Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

And now he has lost his fucking job!!

50 replies

donners312 · 18/01/2018 11:53

My Ex is truly the most useless twat in the world.

No maintenance for nearly 3 years, he finally got a job still didn't pay CM deduction of earning ordered just after christmas and guess what ....

He is also taking me back to court because he hasn't seen his kids since August (because I won't take them to him!!)

OMG just a useless useless piece of shit.

Rant over

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 18/01/2018 16:46

its astounding the court ruled u have to take them to him-what crap did he come out with to get that

dizzy174 · 18/01/2018 16:46

so he is wasting tax payers monies for no good reason. surely that won't go well in court - or am I missing something here.

greenberet · 18/01/2018 16:46

@donners123 what have we done to deserve this -

I've just posted on my thread today after more shite too from my x - cms finally complete their review and he's challenging it - I feel pretty close to breaking point with all the constant shite - continual undermining of me by overriding contact to suit himself and what can we do about it - seems bugger all - I think the only way I stop this is by the kids living with him full time - does he want this - no fucking way - will mess his nice little life up - do the kids want this I have no idea - they no longer want to talk about it - but doubt it and this then means I am subjecting them to full on manipulation and or rejection - but this is where I'm at - because absolutely nothing else works and I do not know where to go for help and I don't think I can do this for another 18 months without going under and doing myself damage

Anyone know how to deal with this - laughing them out will not scratch the surface - in fact I'm not sure what will work - they need pain inflicted on them -but I don't think they will feel this either as they seem immune to the damage they are doing and anyone who behaves like this and can continue functioning is dead to the core - and this means love too - so in case you are still reading OW all the flowers, holidays fancy this and fancy that means nothing absolutely nothing - it may seem like love but it ain't - it's all bought - anyone can buy stuff off the shelf with enough £££ - but love is a feeling and it can't be bought - someone who can inflict this much pain on their own children has no idea how to love

Donners this is what we hAve - endless love and they can't even get close - even when we're kicked we get up and give our kids more. Xx

GabsAlot · 18/01/2018 16:46

its astounding the court ruled u have to take them to him-what crap did he come out with to get that

dizzy174 · 18/01/2018 16:46

so he is wasting tax payers monies for no good reason. surely that won't go well in court - or am I missing something here.

SheSellSeaShells · 18/01/2018 16:46

that is truly batshit you're expected to drive them to him!!! I'd be furious too

SheSellSeaShells · 18/01/2018 16:47

that is truly batshit you're expected to drive them to him!!! I'd be furious too

Enirroc · 18/01/2018 16:53

My xh moved around three hours away from us and frequently whinges about having to fetch them, how much it costs him etc, to the point of yelling at me about it in my home, in front of the children, about how much better off he'd be if he saw them less... happy happy children... hmm. I bet his new gf that he sponges off would be horrified if she knew.

Anyway, he chose to leave, not me, he chose to move all that way, not me... I won't formalise the contact through court for a number of reasons- and the risk of them forcing me to do flipping six hour return journeys for him is definitely one of them. It's ridiculously unfair.

Mycashybear · 18/01/2018 17:06

How the hell did the court come to the decision that you should take the kids to him after he moved away. That’s fucking insane. I have never heard of that. So sorry this is happening to you

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/01/2018 17:12

Did they actually order you to do the transportation yet? I thought that wasn’t being considered until the summer?

RandomMess · 18/01/2018 17:15

@donners312 Thanksas always he is such a waste of space. At least he is far less of a damaging influence than he would be by seeing them regularly.

How old are your DC now?

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 17:29

thanks for all the messages.

yep basically in the final hearing the three ancient and clueless dickheads they had as magistrates ruled that i had to take them to him - there were loads of mad demands that ALL got met all stuff my solicitor said could never happen, basically if he says jump i am meant to say how high. My court order is insane but won't list stuff as its so outing.

Basically he just said he couldn't work as he was so upset that he never saw his kids. He was penniless and homeless and sleeping on his Dads sofa (I had to get the tissues out at this point as you can imagine and that he lived 6 hours away had no car etc.

Reality was (and I found this out about a month after the court case), he had a millionaire GF who had been the OW. I didn't know at the time and he had been living in a 2,5 million quid house!!! Guess where - an hour away but he had seen his kids twice in the previous year because it was too far to come and he couldn't afford it. He was driving a range rover but had told court he had no car!! He has been on so many bloody holidays and likes to pose on FB holding magnums of champagne.

And i work and pay to support the DC with no help from him. I don't know how he lives with himself and how his GF can fancy a man like that i'll never know - he's a mooch.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 17:31

Greenberet - just awful don't get me started on CMS they are beyond useless they are going to reassess my case for same reason so i am 7 months on (and thats after 2.5 years of NOTHING) and now back to square one. It is so unjust and so unfair.

