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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tattooed husband

55 replies

user1490779487 · 29/03/2017 10:48

Hi everyone.
Dh and I have been married for 4 years and have a young dd.

When I met him he was very heavily tattooed and he told me he intended to continue, which at the time I didn't think I'd have an issue with.
Over the last 2 years his neck/throat has been completely covered and he's almost finished with his head. As well as having a few small ones on his face. They are all done by top artist and some have won awards at conventions so they do look nice.

The issue I have is that he gets alot of people judging him and it makes me worry for when dd is older. I don't want her to notice how people react to him. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Just for reference dh has a good job and is a very good dad/ husband.

Thanks all

OP posts:

heartbroken40 · 29/03/2017 10:51

I would be concerned too. People judge, I personally could never consider a partner with tattoos. Could you ask him to stop?

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 29/03/2017 10:54

All your dd will see is a df she loves!! I doubt she will listen to criticism for him being the man she loves!!

BeKind89 · 29/03/2017 11:00

Your DD won't know her daddy to be any different than anyone else's daddy.
Kids can be cruel at the best of times, they get judged and teased for all kinds of things, having ginger hair, glasses, a slightly older version of the newest pair of trainers.
She knows he's a good daddy. That's all that matters.

Nancy91 · 29/03/2017 11:04

I think he will be setting a great example to your daughter - showing her that you should be yourself, not care what anyone thinks of your appearance, and that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

Good on him

2014newme · 29/03/2017 11:05

What do you mean he gets people judging him? In what circumstances?

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 29/03/2017 11:07

The only people who judge him will be narrow minded weirdos.

Does your DD love him? He love her?? She'll see her dad, that's all.

The only people who judge others on their appearance are stupid ones and who cares what they think? Their opinions don't matter.

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 29/03/2017 11:13

In fairness to him he did say that he intended to continue, if it was an issue for you, you perhaps should/could have spoken up then.

aginghippy · 29/03/2017 11:19

If other people judge him, they are narrow-minded and intolerant at best. As others have said, your dh is setting a good example by being true to himself.

Your daughter will grow up knowing her father is a good man who loves her. If she sees other people treating him badly because of the way he looks, she will learn that there are intolerant people in the world.

category12 · 29/03/2017 11:30

Bit late to worry about it now. People will judge but that's life.

Original poster

user1490779487 · 29/03/2017 11:31

Thank you all for your kind responses, it helps to put things in to perspective and it's nice to know that not everyone out there is narrow-minded.

Dd absolutely adores her dad and she loves touching his ink, they fascinate her!

Unfortunately there have been quite a few instances where dh's tattoos have put us in awkward situations. People have crossed the road to avoid him, been refused entrance into restaurants etc and had quite a few nasty comments.

OP posts:

magicstar1 · 29/03/2017 12:06

I'm afraid the face ones will be a turn off for a lot of people. I'm a biker, and hang around with so many tattooed people...I love them, but to be honest the facial ones are predominantly on the few troublemakers. I hate to even say it, but it's what I've found. Unfortunately your DH would probably be judged the same.

Original poster

user1490779487 · 29/03/2017 12:44

Magicstar1 unfortunately you are right,the face was definitely a game changer. He probably gets the most reactions when he has short head as it's very in your face even though it's a pretty delicate design.

At times it makes me self conscious, like when we are out as a family and people look at us, I can only imagine what they are thinking about us as parents

OP posts:

2014newme · 29/03/2017 12:50

I think face tattoos are to be avoided really.

Deathraystare · 29/03/2017 12:52

Good on him smile

Absolutely. One size does not fit all. We do not all look cuddly or pretty.

WindwardCircle · 29/03/2017 13:19

For a lot of people facial tattoos are mentally linked with crimal affiliation, and this isn't entirely without reason. In some countries it is only criminals and gang members who wear tattoos on their faces. I suspect the uk is actually a lot more accommodating of facial tattoos than many places because the link to criminality isn't as cut and dried. Even people who don't think facial tattoos equals criminal may internally judge the choice to permanently mark your face in such a way because it implies a lack of forward thought.

I don't think with facial tattoos it's a simple as not judging a book by its cover, because it's a choice to look that way. I don't doubt for an instant that your DH is a lovely man, but he's actively chosen a look for himself which suggests to many he's an antisocial criminal. It's like if a woman chooses to go down the route of the full on barbie doll look then complains that people treat her as an air head. For all anyone knows she may have a PhD and be a certified genius, but society sees her look as an indicator of empty headedness all the same.

