Feel pretty silly for asking but stumped...

[MollyWantsACracker]

Right then. Next weekend I'm going to (smallish) music festival with my reasonably new partner.

He gave me the heads up that there's a good chance we will run into the wife of a mate of his who is a notorious busybody/nosey-parker who is also blessed with a solid brass neck.
She has form for quizzing people up and down it seems. "where did you meet?" and "how old are you anyway?" are typical questions I might expect from this person.
As it happens, we met on-line, and I'm a good bit older than him.

He's a little worried that I would be offended by this person, and he's not totally wrong.

Can anyone help me (us!!) with some good one-liners to have at the ready to deal with the likes of this person. I don't really want to say we met online, as she'll want to know where etc. I don't want to resort to Mind your Own Business either as it sounds rude.
I'm pretty confident generally, but struggle a bit with people her, being a reasonably polite person myself.

(Bf is dreading the thoughts of her as well)

I can't believe I'm giving this headspace but I am!

Ha ha ha, none of your business

I would be tempted to make up stories and give a different one any time she asks. Eg:
Where did you meet?
"swingers party"
Really?
"no we met on a pirate ship"
Oh come on
"ahh you got us we met at a dragon riding class"

She'll get bored quick and it should give you and dp a giggle rather than you getting upset/annoyed.

Yeah I would make up wild stories too. Or just say "I don't think that's an appropriate question really" and fully refuse to answer any prying

Can't you just say where you physically had your first meeting, e.g 'in a bar'?

S&M party - oh didn't you know he was into it?

After answering a few questions truthfully : "I'm beginning to feel like I'm being interviewed. Can we talk about something else? Which bands have you seen so far..."

Just say somethung really vague bit really intriguing like "I really can't indulge you that information, I'd lose my job."

It saves you from answering and will drive her mad haha.

I'd give very basic answers and change the subjects. If she keeps going on, say, "Christ DP you were right! She is a really nosy Parker!" and laugh

I can just imagine myself tripping over my words or getting red in the face if she kept pushing for an answer...

She sounds awful tbh.

That's a good idea Solasum - less likely to stumble over a partial truth.

Tempted by Swinger's Party option though...

I think asking where you met is a pretty standard question that ask a friend and their new partner tbh.

There's no shame in meeting online. This is how most people seem to meet nowadays. However if you're not comfortable saying this, I'd just say you met in a pub or through someone you both know.

And again, there's no shame in being older than him. I'd just be honest about how old you are. Being evasive just makes people think you've got something to hide.

Answer her question quickly and then ask her a question to direct everything back to her.its probably her way of making conversation and maybe she wants ppl to ask her stuff

"Oh, we're cousins" with a beaming smile should stop her

Tell her, he impressed you during a seagulling incident, when you first met at a notorious dogging hotspot.

Just put on a foreign accent
"Me no speak English".
Job done.

"Through friends...."

"You don't know them"

Some of these are hilarious!!!

I'm liking "me no speak English" segueing into "only joking, we're cousins" {Beammmmm}

Thanks for making me laugh about it :) Tendency to overthink!!

Just say " I'm a fairy and twirl around in circles " 😏

Say "Why do you want to know?" To every single question.

Yes, just say you met in the bar you had your first meeting in.

As for your age, depending on how brave you feel:

'Wow, yes, DP said that you would ask me that, that you are totally obsessed with how old people are! Amazing. But you shouldn't worry about being hung up on ages you know. You actually look really good I think!'

That will really piss her off.

I would second where you physicality met - this is what I told my DS when he asked - in a pub - actually met online 😉

People like that get annoyed when you answer their question but immediately fire one back.

Her: So...how old are you?

You: Thirty, where are you from originally?

Her: Er...Kent. What's that top you're wearing? Is it by X designer?

You: No, it's from Next..have you got kids?

You're just giving them as good as they give and they usually stop.

Agree with Turqoisa, answer her question with a short answer then turn the question on her...'we met at a party, are you married? How long have you been together and where did you meet?' Kinda thing...

Just tell her to 'f**k off'
Sorry I have 0 tolerance for people like this! They only do it as others allow them to get away with it. I know you don't want to be rude but, she obviously doesn't care about it!

I would ask her the same question she asks you, so every time she asks something, immediately ask the same question in return. Hopefully she'll soon get bored, and she won't ask questions she doesn't want you to know about her.

I cant help but some of these are so funny :-)