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Original poster

Anyone else just been dumped? Support thread

62 replies

tigerbear · 01/12/2017 08:39

Hi, I've just been dumped by someone I'd been seeing for a few months. It was only 2 months, but I'd totally and utterly fallen for him. Pretty much the first person I've really thought 'this could finally be IT' (at the age of 40, and following being divorced and many other relationships). This guy seemed to tick all the boxes, and finally seemed like someone normal and decent.
I'm at the point of over analysing everything, constantly checking my phone to see if he's on WhatsApp, looking at his Instagram, looking at photos of him, etc.
Anyone else in the same situation and need a hand hold to get through this shitty bit?

OP posts:
ReasonableLlama · 01/12/2017 08:42

Not currently in this situation but have been many times

Why did it end?

It's such a shit feeling but you just need to ride it out. Distract yourself, go out, pamper yourself, watch TV, read a book wherever you like doing.

I always found it wasn't the guy I was upset about but more the thoughts of what could have been.

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 08:53

Reasonable - thanks for replying.
It ended because we only saw each other once a week and he didn't want to meet up this week in favour of doing his fitness routine. I'd asked if we were meeting up on Wednesday (as the last time I'd seen him was the previous Wednesday), and he said no, that he wanted to get back on track with his fitness and do weights every night this week, so that he'd be in great condition for the weekend (the sad thing is, I was planning a big Christmas party for this Saturday where it was to be the first time he'd meet all my friends and family.)
I expressed how upset I was that I'd not be seeing him midweek, and sent a few curt messages, and he got pissed off at that. Turned it back on me and said he wouldn't take moodiness or sulkiness from me.
The hurtful thing was, we each have children from previous relationships, which is why we saw each other so little, yet I'd been trying desperately to make massive changes to my daughter's routine, i.e. Changing the weekends she's with me, in order that him and I could spend weekends together.
That I was so low on his list of priorities was really hurtful.

OP posts:
Annelind · 01/12/2017 09:18

That I was so low on his list of priorities was really hurtful

Remember this line when you feel down. You deserve to be someones priority. You rescheduled your weekeends for him - but he fucked you off for doing weights every evening?
Fuck that noise!

Sounds like he could be a bit of a controlling arsehole too - Turned it back on me and said he wouldn't take moodiness or sulkiness from me.
Minimising your upset as sulking Hmm

Lucky escape, I'd say!

Cricrichan · 01/12/2017 09:25

The thing is, if you want to get fit then it's got to be no excuses. If he works and has his kids then he's got to make time for it and you were seeing each other this weekend. I would get annoyed if I was in his shoes. Also it's a lesson that you should only rearrange your life if the other person is meeting you at least halfway. If it's you that's doing all the accommodating then he's really not that into you.

User6252562 · 01/12/2017 09:26

I'd say lucky escape too

HellonHeels · 01/12/2017 09:28

You don't need to do weights every day to get fit!

You dodged a bullet OP.

fortunacookie · 01/12/2017 09:28

That happened to me Op 🙁it's not fun but at end of day if he couldn't manage one day a week after 2 months it's awful to say but he just wasn't that bothered...get yourself back out there and find someone who is. I learned that a man whose into you will make sure he makes time for you no matter what and there are plenty more out there.

Don't settle for crumbs as this is all this guy was prepared to give you

Myheartbelongsto · 01/12/2017 09:36

Next time don't desperately try to change your daughter's routine for someone you've only known two months.

I don't think he was that into you, sorry op.

Mum4Fergus · 01/12/2017 09:37

"yet I'd been trying desperately to make massive changes to my daughter's routine, i.e. Changing the weekends she's with me, in order that him and I could spend weekends together. "

After just 2 months of once a week meet ups...really?

Take some time out and find someone more deserving of you OP Thanks

Adviceplease360 · 01/12/2017 09:40

*Next time don't desperately try to change your daughter's routine for someone you've only known two months.

I don't think he was that into you, sorry op.*

Don't change your daughter's routine for any man ever.

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 09:45

Thanks for all the responses, I appreciate it.

Crichrichan - the thing is, he's already fit, like 6-8 pack. One night off wasn't going to make any difference. Plus, his son didn't live with him, so he had literally every day of the week to do what he liked.

Yeah, I guess he wasn't that into me. He did tell me that in his last relationship (of 6 months), it ended because she wanted to see him more, he wasn't ready for the commitment, so she split up with him. He realised his mistake several months later and tried to get back with her.