Thanks Ramdommess!! - they are nearly 12 and nearly 14 so its sort of irrelevant now, I think he thinks they are about 2 and 4 and he can order them out and take them to soft play, but they have their own lives now i hardly see them they are so busy.

Thank you everyone for the messages i do really appreciate them.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/01/2018 17:35

I'm sure you have the evidence piled neatly that shows he lied to the court.

It beggars belief doesn't it. He just wanted his day in court. Perhaps the GF will realise she is bank rolling a narcissist one day or perhaps they suit each other.

The end is in sight due to their ages hang on in there Thanks

Floralnomad · 18/01/2018 17:37

At that ages the children can make up their own minds what to do and ring him if they want to , sounds like you’ve had a lot to contend with .

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 17:38

Thanks Random - the court don't seem to care if he lies, on the day he kept lying and i kept saying he was but they don't care.

Him and GF seem really well suited although they are both the same type and i do feel they both need a victim, dying to see who screws who over!!

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 17:40

Flora - well this is it, I paid and continue to pay for the phones they have and he can call them when he likes and visa versa? Whats it got to do with me?

Likewise if they want to see him they can arrange it with him and let me know i think? As long as i know where they are going and safe.

I have been re reading old emails though and we just go around in circles and it is obviously not about seeing the kids otherwise why doesn't he just come and see them. Also they have loads of hobbies - he could just turn up and watch how could i stop him but never been to see them perform/train once?

OP posts:
DownTownAbbey · 18/01/2018 18:08

I'd be tempted to get a PI to get photos of him driving/living in luxury etc. Then you can make the photos into paper planes with sharp and pointy noses and chuck them at the idiot judges. I hope he gets his bollocks caught in a zip. Flowers

Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 18:18

I did!!

I know that sounds mad but i had to know where he lived and I need to trace the money he had helped himself to (no luck on that front though)

Thats how I found out he lived so close to us! Just a massive liar.

OP posts:
Original poster
donners312 · 18/01/2018 18:21

I had loads of photos.

One example was he was meant to see kids - then cancelled as he was too poor to come here and see them.

He went to a NBA game in the states with his GF! instead!

Loads of examples of this!!

Court don't care!!

OP posts:
greenberet · 18/01/2018 18:30

Donners you know what you are pretty lucky that he chooses to have so little to do with them - really yes! Your kids get to see you dealing with the shite he has landed you in and you are managing - I know your life isn't how you thought it would be - but it must be pretty stable during the periods where you hear nothing from him and from the sounds of things your kids are getting on with their lives and doing well - despite the blip they had in the summer - if they are out and about with hobbies etc what do you get to do for yourself - have you got any social life?

They will not be free from the damage his behaviour is doing but if they are both? Under CAMHS hopefully they are getting help to deal with their emotions and feelings.

I couldn't get my two to talk to anyone - they are still caught in the middle - my saving grace is my Dd is doing psychology - today she has been doing depression - she has it in black and white what I have been saying to her - I just need Ds to see this too - but he still has his head in the sand

blueCanvas · 18/01/2018 18:31

what a tosser. stay strong. I hope your child(s) understand that you are the "good one" in this situation because more often than not the children side with the one with more money( not always and I'm not blaming kids its just that they are normally materialistic) make sure your children know if they don't already that this is not normal behaviour for a farther and that its unacceptable. I know parents who are pressured by others to not tell the children that there mum/dad is not presenting normal behaviour and the children end up marring someone similar. of corse this s not every family and I wish you well.

greenberet · 18/01/2018 18:51

Donners just read your bit about PI :-)- I was just saying yesterday think I need to pay a visit to X,s new office and take some photos - see what a business looks like going down the pan - and maybe a road trip to find the house he has just bought

These judges - fucking unbelievable! What is their agenda - talking to someone else about how the systems actually make it worse for a lot of people

greenberet · 18/01/2018 18:59

Blue canvas - I get this - this is my situation - kids still bought by latest iPhone - Ds by luxury family holidays with X and OW and her kids - had to correct him other day - this is not his family - his family is dd - not some OW that destroyed his family life and that her kids are benefitting from at his expense!

I tell my kids that decent fathers do not make the life of the mother of their kids hell when they chose to bugger off with someone else - they do not lie and cheat - I have to otherwise they will believe this is ok and the last thing I want is them having abusive relationships themselves -Dd at the receiving end - Ds dishing out the abuse. I have to hope they get this

Original poster
donners312 · 19/01/2018 08:58

BlueCanvas - I am lucky that although he does have money he won't spend it on them. He hasn't given them birthday presents for 3 years and like I say literally gave them Lidl chocolate saints for christmas last year - at Easter!! not joking.

In a way i wish he would give them iPads and phones etc as they are expensive but i have managed so ...

Greenberet - I know i am lucky he doesn't see them often but there is never a shortage of aggressive and unreasonable emails to deal with and no I don't have a social life ha ha!!! I wish!!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread