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Original poster

The Perfect Affair, what do you think?

53 replies

underthehedge · 09/05/2017 10:45

I've been reading this article and wondering what other people think about it? Although this isn't a fail-safe method, if you could have an affair with absolute 100% guarantee you would never get found out or upset your family. Would you?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/23/my-perfect-affair-sex-lover-extramarital-secret

OP posts:
namechange20050 · 09/05/2017 10:50

People on mumsnet don't have affairs. People who have affairs should be burnt at the stake. Wink

ImperialBlether · 09/05/2017 10:54

That's an old article, isn't it? I remember a thread about it at the time.

HildaOg · 09/05/2017 10:56

I think they're both vile having an affair with their friends spouse and pretending to be just friends as a cover.

A secret affair where neither of you have met the others spouse and have no contact with their lives ever, is one thing. This is different, it is the worst form of betrayal and I hope they both get caught.

Original poster
underthehedge · 09/05/2017 10:56

Yes April 2016. But would you? No repercussions, no one finding out.

OP posts:
PaintingByNumbers · 09/05/2017 10:56

again, having just posted on a similar thread, it is just bizarre that people dont think their partners notice a change in the relationship. it isnt about 'getting away with it' ie no proof. I finally got my dh to admit he has spent the last five years fucking around, but i've spent that time driving myself insane and becoming extremely anxious and neglecting myself. not being able to prove something and not knowing something are not the same thing. just be honest, have an open marriage, free them from their vows as well. my dh's behaviour has ruined my health. its v sad.

Original poster
underthehedge · 09/05/2017 10:57

there are so many details in the article that would have been obvious surely, I think she must have been found out by now.

OP posts:
MattBerrysHair · 09/05/2017 11:01

No way, I couldn't live with the guilt plus I'm crap at deception.

user1486956786 · 09/05/2017 11:24

There's one thing having one drunken mistake, then having an affair with the intention of leaving your spouse, then actively cheating with no intention of leaving your spouse (and then the cheek of doing it with someone your spouse knows and speaks to, that to me is the absolute lowest).

No I could never cheat. Treat others how you wish to be treated.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 09/05/2017 11:25

I couldn't be bothered - what's the actual point. All that deception and being duplicitous just for a shag twice a month when, as she admitted, she's got a perfectly good sex life with her husband.
The whole thing sounded vacuous and rather boring and I really didn't like that she 'pretended' to be 'friends' with her lover's wife to keep people off the scent - ugh! What happened to the sisterhood?. Wouldn't work for me at all - I'm too honest.

Neverknowing · 09/05/2017 11:32

I'd honestly be too lazy for an affair. Im so comfortable in my relationship and don't have to worry about being completely shaven everyday etc. To have an affair would stress me out and I'd feel so guilty too! Even if there was no way my partner would find out I'd feel so guilty, I'd feel like shit if he had an affair so I wouldn't do it back!

Huskylover1 · 09/05/2017 11:33

If you are 100% in love with your husband, you don' want to shag a random. So, No.

StripeyZazie · 09/05/2017 11:34

If you're unhappy enough to cheat, you're unhappy enough to leave. I think people who are unfaithful are repulsive, actually physically disgusting. To betray the level of trust, respect and intimacy that spouses have for one another is a sign of pure selfishness. And if those things don't exist anymore due to the actions of the other spouse, as I said, the options are leave or rebuild, not engage in some sordid, grubby lie.

The level of arrogant, deliberate, manipulative duplicity you mention- pretending to be friends with the betrayed spouse- borders on the sociopathic.

MaidenMotherCrone · 09/05/2017 11:35

No never.

Notmyrealname85 · 09/05/2017 11:41

Not once. And if you have DC why would you risk ruining their lives?

TheNaze73 · 09/05/2017 11:58

Can see why people have them but, I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
Thought provoking article

Bonez · 09/05/2017 13:34

No because I respect my partner Smile

plantsitter · 09/05/2017 13:41

I just don't see the point. Her life is built on one huge deception.

Also that article is not convincing me how great it would be. Are the sexiest words in the language 'we had another go' or 'dragged him into the toilet'? I'm having difficulty choosing.

tiba · 09/05/2017 17:06

Wasn't there some research done that said how people in affairs are more likely to have bad heart health due to the stress of keeping it a secret.

Doesn't sound much like fun to me. After 9 years one of them has to have got bored of it by now?

If they are so confident they will never get found out it's also not the rush they get from the risk as they seem to think their actions are risk free

niangua · 09/05/2017 17:32

My partner wouldn't notice if I crawled in with a broken leg, so yeah, yeah I would. Fuck knows I'd love to have SOMEONE so much as look at me again.

JK1773 · 09/05/2017 18:41

Never ever, ever ...

mycavitiesareempty · 09/05/2017 20:02

tiba thd only person I know who couldnt keep it in his pants had a heart attack at 49 ... so you may be on to something there...

terrylene · 09/05/2017 20:28

There have been plenty threads on relationships where DPs are doing similarly and have been found out. The writer is deluded.

mummytime · 09/05/2017 20:36

I was going to say I know of RL cases where the couple has been found out. And it creates such a shitstorm! Much worse than a normal affair, can wreck a whole friendship group.

AnyFucker · 09/05/2017 20:38

"I read one of Stephen's porn mags to get me in the mood...."

Of course.

Offred · 09/05/2017 20:47

Why does people knowing/not knowing about you doing something have any bearing at all on whether it is right/wrong?