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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

help help help! I really need to get through the next few hours

62 replies

queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 16:56

Just spoke to my best friend who I'm in love with and he was telling me how great things are going with his new girlfriend (He knows how I feel and I know I need to probably just back away from him but I'm trying to get over him without losing our friendship - anyway thats another thread altogether)

This has hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel sick and dizzy and I want to throw up and cry but I can't. The thing is I have a date with someone I've been chatting to online in an HOUR. I want to go. I want it to go well. I just feel like dying though (I promise I'm not usually this dramatic)

Any words of wisdom that will calm me down and help me go on this date and feel better about myself? I know I need a better long term solution to my problem but I just need a quick fix just now.

OP posts:
tissuesosoft · 09/05/2017 17:00

I think that the fact your best friend knows how you feel but doesn't reciprocate tells you that a date that could end up fun, exciting etc is well worth going on!
Have a shower, make yourself feel fantastic and go out for an evening of, hopefully, flirting and laughter. Your best friend isn't worth you ruining a potentially good evening.

peppatax · 09/05/2017 17:00

Block the friend. If he knows how you feel and is banging on about his great new gf then he's a total toaster.

Brush up and go on the date but don't put too much expectation on it given the fact you're in love with someone else.

Just try and have fun and forget about your friend.

peppatax · 09/05/2017 17:01

*tosser (not toaster!)

Peanutbutterrules · 09/05/2017 17:07

Tissue is right - look your fabulous best and go on the date.

And...he's not your Best Friend - he's a guy you care about and he doesn't reciprocate. Get him out of your life - it's holding you back from finding a proper relationship.

He's either cruel for telling you, or deciding to be 'cruel to be kind'. Either way, you will only have more pain by staying close.

Justmuddlingalong · 09/05/2017 17:12

Don't waste your time and love on someone who would be so heartless as to tell you how well his relationship is going, knowing how you feel. Get your glad rags on and get out there OP!

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 17:26

Oh god, you MNetters are fab. In best friend's defence I asked him, and I've asked him in the past to never hide anything like this from me because I genuinely want to go back to being his best friend with no other feelings attached. He knows that if it's too hard for me we'll have to stop seeing each other and would understand but also be gutted.

I'm walking to the date now. No time to look fabulous as it's a casual post work meet up. However I'm rocking a skinny jean, converse and tight top look.

Any more words of encouragement would be fab. I've got 30 mins to be in a positive frame of mind!

OP posts:
peppatax · 09/05/2017 17:30

placemarking for date update

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2017 17:33

This one might not be the one, but make sure you have a laugh anyway. You need cheering up. Don't mention your friend to this new guy.

As far as your friend's concerned, it's not going to work when you want more and he wants to tell you about his new girlfriends. I think he gets off on that, to be honest.

Go and have a good time and let us know how it went!

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 17:35

Promise I'll update peppa! I've been on several dates in the last few months and they have all been the same- perfectly pleasant guy. Not much of a spark. Not holding out too much hope and a bit of internet stalking has me suspicious that his photos are old!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 09/05/2017 17:41

Many a good tune played on an old fiddle, as they say. Have fun!

help help help! I really need to get through the next few hours
peppatax · 09/05/2017 17:44

Grin Justmuddlingalong

Whatwasthequestion · 09/05/2017 17:51

My DB and DSIL nearly didn't go on their first date because they were both so fed up of internet dating and thinking of calling it a day...a whirlwind romance and 6 years later they are very happily married. Just saying...😉Have fun!

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 17:56

Oh god, I'm nearly there. Wish me luck

OP posts:
Rachie1986 · 09/05/2017 18:01

Good luck! Enjoy!

Whatwasthequestion · 09/05/2017 18:04

Oops they've actually been together 10 years, can't count 😳

heateallthebuns · 09/05/2017 18:14

Enjoy your date!
I'd also seriously consider stopping your friendship with the other guy. It's stopping you meeting someone and causing you unhappiness. He might be great fun but it's not worth it.

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 18:49

Update while he's at the bar- he's nice! Not old photos, not sure if it'll be anything but having a good time.

OP posts:
peppatax · 09/05/2017 18:54

Just enjoy OP Wine
Have a good time and see what happens! X

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2017 19:06

I think if you've met a decent bloke who you half-fancy who makes you laugh, see him again. Don't write him off the first night.

tissuesosoft · 09/05/2017 20:06

Glad you're having a good time!

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 20:36

Oh it was ok but I definitely don't fancy him. Feeling pathetically sorry for myself

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 09/05/2017 21:05

You are not going to fancy anyone while you still have feelings for your best friend.
I think you are going to have to go low contact before you can even begin to move on.
Would do no harm to see this guy again especially if you had a good time and it took your mind off things for a while

BrownEyedLady · 09/05/2017 21:23

How about giving him three tries before drawing a conclusion? (I do this for dates. And Netfix series.)

tissuesosoft · 09/05/2017 21:26

I think you should go on another too. No contact with best friend that day allowed- pamper yourself without him clouding your mind

Littlefrogletx · 09/05/2017 21:46

Haha dates and netflix series, its a good tip!!