The Perfect Affair, what do you think?

[underthehedge]

I've been reading this article and wondering what other people think about it? Although this isn't a fail-safe method, if you could have an affair with absolute 100% guarantee you would never get found out or upset your family. Would you?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/23/my-perfect-affair-sex-lover-extramarital-secret

This reminds me of abusive ex who told me when he was younger he used to wank under his pillow so god wouldn't see him... this thing about it not having happened unless people know about it has been carried through to adult life with him and has made him one nasty pathetic little fucker in a whole load of ways (and has got him arrested).

It's written by a journalist for a lifestyle section of the paper. It's fiction.

No I would never be unfaithful to my husband because not only do I love him but I also like and respect him.

I also have morals and think it is wrong to be unfaithful. All that deceit and lying too. I could never live with the guilt. I can't even lie about how much something cost to my husband

I'm pragmatic about affairs. They happen even with moral, decent people. Some people deserve the happiness they can find, etc. But what put me off affairs in that article is that she makes it sound like a twice monthly chore.

My husband wouldn't notice if I cartwheeled naked in front of him so yes, I have got off with it for years

I think they're both despicable.

No I wouldn't have an affair. Whether or not anyone's going to find out about it is irrelevant - it's not like the only reason I don't go round sleeping with other people is because I'd be worried about the repercussions of my husband finding out. I don't cheat because I have absolutely zero interest in being with anyone other than my husband, I love him and respect him and would never betray him like that.

This is an interesting link.
www.truthaboutdeception.com/community-features/online-quizzes/cheating-spouse-results.html

Just over half of women who had affairs weren't discovered, and more than 60% of men.

It's all very well to say "We see dozens of people a day being caught out on Mumsnet" but people are only posting here BECAUSE they have, or are about to, find out.

I think we've discussed the article on here before. I think its phoney. But even if it was real I think her life, without integrity, is shallow and cold. Wouldn't it be better to strive to be a good and kind person rather than crow about being so empty and pointless?

Simply I just don't want to have sex with anyone else. I just don't. So No.

No absolutely not. I've been cheated on. I've had the person I love with every inch of me betray me and lie without a second thought about my feelings. It's awful to know that i meant so little to someone who means so much to me.

I just couldn't do that. I have no right to inflict that sort of pain on another person.

I wouldn't.
I know people give many different reasons for having affairs but cheating with someone your DP knows well just seems to amplify the betrayal and is pretty low.

I know of someone who has been having an affair for 10+yrs. Both adulterers have no intentions of leaving their DP's. The only reason she ever gives is that she likes the OM but they both enjoy the lives they have, plus she likes her house but would be forced to sell it if she left DH.
Also the OM buys her birthday/Christmas gifts and she will tell her DH they are gifts from her dm/dsis both are aware of the affair.

In the article she says there's no evidence but even if they pay cash surely they would withdraw it from the bank at some point which would show up on statements?

I think she is kidding herself that no-one knows and that she could deny it convincingly. There will be other people at these conferences that know about them, and they will talk about it.

That is ancient

This article is old news and undoubtably fiction.

Even if no one ever found out or even suspected, I wouldn't cheat on my husband. If things were that bad, I might leave him but I would not cheat.

I would and do. Brightens my dull life up. Been going on for 7 years so assume nobody knows...

Most people seem to get caught out by dumb shit like text messages on phones they leave around for their partners to see.

I'll lay out an example for you: I'll play the wife, and let's say the DH thinks I'm boring and unsexual, so how would he ever suspect? He doesn't bat an eyelid at anything I do, wear, say, doesn't ask me where I've been, or who with, or why I'm home late. He literally cannot conceive of an affair because it probably doesn't occur to him that a) I like sex, or men and b) no one would want me. He's never checked my phone, doesn't follow me on Facebook and has literally, genuinely, no interest whatsoever in any aspect of my existence. He appears incapable of suspecting.

I don't see why the article should be considered fake just because the Mumsnet consensus is that all affairs are caught out. No, just the clumsy ones who leave their phones around.

Brightens my dull life up too, it's a lot more common than you think and a lot more easy, no guilty and unlikely to get caught
Fabulously exciting and makes me happy

niangua, honest to god that sounds a depressing existence. an affair surely wouldnt be enough. just get shot of useless husband altogether! he sounds like he long checked out of the relationship.

That's my existence too, and I'm not sorry about what I do, I'm taking happiness where I can rather than split my family up

Tccat that sounds so sad.

Are you very unhappy in day to day life?

Tinker I was, but I'm not now, I have a fabulous om who thinks I'm wonderful , I get all the love and affection I need and as a result am happier at home
It not always such a terrible thing as is made out on here and it's not as easy to up and leave either
In an ideal world I'd leave and be with other man but it's not an ideal world and I'm going to grab happiness where I can
Husband is completely unaware, I know it's not fair to him but it's that or split the family up and I just can't do it
I'm genuinely happy with my situation and it has been a lifesaver for me, literally

tccat, do you honestly not feel guilty? I am not interested in the slightest in having an affair but even if I were I know I could not live with the guilt. I would never be able to sleep at night.

I lied once to my husband about the price of an item of clothing I bought. I felt so guilty that 2 days later I told him that I had lied

No I don't, I used to be so anti cheating you wouldn't believe , but years of living with no love, no affection and no sex despite doing my best to change things have brought me to this point
I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and I've learned not to be so judging , you never know what has brought someone to a particular point in their lives, we make decisions and have to live with the consequences, there's been none for me so far, but if there ever is then it's my own fault and I'm at peace with that

I don't feel guilty with mine. Husband chose to go celibate of a kind years back and I realised I was flogging a dead horse trying to get him interested in sex. He is a decent man and a good dad though and we are great friends who still enjoy each other's company and have a good family life. My lover just meets the other need! I don't want to be with him permanently and he doesn't want to be with me either.