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Original poster

Any one had a relationship with a Sociopath / psychopath

65 replies

Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 18:28

I think i have.

Only 5 weeks out so still looking for answers / trying to figure things out in my own mind, just looking for someone to talk to really :-(

OP posts:
tintrighttintfair · 26/07/2017 19:14

It should not be your burden to figure out the whys and wherefores. He/she was a jerk.

Find normal and concentrate on that. Smile

What kind of thing have you been wanting to do that you are now free to do?

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2017 19:18

What questions do you have OP? Your name says "you should have known", why do you think that?

Purplerain40 · 26/07/2017 19:23

I am quite sure my ex partner is a sociopath/narcissist . He drove me to depression and i almost lost my mind and my logic. I saw the light when i started reading about those disorders and realizing that it wasnt me the problem, but him.He can change from a nice, caring person to a monster within seconds, raging, threatening, blaming , smashing things. All is great until you disagree with him .Then all his energy goes to humiliate you and "win" . One night he woke up and started telling me how he had a dream about killing somene.He also told me that death of other people never bothered him (he saw his aunt dying of cancer and a stranger in a car accident) and how he was just watching them dying and felt nothing but curiosity. . H e said that he wanted to get help from a professional but then again "maybe a sandwich helps him feel better".The creepiest conversation i ever had and all i wanted to do was run away Much of the time he is "normal" and very charming to other people but he has something very very dark inside him.

Original poster
Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 19:29

I know i don't need to figure him out, but I'm not coping to well as present and have so many things in my head...

He was never violent / agressive with me but his while life for the last 20 years (well the version he told me) was a lie, our relationship was a lie.... the levels of deceipt and manipulation are impressive, not only to me but to his friends and family to... yet he's so calm!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 19:35

Dione - when I met him my first impression was this man is a liar... I even told friends. But he fooled me, I fell in love

It's hard to fall out of love with someone like that. He's charming and convincing

OP posts:
kingfishergreen · 26/07/2017 19:35

I have.

Not a violent, stabby psychopath, but a person who literally had no regard for anyone other than himself.

As part of an onboarding process for a new job he had to take some psychometric / personality tests, the outcome was an official meeting to discuss their findings. One of which was that he was put on a list of people who should never work with or be allowed to foster/adopt children (idk what list that is, or even if the whole event was a lie).

The first rule of dealing with someone like that is; don't try to understand them or rationalise their behaviour, they operate in an entirely different way than anyone else.

Have you come across the Robert Hare test?

Original poster
Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 19:41

That's the problem, I'm trying to rationalise his behaviour by normal standards... not thing to work off is it.

Not heard of the test but this i recognise the name, will Google it

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2017 19:42

It sounds to me as though you are trying to figure out yourself, rather than him. This is good. What isn'the so good are the millions of questions that are going round your head. Get them out. You may not get answers or even the right answers, but it will be better than your brain eating itself.

Original poster
Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 19:44

He would score well on the test...

OP posts:
AnneofGreenGablesAgain · 26/07/2017 19:46

I have known one (ex dh bf). He was like Iago in Othello if you've ever seen that Shakespeare play. Liked hurting and manipulating others, playing god, constant lying and expected others to be too stupid to catch him out. Bit scary.

Original poster
Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 19:47

I think I'm just worried... I'm scared of being wrong... what if he is just depressed and needs help?

He's assuring me this is it, he just got lost, he's getting help... actions not words...

I guess it's easier to believe this then believe I've been played for 3 years

OP posts:
Original poster
Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 19:48

It is scary how he has behaved. So calculated. So many lies

OP posts:
Runninglikeamummy · 26/07/2017 19:49

An ex of mine was/is a narcissist/sociopath. He had to do a psychometric test through work and scored ZERO for anything associated with charity and altruism.

He was incredibly charming and disarming but his only motivator in life was his own ego, and the image he projected to the wider world. Anything that he felt reflected badly in him was met with a terrible rage.
And his pattern with everything was Idealise, Devalue, Discard.

Guccibelt · 26/07/2017 19:54

I wondered if exh is a narcissist as he is very arrogant, conceited and unfeeling. However he is far from charming so I ruled it out. I have personally diagnosed him with a personality disorder which is probably completely pointless but makes me feel better.

I do think it's pointless trying to analyse it too much and look for answers although it is probably your way of processing it.

yetmorecrap · 26/07/2017 20:03

I'm sure quite a few on here feel they have now, but doesn't feel like that always for quite a long time

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2017 20:26

If he's depressed and needs help then he needs a therapist. You are not a therapist. He's a liar and you can't trust him. End of story. Move on and stop wasting your time trying to figure him out.

keepingonrunning · 26/07/2017 20:36

I hope it helps to know there are people on this board who understand your pain completely.
Be prepared for others to minimise your thoughts and feelings.
You have to have gone through it to comprehend the devastation of being conned by someone with whom you shared your home, your heart, your bed and your children's DNA, especially after so many years.
Sending and Flowers.
There are a lot of resources online such as love fraud.com, outofthefog.website, psychopathsandlove.com. Also on YouTube, search narcissistic abuse.
As soon as you feel able, find your nearest Freedom Programme.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/07/2017 20:52

Kingfisher - that thing about fostering is crap

Op yes I think I've had a relationship with one. Exh was bad but he has some emotions. Exp has no empathy with other people at all

I fully understand the need to talk it through and just recover really!

SuperSkyRocketing · 26/07/2017 20:56

Having been in a similar situation what I've learnt is that whatever problem he has, it's his problem. It's how he is. He won't change (unless he gets serious long term help) and he will treat the next woman the same as he treated you. How he treated you and how he lied to you is no reflection on you, it's fully on him. Once I got that into my head I stopped trying to figure him out because I realised that it's just who he is, and most likely who he'll always be.

kingfishergreen · 26/07/2017 21:03

Kingfisher - that thing about fostering is crap I always wondered whether it was crap, I couldn't think who'd hold this list of doom. A lot of what he said was dubious.

There was one specific lie that even I saw through (bearing in mind I was completely in love with him). When he was stopped for drink driving, for which he later lost his license, he swore blind the police officer who stopped him commended him on his driving, and said that even when so drunk he couldn't stand, he was one of the best drivers he'd ever seen.

He genuinely expected people to believe hat. Like really..?

MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 21:03

Agree with many above...my ex is a narc/ sociopath/ both...lucky me! Counselling for me really helped...made me understand that he was the issue and most importantly that he couldn't be fixed.

He is still very charming...but still the same cheating lying manipulator. I've learned to see his face as a mask of deceit...else is probably still fall for it.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/07/2017 21:07

OP, are you still in contact with him?

LimitedSedition · 26/07/2017 21:11

Honestly, any socio/psychopath would have the noodles to fiddle the psychometric test. It's pretty easy when you know what you're looking for (control questions etc)

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/07/2017 21:12

Kingfisher I'm a sw - lists like that would be really handy trust me but to initially screen we only have police checks and the social services database to rely on!

It's the sort of rubbish both my exes could have said though. Exp especially who would then get quite angry if you myth bust him with evidence.

I did wonder with exp if he was used to people believing his shit more than I did or whether he just chanced it every time

DrMorbius · 26/07/2017 21:12

It's a lot more common than you think Op.

An ex of mine was/is a narcissist/sociopath. He had to do a psychometric test through work and scored ZERO for anything associated with charity and altruism

To be frank his problem was not his NS tendencies, it was/is he is dim. These things are easy to fool. He should have known what the "expected" answers were and answered accordingly.

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