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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I've been a bit of a twat wrt a guy I was seeing

67 replies

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 25/02/2017 12:30

I met a guy on OLD. We've been out 3 times - first got talking in December last year.
At the end of our first date I basically just blanked him and walked away.
I text him later that weekend to apologise and he said it was fine and thought no more of it.
Our second and third date went very well.
After a week or so I asked him how he was and he said he'd been unwell. I wished him well and that was that. After that, I messaged him to say that I didn't think this was going anywhere and left it at that. He didn't respond to that message.

I messaged him last night and asked how he's getting on and briefly told him what was going on in my life. He responded asking how things are going and asking how I am.
I would love to see him again and I realise I have behaved like a twat - I did mention that I was sorry about that in the initial text I sent him last night.
Do you think this is a lost cause?

OP posts:

PoorYorick · 25/02/2017 17:26

I'm very self-aware

No.

KateDaniels2 · 25/02/2017 17:29

If you are self aware you are enjoying fucking this guy about.

PollytheDolly · 25/02/2017 17:32

Red
You can't ghost and flake on people because you have issues. You need to get yourself sorted first.

What you've done is damage this man's confidence. Twice. That's really cruel.

Anyhow, not having a pop, just saying how it is. Would rather get to what's up with you?

Kikikaakaa · 25/02/2017 17:38

I think you did this to see if he would chase you and he didn't, then he becomes appealing again, you chase him again, then walk away to see if he will fight for you, repeat repeat

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 25/02/2017 17:38

If you're very self aware why are you insisting on fucking with this poor blokes feelings?

WifeyFish · 25/02/2017 17:46

Whilst I agree with the sentiments of PP that you sound like very hard work, I'd suggest asking yourself how you'll behave with this guy if he does give you another chance and still doesn't up the pace to a speed you deem suitable? Will you throw your toys out of the pram again and "act out" or behave like a grown up? That should tell you whether you should keep trying to pursue this guy or leave him be.

Rickandmorty · 25/02/2017 17:49

Your reactions to this man are quite frankly odd. Even just to message him to say you're doing ok. Why would he care. You've seen him 3 times and you've acted quite strangely! I would not contact the poor man again and spend more time considering why you have acted this way before you think about OLD again.

Shockers · 25/02/2017 18:00

Leave the poor sod alone.

LetsStartAtTheVeryBeginning · 25/02/2017 18:05

You are not demonstrating the behaviours of a self aware person.

Acknowledging you have behaved like a twat when there are twat flags flying all around you is not the same as being self aware.

And, whilst she certainly doesn't need anyone to stand up for her, I think you'll find that AnyFucker often gives very sage advice. Not always things that the op wants to hear, but definitely things that need to be said and heard.

Original poster

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 25/02/2017 18:28

PollytheDolly Very true. Not sure where to start with that tbh.

Thanks for all your advice, I've taken it on board but I'm going to leave the thread now.

OP posts:

Desperina · 25/02/2017 21:41

Do him a favour and forget it would you. People like you are why dating can be such bloody hard work.

springydaffs · 25/02/2017 23:31

Op I'm with you on this. I have recently done precisely this 'push-me-pullyo' thing and I despair! it's as if there's a goblin inside me jerking me around..

I think it's definitely possible to be self aware AND behave poorly. Eg you are aware your behaviour has been poor.

It indicates neither of us is ready for a relationship imo.

Dee333 · 26/02/2017 00:13

Completely agree with you Red Hare. The only time I see AF comment on posts is to act superior to us mere mortals that happen to make mistakes in life. When in doubt it's always nice to have someone pop up to clarify you're a twat.

AnyFucker · 26/02/2017 00:26

Maybe you two could start a new thread about what an evil person I am ?

Or a blog. How about that.

Dee333 · 26/02/2017 00:32

No need, you display that in most of your posts, you don't need my help!

HeddaGarbled · 26/02/2017 00:50

Dee33 there's "mistakes in life" and then there's jerking some poor guy around in an utterly disrespectful and nasty way. OP did the latter and deserved calling on it.

WetPaint4 · 26/02/2017 03:09

Just in case OP pops back: As he's responded to you, all may not be lost. He's possibly just being polite but he may be willing to give it another shot. That's up to him. Ask him out, won't hurt. If he says no (and I wouldn't be surprised if he did), then you learn a lesson and let it go. But if he says yes you'll have to be honest with him and yourself and stop messing him about. You should first consider that, as another poster pointed out, you might not be compatible due to your seemingly different approaches to dating.

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