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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else just been dumped? Support thread

62 replies

tigerbear · 01/12/2017 08:39

Hi, I've just been dumped by someone I'd been seeing for a few months. It was only 2 months, but I'd totally and utterly fallen for him. Pretty much the first person I've really thought 'this could finally be IT' (at the age of 40, and following being divorced and many other relationships). This guy seemed to tick all the boxes, and finally seemed like someone normal and decent.
I'm at the point of over analysing everything, constantly checking my phone to see if he's on WhatsApp, looking at his Instagram, looking at photos of him, etc.
Anyone else in the same situation and need a hand hold to get through this shitty bit?

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Annelind · 01/12/2017 11:02

The problem with messaging is - it's easy. It is very common to feel that the endless messages cement someone's real feeings for you, and make you feel 'coupled up' when in reality, if they can't be arsed to find time to spend with you - it's just words on a screen to keep you sweet and keep you hanging.

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 11:03

Uncooln - that's really sad too. How long had you known him for? Just seems like such a waste and such a shame, doesn't it?

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Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 11:04

Annelind - true, I suppose. I fell too quickly for him because of all those little messages, and the constant interaction with him, but I guess it wasn't real.

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AFistfulOfDolores · 01/12/2017 11:08

I agree with Annelind. Words are easy. Far too easy at times. What someone does on the other hand will tell you everything you need to know about them - including, sometimes especially, what they don't do.

Annelind · 01/12/2017 11:08

Yep. Actions speak louder than words!

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 11:12

See my ex leaving was a complete shot out of the blue. Until that point I thought everything was okay - everything was going as it should, he was attentive etc. Him disappearing & not even bothering with me or my DD anymore was like seeing a different person

uncoolnn · 01/12/2017 11:25

So sorry mustbemad I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. What a twat he sounds Shock

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 11:31

Twat is far politer than anything I've called him 😬 He isn't even coming to our first scan next week. Talking of actions speaking louder than words, think that says it all. But hey ho!!

It's nearly Christmas, onwards & upwards right!

uncoolnn · 01/12/2017 11:34

Definitely. I'm thinking get Christmas and new year out the way and then a fresh start in January. Cliché but it's helping at the min!

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 11:36

Absolutely the way forward 🙂 I'm using December to have my meltdowns as they come then I intend to look at moving closer to family. New Year, new start

uncoolnn · 01/12/2017 11:40

Sounds like a good plan Smile

Cricrichan · 01/12/2017 11:52

Tigerbear - he sounds like he's only in love with himself. A 44 year old posting pics of his body on Instagram?? Cringe. Unless he's a pt or building his business on his body then you've had a lucky escape .

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 12:07

Crichrichan - I know, it does seem a bit cringe, thinking about it. He is very handsome, and has transformed his body over the past year so I suppose he's proud of it, but still. He uses hash tags like #fitnessgoals#oldermen#handsome#malemodel etc Hmm

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letsdolunch321 · 01/12/2017 12:09

So sorry to read this OP, block him on every piece of equipment you have. My son offered me good advice when I was in your place .... when you feel like texting your ex etc this feeling will last 20 seconds only at one time. Think of something else and-count to 20. I carried this out and it worked. I do agree with others on here you have had a lucky escape.

mustbemad17
What a wanker your ex sounds, fair play on you having plans in place. You will find the wat forward - my daughter was in a similair position 20mths ago pregnant and ex cheated on her. Now she has cut the ex out of her life, has her baby girl and is attending college learning a career. Trust me you will be fine xx

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 12:14

Thank you Lets - unfortunately I have been here with my DD's sperm donor so it isn't new to me. My biggest goal now is to get moved closer to family so that I have the support - starting to realise that my ex cut me off from a lot of my friends!!

I love the 20 second rule. I've kept him unblocked on my watsapp but archived the thread so that i'm not tempted every time i go on to message somebody else

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 12:53

Thank you Lets.
Good advice, I know, but I can't help thinking, but what if he messages me again. I'm kind of hoping for another message from him, acknowledging that he's been a dick. I know that's really stupid, though, to want/hope for that.

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Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 12:57

Have now archived the messages in WhatsApp, so same as you, Mustbe, I'll not be tempted to either message him or scroll through all our old messages.

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mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 13:18

It stops that stupid fluttering heart feeling every time you open Watsapp. So far so good 😬 We can do this, us women are made of strong stuff

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 13:35

You're right. Now because he's not in my active chats, I can no longer check to see if he's online.
We will get through it!! Smile

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GirlDownUnder · 01/12/2017 14:06

Hey tigerbear , sorry if I’ve missed it but I don’t see where he’s dumped you. Yeah he says he busy and blah blah

Honestly, if he’s not expressly —dumped— ended it, you need to emotionally and mentally end it with him.

He totally had time for you before, and all the messaging and shite, but now it’s got real, he’s bailing.

Dump his arse, trade up, and smile Smile

HellonHeels · 01/12/2017 14:11

Oh dear those hashtags on his instagram! How embarrassing. I really hope you feel better very soon OP, this tragic bloke is not worth your time.

TheNaze73 · 01/12/2017 15:47

You weren’t a priority & never will be

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 15:51

Dump his arse, trade up & smile

Love this 😍

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 18:30

Girldownunder

Yeah, he did dump me - said he didn't need bad vibes and moodiness from me (when I was upset that we weren't going to see each other) - and said it would just cause a bad atmosphere between us now, so he's just going to call it a day between us.
He's prob out finding the next fling as we speak Hmm

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Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 20:44

Fuck, I've had a few drinks and just messaged him to say I miss him, FFS! What an idiot Sad

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