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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

help help help! I really need to get through the next few hours

62 replies

queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 16:56

Just spoke to my best friend who I'm in love with and he was telling me how great things are going with his new girlfriend (He knows how I feel and I know I need to probably just back away from him but I'm trying to get over him without losing our friendship - anyway thats another thread altogether)

This has hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel sick and dizzy and I want to throw up and cry but I can't. The thing is I have a date with someone I've been chatting to online in an HOUR. I want to go. I want it to go well. I just feel like dying though (I promise I'm not usually this dramatic)

Any words of wisdom that will calm me down and help me go on this date and feel better about myself? I know I need a better long term solution to my problem but I just need a quick fix just now.

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 09/05/2017 22:04

How did it go op?

Laughing at the toaster!

HildaOg · 09/05/2017 22:42

Your 'best friend' doesn't want you and he probably gets a kick out of you being in love with him. He'll get rid of you when the girlfriend gets pissed off with you hanging around like a lovesick puppy.

Keep making dates. One of them will turn out to be someone you have a spark and shared interests with.

SoleBizzz · 09/05/2017 22:47

Bin the toaster. No contact. Heartless pig.

SeeTheGood20 · 09/05/2017 22:56

You are not going to fancy someone while you still have feelings for your best friend

I agree.
I was crazy about someone when i met DH. Luckily i went no contact with that guy and 8 months later started to have feelings for DH. If we (me and the guy I fell for) remained friends as he suggested then I probably wouldn't be with anyone.

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 23:09

I know all this about the toaster (Grin). Thank you all for being here and taking an interest in my pathetic love life! To be fair I have no idea if this guy even wants to see me again so a second date might not be any kind of an option. He just wasn't very funny and funny is a real must for me!

OP posts:
cosytoaster · 09/05/2017 23:13

Whoa... beginning to regret my username!
Have been in a not too dissimilar situation OP and it's crap. Probably a good idea to try and put a bit of distance between you and the toaster for a bit easier said than done

Sunnywithadashofgin · 09/05/2017 23:16

Def put distance between you and best mate, for your sanity! Also, toaster is my new put down now.

HoldOnHoldOn · 09/05/2017 23:32

Got nothing useful to add but just wanted to say that I am in a very similar situation to you and it's tough. X

Original poster
queenofawkward · 09/05/2017 23:44

Oh holdon it's rubbish isn't it. I should be fast asleep but I'm lying here with my head buzzing and a horrible knot in my stomach.

OP posts:
fantasmasgoria1 · 10/05/2017 06:23

Perhaps he was nervous? My dp was only a little funny on our first few dates and now he is really funny and makes me laugh all the time! If he asks just give it a little longer!

peppatax · 10/05/2017 06:50

Funny is definitely a grower not a shower sometimes.

Original poster
queenofawkward · 10/05/2017 11:54

I don't think he was nervous, I just think we had very different sense of humours. I haven't heard from him but even if I do I think I'll have to say no to another date. Gah. Trying to concentrate on work but all I can think about is toaster.

OP posts:
Peanutbutterrules · 10/05/2017 11:57

Fish = many = sea

Keep fishing!

Cricrichan · 10/05/2017 12:25

Tbf it's really hard for any man to measure up when you're thinking about someone. I also think you need to distance yourself from the toaster and until you're over him and ideally in a relationship with a man you're besotted with (and is besotted with you) .

peppatax · 10/05/2017 15:28

Feeling famous with the adoption of 'toaster' Wink

Original poster
queenofawkward · 10/05/2017 23:20

Love it peppa! Have spent the evening with toaster (I know but I actually feel ok) and have been messaging other online dating men. I have hope that things might turn out ok eventually.

OP posts:
Original poster
queenofawkward · 13/05/2017 20:01

Oh god. So he ended things with the new woman. I went round to his for lunch (as we'd normally do) and we had sex. I know, I know I know. Just need a virtual smack round the head from you MNetters.

OP posts:
Highalert · 13/05/2017 20:06

Blimey that was a quick move.

ohfourfoxache · 13/05/2017 23:20

Oh queen Shock

Jesus please be careful. Please please protect yourself, it could be extremely easy to get hurt here Sad

Kittencatkins123 · 14/05/2017 00:23

Woah.
One minute he's telling you how great it's going with his GF, the next you're having sex.
This isn't great.
Is it definitely over with her? Have you talked about what's happening with you?

Georgeofthejungle · 14/05/2017 00:36

Placemarking for an update and giggling at toaster Smile

HanShootsFirst · 14/05/2017 00:36

On the plus side, now you'll be able to move forward. Either this will turn into a true relationship, yay! or else he will be sown to be a complete toaster Grin and then you can move forward and find someone else, also yay but crappier in short term. Good luck!

HanShootsFirst · 14/05/2017 00:37

*shown

HildaOg · 14/05/2017 00:41

Or maybe she ended it with him and he is using you? I'd be wary of him.

Original poster
queenofawkward · 14/05/2017 08:21

No no, it won't turn into anything between me and him. He knows that I wanted things to work out between us but I've also done a good job at pretending to be over it. As far as we're both concerned it was just a shag (not the first time this has happened in the history of our friendship but the first time since we tried dating). I think he'd love to want a romantic relationship with me but he just doesn't have those feelings.

OP posts: