FWB - feelings. What to do?

[Nipplesunited]

My feelings are getting in the way of our arrangement. He knows something is up, but doesnt know what. I think he thinks I want to end our arrangement.

I feel i need to just tell him but dont know how.
Hes not having a great day as it is and ive told him to just get in touch when hes feeling better. Yet i still want to just blurt it out to him to get it over and done with.

Yep youre right. I dont feel like ive done the wrong thing. I feel relieved now actually

The way you put 'sorry' at the end of your first text seemed to say you were ending it. That's how I'd interpret it.

Unless he's made it 100% clear how he feels, all you could do / have done next was to say 'If you don't have feelings as well, this isn't going to work'.

Otherwise it looks as if you are dumping him and not giving him a chance to say how he feels.

I said next that i will have to take a step back if he wasnt feeling feelings too. Its done and dusted now.

Id rather it end than continue where i would just get hurt. It would be ideal if he decided to change his mind and realise he has feelings too, but if not then hey ho.
I can plod along quite nicely without him.

Im now panicking.
3 days ago my boobs started hurting. 2 days ago i was struck down with a migraine for 2 days. Today i have started spotting and have came down with a heavy cold all of a sudden.

It might be nothing. What if it is something though!?
Why did i ever agree to this fwb thing. I knew deep down i wasnt cut out for it but thought id chance it anyway! Ive been on my own for a few years and kept my legs crossed that whole time. Until he came along.
What am i going to do if i am?

Just to add to that. There was an accident that happened. I got the morning after pill a bit later and was told to follow on with a test ...saturday coming

God i feel so ashamed

Please don't panic, you're probably run down and susceptible to bugs atm, hence the aches and the cold

I really hope you are right. I reallly do. Thank you. I love your name by the way lol

Thank you! Yours made me smile too!

If you're still worried in the morning (and I don't think you've got reason to be for a moment) you could try a first result PT - they are effective from a few days before the expected onset of a period. Might just ease your mind a little

Thank you. I will try and remain calm. Thats the worst thing about it. I dont really have periods so i cant even go off of a cycle. Ive always been hit and miss with periods and i conceived my other children far too easily. Which scares me.

Ive just done one there and it was negative as expected. Ill do another in the morning. Then i will just wait until saturday like the doctor said lol. That would be 3-5 days after spotting so it should show up on a hpt then.

Has he replied? I need to be brave and have a similar conversation with someone (although we are good friends who work together and seem to end up sleeping together whenever we are out) so I admire your bravery as it is a conversation that I am not looking forward to

I really admire your bravery too OP. I was in a very similar situation once and I stupidly kept quiet about my feelings and carried on with the arrangement. It ended very messily and I ended up heart broken which was my own fault entirely so good on you for being honest even though it hurts.

Try not to worry too much about the symptoms, the MAP is fairly effective. Test on saturday and go from there. FWIW when I ovulate and just before I come on I have sore boobs and flu type symptoms.

Yes he replied. Basically saying sorry for not having feelings too. But...it saved me from allowing me to continue knowing i was developing feelings, which would only help them grow. Its put a stop to it before my emotions got the best of me.

He also knows what im expecting if he does come a calling again.

Id say just bite the bullet and tell him. It will save your own hurt. The longer you continue the more your feelings grow.
Its so tempting to keep going in the hopes they will come around to the idea, especially when you enjoy the time spent together. Only they arent always on the same page.

On the plus side of my negative - ive planted the feeling seed. He might be considering the idea for all i know. Doubt it, but its possible ha.

Sorry you got hurt in your fwb arrangement. It sucks, because the closeness kind of puts a false cloud of relationship around and confuses the shit out of you. I will never get myself into a situation like that again. As soon as i sensed my feelings growing i just mentioned it. Its not enough to bother me massively that it has ended, but enough to realise that i would be hurt if it continued just to end.

I think you did the best thing by getting your feelings out there. Very brave. At least you know now, and the hurt will fade.
Hope you're feeling ok.

"He also knows what I'm expecting if he does come calling again"

OP I thought exactly the same as you after getting my feelings out in the open with a man who I thought was getting to know me (holding hands in public, making me dinner, staying over at each other's places) but suspected he really just saw me as a booty call (we only saw each other on his terms and he only replied when it suited him).

When he said he couldn't see us going anywhere I thanked him for his honesty and went total NC.

Three months later he came back messaging full of flattery about how he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about how wonderful I was. I thought I was playing a blinder and acted all aloof, thought I was in control and again made it verbally clear that I wanted a relationship not a booty call...

Second time around lasted three meet ups before it was obvious to me that it was exactly the same and me allowing him back in my life in his eyes gave him permission to ignore my supposed "boundaries".

I ghosted him when he waited two days to text me back at 11:55 at night.

If this guy comes back it won't be any better.