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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been a bit of a twat wrt a guy I was seeing

67 replies

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 25/02/2017 12:30

I met a guy on OLD. We've been out 3 times - first got talking in December last year.
At the end of our first date I basically just blanked him and walked away.
I text him later that weekend to apologise and he said it was fine and thought no more of it.
Our second and third date went very well.
After a week or so I asked him how he was and he said he'd been unwell. I wished him well and that was that. After that, I messaged him to say that I didn't think this was going anywhere and left it at that. He didn't respond to that message.

I messaged him last night and asked how he's getting on and briefly told him what was going on in my life. He responded asking how things are going and asking how I am.
I would love to see him again and I realise I have behaved like a twat - I did mention that I was sorry about that in the initial text I sent him last night.
Do you think this is a lost cause?

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 25/02/2017 12:33

Yes.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 25/02/2017 12:34

If you had already text to say it wasn't going anywhere what made you text him again?

Original poster
RedHareWithBlondeHair · 25/02/2017 12:41

Wish I was feeling fed up and frustrated that night as it seemed to take him forever to arrange anything. I do really like him and he does come across as a great person so I regret doing so.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/02/2017 12:47

What is going on with you ?

You sound like bloody hard work.

LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning · 25/02/2017 12:49

Tbh, if he gives you another chance after all this, then that alone would be a red flag for me!

Ollycat · 25/02/2017 12:51

I would say yes it's a lost case - you blanked him - he forgave then you dumped him when he was ill!

Maybe next time think carefully before you act!

LesisMiserable · 25/02/2017 12:53

If I was him I wouldn't pay you a second thought.

DementedUnicorn · 25/02/2017 12:55

Someone just did this to my best friend. Messaged after a couple of dates 'let's be friends' and 2 weeks later they changed their mind.

Leave it. It's not nice to mess people about regardless of good intentions.

n0ne · 25/02/2017 12:58

If someone did that to you, would you want to see them again??

PoorYorick · 25/02/2017 13:02

It sounds to me as if you had someone else on your radar, it didn't work out and so you decided to hit him up again. Even if that's not what happened, it would certainly look that way to a lot of people.

If you would like to start things up again then ask him out, but if I were him I'd assume I was your safety net and I wouldn't be inclined to come back.

Cricrichan · 25/02/2017 13:02

Get a grip!

bloodymaria · 25/02/2017 13:04

Yes, leave him be.

KateDaniels2 · 25/02/2017 13:04

So you want to pick him up and then drop him when the mood takes you?

Why would you want to do that to someone?

TheStoic · 25/02/2017 13:06

Why did you walk away from him on the first date?

TheMythOfFingerprints · 25/02/2017 13:08

Oh I think you have op.

We're you hoping that your "let's be friends" message would get him to declare his undying love or something?

TheMythOfFingerprints · 25/02/2017 13:08

Were were were

ChicRock · 25/02/2017 13:11

If it was him posting his side of things we'd be telling him to run for the hills.

Waitingonasmile · 25/02/2017 13:12

I completely remember behaving like that at 18/19. If you are not 18/19 then you should probably leave him alone and you don't sound in a good place for a relationship anyway.

WowserBowser · 25/02/2017 13:13

Sounds like you were playing games with him

Original poster
RedHareWithBlondeHair · 25/02/2017 13:18

Stoic I have no idea why as he'd been very pleasant and cordial throughout the evening. I blame the fact that I was drunk, when I apologised to him over that he said he'd worried he had done or said something untoward - which he had not. We got over that and continued to see each other again.
My fear is that these things take time to evolve and I just ren out of patience with him. He has a very busy life as do I but I really wish I hadn't ended things.

PoorYorick I didn't have anyone else on my radar. Just him and I wished that he'd be more active about seeing me. I didn't expect him to declare his undying love but I wanted him to seem 'involved'. I did actually have another thread at the time under another name in which I asked if this is usual. I thought when people really like each other they just get on with it. I wondered if he in fact, just sort of liked me but not really properly.

I have responded to his message with an apology and to tell him I'm doing okay. I'll see if he takes it from there.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 25/02/2017 13:20

I think this is definitely a lost cause, you can't send a 'let's just be friends' text then change your mind a few weeks later. Leave the poor fella alone, let him find someone a little less flaky, and concentrate on your next date.

skerrywind · 25/02/2017 13:25

Why are you messing him around like this?

If it was this guy in question describing the situation I would tell him to run for the hills.

Herdingcows · 25/02/2017 13:26

Wouldn't go near you with someone else's! Behaving like that.

What's wrong with you?!

Miserylovescompany2 · 25/02/2017 13:26

You are sending him very mixed signals. Personally, I'd leave the bloke alone. It's as if you are picking him up then flinging him to the floor only to pick him up again. Poor bloke must feel like a frigging rag doll!

scottishdiem · 25/02/2017 13:26

You dont seem to know what you want and its unlikely that he is going to move quick enough for you in future. It is unlikely he "really likes" you just yet to be as involved with you as you seem to want. And to be fair, you have given him more than one reason to act really slowly.

You could ask for a reset and go on a "1st date" again and this time act a wee bit more normal?