He did send me a message yesterday saying that he's really sorry about everything, and that he just can't deal with any conflict/argument/confrontation. He says he knows that's not a good thing, hence why he's still single at 44.

OP posts:
Namethecat · 01/12/2017 09:47

Especially if those weekly meet up included sex. I'd say you are definitely worth more than that. You say he was the first in a long time - well see him as just the beginning of your journey back !As the saying goes ' You kiss a lot of frogs until you meet your Prince '

cakecakecheese · 01/12/2017 09:48

I'm sorry he did this but hopefully soon you'll realise it was probably a good thing as it does sound like it was a bit one sided.

I would suggest unfollowing/blocking him on social media as going cold turkey is often the best way to get over someone.

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 10:15

I've unfollowed him on Facebook and Instagram, but maybe blocking is the best way. He's a massive Instagram fiend, posts stuff nearly every day. One of the other concerns - think he's a bit narc - loves posting pics of himself with his top off, etc. I think he loves the attention. He's a very good looking guy, and knows it.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 01/12/2017 10:16

He sounds like an utter waste of time. Too into himself and his six pack to be bothered with anyone who wants to be treated like an actual living human being.

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 10:19

Hellon - Sadly true, I guess.
I just can't believe I thought he was finally one of the good ones. He used to sit and sympathise with me over what a dick my ExH is.

OP posts:
uncoolnn · 01/12/2017 10:29

Exactly the same here. We broke up last Friday with him giving some bullshit excuses about not having time for both me and his mates but as the days pass I realise that I never was his priority like he was mine. We only saw each other once a week too, and it was always me doing the rearranging. It doesn't feel like it yet, but I know I've had a lucky escape and it sounds like you have too. Take care of yourself.

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 10:33

Yep right here. Was living with my (now) ex, currently pregnant with his baby, he kept bringing up getting married & stuff. Saturday he watsapp messaged me telling me he was leaving, no chance of him coming back, doesn't want any contact.

I spent the first three days sobbing into my teddy like a heartbroken flower, checking watsapp to see if he had been online etc. Then I had to go sign on (currently job hunting after issues at previous job) which is utterly degrading & it made me go 'you know what, fuck you, you prick'
Only reason I haven't blocked his watsapp is because I'm giving him the opportunity to stay involved with the pregnancy - his previous with his kids is good so am hoping he doesn't drop this baby.

Men are wankers!

Annelind · 01/12/2017 10:36

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

― Maya Angelou

1DAD2KIDS · 01/12/2017 10:47

I very sorry for you, it's gutting. Relationships seem impossible as a single parent, especially when both are. Me and my gf are both single parents and I work ft in including weekends. We see each other every 2 weekends (when we are both kid free), of which I am also often working. We won't see each other tgis weekend because she has family down, and for the next time. So unless we can sort something in the week (which is hard for both of us) we may go 6 weeks with out seeing each other. I do worry that she'll tgink at some stage what's the point as we never see each other?

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 10:51

Uncooln - same, hopefully in time we'all realise it's a lucky escape, but right now I can't align him how he's acted in the last few days, with him as how he'd acted over the past few months - in mainly a really sweet, caring way. Messages non stop, all day every day. He used to message me at 5.30/6am as soon as he woke up, to say good morning. That's the stuff I can't stop thinking about, and bet the same for you too.

Mustbemad - fucking hell, sweetheart, I am so sorry. What a total, utter c@nt!! You sound so brave and strong, and you are absolutely the better person in still giving him the opportunity to be involved with the baby. I hope you have loads of RL support to help you through.

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 10:54

Thanks Tiger - no family here sadly but a small group of decent friends. I understand what you mean about he little things; he used to leave for work at 5am & as soon as he got to work he would message me, something like 'have a good day beautiful' which always put a smile on my face. The first few days after he left I would wake up at 2am because on lates that's when he would get into bed & give me a cuddle. It's always the little things that are the hardest to forget

uncoolnn · 01/12/2017 10:59

Definitely agree about the little things. I was friends with mine before we got together and the thought that we've now lost the friendship as well as the relationship is horrible. A few other things went on and I hate him for what he's done but I really miss him.

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 11:00

Mustbemad - yes, yes, EXACTLY that!!! His messages would be like 'morning gorgeous, thinking of you', then another when he got to work, then just silly things throughout the day. Fucking hell, I'm sitting here crying now. Such admiration for you, coping with all the other hormones flying about right now.

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 11:00

Why do we always miss them when they treat us like shit 😔

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