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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any one had a relationship with a Sociopath / psychopath

65 replies

Ishouldhaveknown · 26/07/2017 18:28

I think i have.

Only 5 weeks out so still looking for answers / trying to figure things out in my own mind, just looking for someone to talk to really :-(

OP posts:
Renarde75 · 27/07/2017 19:05

Incidentally, there is an American Psychologist (would have to dig book out for name) who reckons that sociopaths are about 4% of the population - or 1 in 25.

Food for thought.

Dowser · 27/07/2017 19:51

Mine definitely had those tendencies.

Loopytiles · 27/07/2017 19:52

No, you should NOT support him. The fact that you are thinking about doing so is worrying. Low contact and "mutual friend" (a flying monkey?) isn't doing you any favours: no contact would be much better. His problems are his to sort out.

You refer to a previous abusive relationship too. Look after YOU. Lundy banncroft. Freedom Programme.

Pawsbutton · 27/07/2017 20:42

Yes.

He was full of charm.. but he was dishonest, manipulative, cruel, possessive, untrusting, narcissistic and jealous.

He was diagnosed as a psychopath.

He had concealed weapons in his house, including a loaded hand gun and an assault rifle.

He stalked me, using surveillance techniques he had acquired whilst working in the forces.

I was terrified of leaving him (this was years ago) and I still live in fear.

DancingGoose · 27/07/2017 21:02

Did he try any hoovering Namila?

Runninglikeamummy · 27/07/2017 21:32

What's hoovering?

Barbaro · 27/07/2017 22:05

Psychopaths are not always dangerous people. It's a personality disorder, not 'they will stab you' disorder.

They are reckless, manipulative, charming, sexual deviants, they lack empathy entirely and they are liars. You can't help a psychopath or change them, not without damaging their brain further and basically you'll be left with an empty shell of a person by doing that. It is a brain defect to put it simply, although really I don't view it as that. I think of it just the same way as I am a perfectionist, that is a flaw in my brain just as lack of empathy is in theirs.

My friend is a psychopath. I took the test for her as she lied on it. Scored very highly, this was with the proper tests done by psychologists (we were studying forensic psychology). She isn't a bad person or a dangerous one, but she doesn't know how to respond really to a person's problem. She is very charming, everyone loves her. Very reckless too she is always up for a challenge and doesn't once think about the consequences of what might happen.

They are not bad people. The very clever ones control most of the companies in Britain. There are plenty of people in jail who would score a zero on a psychopath test. The majority actually.

He is just trying to talk you back in if he is one and trying to gain your confidence back. Up to you if you fall for it, but you can't change his brain, he's stuck with it. No drugs will help that problem.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 27/07/2017 22:16

N/C for this.

Mine was a compulsive liar, I'm not sure about sociopath but it really wouldn't surprise me. He went so far as to deny the existence of his own children, lied about being married to their mother and lied about the reasons he didn't see his children from another relationship.

He lied to everyone, I don't think me or the mothers of his kids ever knew the truth about anything - we were all told whatever version of reality suited him at the time, which meant he then had to lie even more to stop us ever talking and finding out the truth.

He had quite bad anger problems, liked to be in control and during arguments, would either stonewall me or walk out to "calm down". When that upset me, he called me controlling or a whole host of other things to try and justify himself.

God knows why I stayed - mainly because of my pets, I think. But he even got to keep those as I had nowhere to go except my parents', and due to life-threatening allergies, I couldn't bring them with me.

Namila · 27/07/2017 22:56

Dancing within 3 months we went through the cycle of love-bombing/ devaluaing/ discard three times. The hoovering always anticipated the love-bombing phase.

He is now starting to hoover again (in the last week) but this time it is a half-assed hoovering so not too tempting really.

Also, I am done with him. After understanding what he has done to me and the magnitude of his mental and moral issues, there is simply no way I could justify to myself the humiliation of allowing him back into my life.

Ishouldhaveknown · 27/07/2017 22:59

barbaro this is spot on:
"They are reckless, manipulative, charming, sexual deviants, they lack empathy entirely and they are liars."

OP posts:
Trickycat · 27/07/2017 23:29

The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson is an interesting read.

Banananana · 28/07/2017 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Barbaro · 28/07/2017 13:12

Bananana no you have to have all of the traits I said to be a psychopath,and score highly in all. A psychopaths charm is what makes them a psychopath, they will convince you of anything so easily.

Banananana · 28/07/2017 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Codeeee · 28/07/2017 15:41

Yes, although mine was a narcissistic sociopath.

He was charming, manipulative, and a liar right from the start.
I went through the cycle of love bombing, devalue and discard for 10 months.
The hoovering is still continuing to the point I phoned he police last week.
My only advice would be to get out now. You can't fix them and they only get worse.
I've been left a shell of the person I was, and I'm not sure I'll ever get me back.
Seriously do not play their game leave.

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