Emmageddon · 29/03/2017 13:24

The only thing that matters is that he is a good husband and father. Stuff what anyone else thinks.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 29/03/2017 13:26

I really want to see the tattoos now!

If people are refusing service in restaurants then review them on TripAdvisor, and other social media spaces.

It says more about others behaviour than your DH.

MyheartbelongstoG · 29/03/2017 13:35

My boyfriend has tattoos on both arms and they go down to his hands. If he wore a short they can be seen as cuffs won't cover them.

I couldn't even tell you which tattoo is on each arm as I don't really see them.

He also has one on his neck at the back and is bald.

We regularly get followed around shops especially tescos for some reason.

We just laugh at it.

Your dd will only know he is her dad and won't know any difference.

DXBMermaid · 29/03/2017 13:40

As he already has so many what would be the point kmof asking him to stop?

People who want to will judge him irregardless. Tbh it's 2017 and I feel like tattoo's are fairly mainstream.

It is not my personal choice to have tattoo's but I can see the artistic value in them especially if they are done by proper artists.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 29/03/2017 13:41

People judge for many reasons. Usually they are narrow minded and have little experience of the world.
I don't think you need to worry about them. It's their opinion not the truth.

Emboo19 · 29/03/2017 13:49

My dad is heavily tattooed, none on his face though and only one on his neck, he used to have his hair dyed bright colours when I was young too.

We live in a very middle class area and as well as looking different my parents were much younger than my friends parents.

Honestly, I had times where I struggled with it and would have loved for him to look 'normal'. I wasn't as quick to be invited for tea or parties in reception class, but I'd not been to the nursery school either and my dad did all taking and picking up, where it was mostly mums doing so. It didn't last though and I spent the most part of my school days, being considered popular.

As I grew up I've never been as bothered about fitting in or conforming with regards to my looks or what I wear. I'm happy in my own skin and would say the most confident of my friends in that respect. I think that comes from my parents!

My boyfriend has tattoos not on his face though. I haven't even given it a second thought in regards to dd.
I don't think I'd want him to have any on his face, but only because I think he's got a beautiful face and I like it as it is!!

user1484750550 · 29/03/2017 14:13

I am sorry you feel this way OP, but I understand it. I don't judge people with tats (and think they're all thugs,) but I am not a fan, and think that they look awful on some people. Very few people look great with a multitude of tats, especially women imo.

I don't think people with them are all thick or thuggish; I just don't like them too much. (the tats not the people!) In addition, many people DO judge, and having many tattoos will affect peoples chances in life - socially, in employment, and in relationships.

And to have them on your face is utter madness. Most decent tattoo artists will not do them on the face because it closes too many doors. Your husband is (I am sorry to say,) very foolhardy having tattoos on his face.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 29/03/2017 14:45

I think that your daughter may well find them an issue as a teenager. (Although if it wasn't tatoos it would probably be something else)
It's really hard to find yourself in those years, and unfortunately things which make you stand out as different, be it about yourself, or your family, can become a focus for self hatred / rebellion or even bullying from others also trying to fit in.
I think your partner may have to prepared to go through a few years of 'difficulty' in this relationship because of this, particularly because of the facial tatoos as they are such an overt and unhidable statement.

TheNaze73 · 29/03/2017 14:48

It's all about your preference. You read many threads on here, about hygiene & weight of partners, that can put people of, everyone has there own tipping point & it's not shallow, to be honest

SilverDiary · 29/03/2017 14:53

I know someone with heavy tattoos, and he's a charming chap - not on face or neck though.

I know a man with heavy tattoos on neck, and I think it spoils his looks.

There is a very attractive tattood man on TV - he has a tattoo studio and the programme is about removing them, which he does . Quite a few of the people who come in there are idiots tbh !

I think most men with heavy tattoos look grim. Alot of people with tattoos on their faces have mental health issues and look scary. Your husband might not be in that category, but I still think there is a "keep away" signal somewhere in there, maybe making himself unapproachable.

He sounds like a great person, but would he not consider how this might be affecting you as a family, especially if you are a bit uncomfortable?

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