (well his secretary) and it seems to have got things in motion that I have been trying to since last June!!
Worth a try. .

donners312 Thu 27-Apr-17 14:46:35

what would i be asking my MP to do though?

I had thought of starting a petition? but it just seems such a low priority?
It is child neglect though in my opinion what does he think the children live on - fresh air?

Also my family said our MP bit of a dick and more likely to feel sorry for him not me ha ha

AcrossthePond55 Thu 27-Apr-17 18:14:39

i presume he transfers money over from his offshore accounts

You defo need to speak to a solicitor then.

Atenco Thu 27-Apr-17 18:36:26

Also my family said our MP bit of a dick and more likely to feel sorry for him not me ha ha

Well if there was ever a time that your MP might be interested in courting your vote it is right now.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 27-Apr-17 18:42:43

Draw out a budget backed by bank statements and show why you haven't got any money to pay towards the cost of anything.

If by some insanity you end up being told to pay, don't pay he'll need to take you back to court and get the order enforced maybe then you'll get a judge with a bit of sense.

Children's matters in courts are really really awful the children's welfare not taken into account at all unless you're very lucky.

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