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Original poster

Anyone else just been dumped? Support thread

62 replies

tigerbear · 01/12/2017 08:39

Hi, I've just been dumped by someone I'd been seeing for a few months. It was only 2 months, but I'd totally and utterly fallen for him. Pretty much the first person I've really thought 'this could finally be IT' (at the age of 40, and following being divorced and many other relationships). This guy seemed to tick all the boxes, and finally seemed like someone normal and decent.
I'm at the point of over analysing everything, constantly checking my phone to see if he's on WhatsApp, looking at his Instagram, looking at photos of him, etc.
Anyone else in the same situation and need a hand hold to get through this shitty bit?

OP posts:
Annelind · 01/12/2017 21:05

Don't beat yourself up, OP. We've all done similar, which is why it's best to block, delete etc; Flowers

mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 21:51

Don't worry about it OP, been there done that!! Hope he hasn't replied. Enjoy your evening & put your 'fuck you' cap back on in the morning xx

Original poster
tigerbear · 01/12/2017 21:52

No he's not replied, he's not even read it. Will now block!!!

OP posts:
mustbemad17 · 01/12/2017 21:53

Good idea 😃 You got this!

mustbemad17 · 02/12/2017 14:38

How you doing today Tiger

Hermonie2016 · 02/12/2017 15:07

avoids conflict/argument/confrontation

Big red flag, added this to his vanity he really would be a nightmare.

As soon as you had a "need" he reacted badly.Too early to say but your instinct of narcissistic might be right.
Keep repeating to yourself that you had a lucky escape.

Original poster
tigerbear · 03/12/2017 15:57

Mustbemad - sorry not to reply til now. I had family come to stay yesterday - they were all coming down supposedly to meet him for the first time at a party I was having. I'd cancelled the party, but they still came anyway to support me, and a small group of close friends came too. Ended up getting drunk and messaging him again (he'd replied to my messsge of Friday to say he missed me too). Nothing in response to the last message.
Hey ho.
How are you??

Hermonie - I'm really trying to think of it as an escape, but I try as I might, I still can't think of him as a total bastard yet. Been reading our messages that we exchanged constantly, and they were all so lovely.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 03/12/2017 21:17

Oh dear. Those messages aren't real, OP. He was faking and turned nasty at the first sign of you being an actual normal person with your own wants and needs, and not just someone there to reflect his glory. You can totally do better than him. Flowers

My advice: delete all those messages and emails, delete him from social media, block and delete him fron your phone.

Annelind · 03/12/2017 21:33

OP please please delete these messages and his number and block. As Hellon says - these messages aren't real, and you'll keep drunk messaging, massaging his ego while making yourelf feel like shit. Why do this to yourself? Gather your dignity now.

Original poster
tigerbear · 04/12/2017 12:20

Thanks Hellon and Annelind

I've now blocked him on Instagram, as I was just torturing myself checking it all the time to see if he'd posted new photos. Yet to delete all the messages and block him on the phone though. I think it was the messages I was kind of addicted to - my last partner wasn't into texting and messaging at all, so to have this one messaging constantly have me a total high.

This is going to sound really arrogant, but I've never actually been dumped before - it's always been me doing the splitting with people, so this is all new to me, and I just don't know how to process it all.
And in this mindset, I don't know if I can do better, Hellon. I've been looking at the online dating sites again, and no-one even comes close, physically. He's the only man I've really, properly fallen for in a physical sense. That's the thing, though, he's so good looking, he knows he can pretty much go from one to the next, I think.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 04/12/2017 13:56

Well done on the blocking etc.

As for the 'doing better' thing - is it really doing well to get with a good looking bloke who's a player/serial monogamist/committmentphobe/unkind/self absorbed/vain? I mean, all those characteristics are quite ugly and unappealing aren't they?

I'm in the mindset of good looks not being the be all and end all for choosing a partner. Maybe you could think more on why a partner MUST be hugely conventionally physically attractive to be attractive to you?

Lefty1 · 04/12/2017 14:54

My chap is heavily into the gym , has six pack for days and would basically do a superset day ( like say bicep / triceps done in 40 mins) when it comes to the evening of seeing me so that he could have it done and out the way...if this man was really into you he would make the sacrifice / get creative about his time.

Think the best thing to do is as you've already done , block him and move on. You will meet someone new in time and you'll wonder why you were so cut up ....but it's sucks being on the receiving end of the "dear john/jean" letter. Sending hugs

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