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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn't love me anymore

59 replies

Jasmine13 · 21/01/2017 21:06

So 2 weeks ago my husband of 6 years told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to move out. We have a 4 year old to whom he is an amazing dad and who she absolutely adores. He said he has felt like this for a while but tried to carry on but now just doesn't feel like he can do it anymore. I fully accept that things haven't been 'right' for a while but had no idea things had gotten this bad. I love him with all of my heart and have asked him to give it another go and that I will change but he says he has made up his mind. We have only very recently bought our house so he is still living in the house.

I just wanted to know if anyone has been in this situation and what you did. I am praying he will have a change of heart. We have had some financial difficulties recently and also the stress of moving may have just all caught up with him. He says he hasn't met anybody else and I believe him. I have tried talking to him and he says he doesn't fancy me anymore.

I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
MTWTFSS · 21/01/2017 21:29

Could there be someone else?

BigStripeyBastard · 21/01/2017 21:31

What do you mean 'you will change'? How will you change? Into what?

gamerchick · 21/01/2017 21:33

There will be someone else, it's rare that there isn't. I'm sorry man.

A bit of a cock with timing though Angry

LucyLocketLostIt · 21/01/2017 21:36

Almost certainly someone else. I'm so sorry. You will get through this though. You should think about getting legal advice asap. Find someone to talk to in real life first though who can offer you some emotional support.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2017 21:37

What are you planning to change ?

Don't do the Pick Me Dance you will despise yourself when it comes to light that you have been offering more blow jobs to a guy who has been dipping that wick elsewhere

Original poster
Jasmine13 · 21/01/2017 21:38

I've asked him if there is someone else and he says no. He said it would be easier if there was. I do believe him that there isn't.

I am not blameless in this. I don't work due to not having any family nearby and not being able to afford childcare and this put a massive strain on us financially. I should have tried to do something at home to bring in some extra money. We have been sleeping in separate rooms partly because he snores and also because I have my daughter in with me. In hindsight this was the worst thing we ever did. It was a mutual decision but I should've moved my daughter in her own room a long time ago.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 21/01/2017 21:39

I've very rarely heard of a man leave the family home to go and live on his own, OP. You might need to look a bit closer at this.

LucyLocketLostIt · 21/01/2017 21:40

The thing is, they all lie about it.

gamerchick · 21/01/2017 21:45

He won't admit nothing to you yet in case you kick off. 'It would make it easier if there was'? There's someone else.

You need legal advice so you can put a bit of floor underneath you. You must feel like the rug has been pulled.

It's fuck all to do with you not bringing in money or separate bedrooms.. I have my own bedroom and its sweet. Stop blaming yourself!

Talk on here, get your head in order, try to sleep and tomorrow surround yourself with people who love you. Fight the keeping it a secret feeling. You need support irl.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2017 21:48

He is hardly likely to hold his hands up to fucking around is he ?

Original poster
Jasmine13 · 21/01/2017 21:51

I think I need to do some digging around.

Thank you for your replies. I'm completely lost and haven't spoken to anyone about this yet.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/01/2017 21:54

Why haven't you confided in anyone ? You clearly need some support right now.

Twunk · 21/01/2017 21:56

There is nearly always another woman.

Get angry. Get help. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

Original poster
Jasmine13 · 21/01/2017 21:56

I don't know. Embarrassment or I guess saying it out loud makes it 'real'.

OP posts:
Christmasmice · 21/01/2017 22:00

You really need to prepare yourself. It is almost impossible he will have left without there being someone else
She might not surface for a few months but just try to get your head around the fact that she probably exists.
I'm so sorry. What a shit. Lots of women don't work and the couple face a financial strain. You didn't need to try harder.

LucyLocketLostIt · 21/01/2017 22:01

You need to get him out of the house so you can think straight. He said he wants to leave so let him go. The sooner he leaves, the better.

LucyLocketLostIt · 21/01/2017 22:05

You have nothing to be embarrassed about by the way. Please don't feel like that. It's all on him.

Paleninteresting · 21/01/2017 22:10

Having my daughter co-sleeping with me was the start of the end of my marriage.

I would not change a thing. I would change somethings but I would never turn the clock back on that precious time with my baby (in my bed until age 5).

I do not want to derail this thread but wanted to show support for your decision for your child.

He is an adult and what has led to this will come out down the line.

MrsMcMoo · 21/01/2017 22:11

Flowers this is not your fault and you don't need to change. On a practical level, can you get back to work, so you don't feel so disempowered?

SomeonesRealName · 21/01/2017 22:11

I agree he's almost certainly got someone else, OP. They do all lie about it and they even use the same stupid lines. A lot of them, despite previously having been loving decent husbands, then financially shaft their devastated wives and children and while I really hope yours isn't one of those types, I would really recommend you take some legal advice asap to find our where you stand and how best to protect yourself just in case -because it sounds like he's been detaching for a while and he's probably in a better head space.

HyacinthsBucket · 21/01/2017 22:12

People live for years even decades feeling not totally happy - only meeting someone else gives them the motivation to do something about it, I hate to say. He's met someone, is trying his utmost to not come out of this looking like the bad guy, and you need to accept that now he's said this out loud, it's over for him. Concentrate on coping with your daughter and you - put what he wants and needs out of your head - and talk to your family/friends. You're going to need a lot of support, don't keep his secret for him whatever you do - I'm so sorry you're in this situation Flowers

londonrach · 21/01/2017 22:13

Op look after yourself but do agree with others someone must be behind his recent decision. Sorry x

PickledCauliflower · 21/01/2017 22:14

Prepare yourself that there may be someone else. As previously said, many don't leave without having someone to go to.
Take care of yourself and your daughter - put yourselves first. Don't be afraid to confide in a close friend or relative, it will help if you can speak to someone dear to you.

seafoodeatit · 21/01/2017 22:14

I'm so sorry you're going through this, you really need support and loving people around you, don't be ashamed or embarrassed you've done nothing wrong.

Underthemoonlight · 21/01/2017 22:15

My ex did this swore there was no one else. We broke up on the 29th July day after our anniversary and the middle of August there was already posts off his ex on FB before the end of the month they were an item. It was clear for all to see he left me for someone else. It's rare a man leaves a family with no where to go.

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