Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FWB - feelings. What to do?

65 replies

Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 18:55

My feelings are getting in the way of our arrangement. He knows something is up, but doesnt know what. I think he thinks I want to end our arrangement.

I feel i need to just tell him but dont know how.
Hes not having a great day as it is and ive told him to just get in touch when hes feeling better. Yet i still want to just blurt it out to him to get it over and done with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:02

Ive just gone for it. Sod it. Hes not replied and i very much doubt he will but...at least i can switch off from it all now

OP posts:
Whatatododo · 02/04/2017 19:11

That's brave! What did you say?

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:14

I just said "im feeling feelings. Thats the problem and that is a problem. Sorry"

Stupid really ha. At least its out there and the ball is in his court. Where it will probably stay.

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 02/04/2017 19:16

Bless you 💐

MissSmiley · 02/04/2017 19:16

Does he normally reply quite quickly?

Arealhumanbeing · 02/04/2017 19:17

Will he definitely know what you mean?

JK1773 · 02/04/2017 19:18

How brave of you. I hope you're ok Flowers

Arealhumanbeing · 02/04/2017 19:18

And WineCake from me.

It can be an awful feeling.

niceupthedance · 02/04/2017 19:18

That does sound like you want to end the arrangement, is that what you meant? Maybe he didn't reply as he thinks he's been 'dumped'.

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:24

Dear god. I didnt mean it to sound like i was ending the arrangement haha. I wanted him to know i was developing feelings.
I did say previously to him that i do not want to end things.

He does normally reply quickly but he did say that he wasnt having a good day.

If the feelings were mutual, id love to carry on as we were. Id rather it end if there was no hope in him developing feelings though as i dont want to set myself up for more hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:26

I cant message him back tonight unless he messages me. Hopefully he does, but i doubt it.

I could always message tomorrow saying something along the lines of "is me having feelings going to ruin things?" What do you think?

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 02/04/2017 19:28

Sorry, but as a man, if I'd received that message OP I'd take it to mean i was dumped or you'd ended the arrangement. I think you worded that incredibly badly.

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:29

Ah shit man. How can i turn it around?

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 02/04/2017 19:30

I'd totally read that as you developed feelings it was an issue and caused a problem so it's over.

No idea how to turn that around though. :-/

Whatatododo · 02/04/2017 19:32

I don't read that as ending things. I think you sound mixed up and it's up to him to at least show he understands, even if he doesn't feel the same.

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:36

Well ive asked if me having feelings is an issue. God im digging myself deeper and deeper. He will tell me to do one before long.

But...had he just spoke about the issues i was clearly having instead of brushing me off. This could have been avoided. Lol hes not to blame really, i know.

If i had of known this would have been the outcome, i never would have went for this. Lesson well and truly learned

OP posts:
Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:42

Right. Im going to stop freaking out. Whats done is done. I dont drink, but i would love a drink right now!

OP posts:
Arealhumanbeing · 02/04/2017 19:46

Try to relax for tonight and maybe call him tomorrow? Be honest, once. And let him answer you.

If he has feelings too that's fabulous and if he doesn't you cut contact and retain your dignity.

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 19:52

Yeah i will do that. He has just read my message asking if me having feelings is an issue. Maybe if he doesnt reply to that i will just leave it. He might need time to think about what ive thrown at him. Especially if hes having a bad day already.

I originally sent it to rid myself of the anxiety and ive made myself worse lol

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 20:02

No you've done the right thing. You had to tell him.

Hope it works out ok x

Thattwatoverthere · 02/04/2017 20:08

You've done the right thing in putting your feelings out there. If he feels the same this is his prompt to tell you, if not and he takes it to be over then that's the right thing to happen.

If it was my FWB however he'd take it as a challenge and a big ego boost. Having tried to break it off with him in the last couple of weeks he's trying harder than bloody ever and it's getting annoying!

Whatever outcome you get from this will be the right one so try not to feel too stressed over it

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 20:25

Thanks. I feel its the right thing. I just think i have went about things all the wrong way ha.
If anything i think i have showed him the complete opposite of what i have been really feeling when ive been trying to fight it.

I was handling it all fine. It was the mixed signals. He wanted to spend the night. He freaked out and didnt in the end. He kept reminding himself there was no strings etc.

As mentioned, whatever the outcome will be the right one. Im not in deep enough to where i will be massively affected. Thankfully.

thattwatoverthere give me some tips to get mine to try harder haha

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 02/04/2017 20:28

I think the fact you're agonising over it, suggests you are "feeling it"
If I was him & it wasn't mutual, I'd end it as it's not fair

Original poster
Nipplesunited · 02/04/2017 20:39

That was what i hoped would happen. Either he would tell me the feeling was mutual, or end it. I did not expect to be left in the lurch like this

OP posts:
OverlyYappy · 02/04/2017 20:49

I detest it when you start to have 'feelings' it's all downhill from now on ime 😂

I hope he messages you back