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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Phone records

64 replies

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 17:52

Realised two weeks ago that my phone records were with h as he pays for it. He knows all my passwords so no problem. Anyway I asked him for his as I feel we needed to be transparent after he had an affair 5 years ago. Wasn't going to look but realised things weren't as upfront as I thought. So for two weeks he kept saying he had sent me them on a spreadsheet Nope I said the kept forgetting. After a while reminded him. He insisted. But no.
So last night I said look they are really not there what is it? He mumbled something. Not correct. So he sent me another password and again not correct so he has lied to my face.
He has caused an argument and run off somewhere. He text me it was my fault as I had apparently asked in the wrong way. What is going on?

OP posts:

whyohwhy000 · 17/01/2017 17:56

He knows all my passwords so no problem.

Do you know his passwords?

tribpot · 17/01/2017 17:59

He's not a very skilful liar, is he? Does he really think you are likely to fall for the accusation that (after two weeks) it is your fault for 'not asking in the right way'?

Did he agree to full transparency when you took him back after the affair?

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 18:00

No I don't. That's why I asked him. I wasn't trying to catch him out just asking as he had mine and I don't mind at all. Nothing to hide.

OP posts:

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 18:03

Yes he did agree but was very reluctant. I did know them then but they have been changed. Mine are the same. He also accused me of cheating the other night even though he knew I wasn't just to? Don't know why.

OP posts:

CanarySong · 17/01/2017 18:03

What is going on?

You really need to ask?

What is going on is that he clearly doesn't want you to have access to his phone records.

As he has form for cheating it doesn't take Sherlock to work out why he doesn't want you to have access to his phone records.

Tbh if you both need to check each other's phone records then this relationship is dead in the water. It just needs one of you to have the balls to admit it.

LTBforGin · 17/01/2017 18:05

He's ran off with his phone when you asked him for his password?

Oh and it's your fault he's ran off.

Liar!

LTBforGin · 17/01/2017 18:07

The hypocrite in me would say he's mopping up quickly in which ever corner he has skulked to.

You can ask him for his password again if you like for clarification one way or another.

If he refuses then he would be left for gin I'm afraid

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 18:08

Things were going well and we had a lovely xmas. Its all gone haywire after I asked for the password. I agree you should have some privacy but we agreed after the affair. I haven't looked for 5 years.

OP posts:

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 18:09

No not phone password. Phone records. We agreed to put all our stuff on a spreadsheet.

OP posts:

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 18:12

He has my records as he pays for it. Long story about taking over ds account. I earn a good salary so that seems ridiculous.

OP posts:

tribpot · 17/01/2017 18:13

He also accused me of cheating the other night even though he knew I wasn't
Classic deflection.

I think his initial reluctance speaks volumes. He wasn't really very sorry, was he?

LTBforGin · 17/01/2017 18:14

Ok sorry-not password (but you tried the password you know and he kept giving you wrong passwords?)

But he's ran off when asked directly face to face for the info.

He's mopping up right now I would think

ImperialBlether · 17/01/2017 18:16

God, you couldn't bloody well make it up, could you? Who on earth does he think he's kidding?

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 18:17

No think he blamed me as he is now. Prick. How can you not give somebody peace of mind because he thinks I asked in the wrong way.

OP posts:

LTBforGin · 17/01/2017 18:18

Because he's lying and has something to hide

nigelforgotthepassword · 17/01/2017 18:23

He is hiding something. And not even very skilfully.And then trying to make you the bad person so you stop asking. I would carry on asking until you get the truth.sorry op

youcantgoback · 17/01/2017 18:25

Because he has to be in control. There wouldn't be a right way to ask.

LTBforGin · 17/01/2017 19:17

Have you heard from him op?

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 20:16

Hi yes he came back with fish and chips for himself. Christ. Changed the password and I had access. Not sure what to think. Cant bloody download abdobe reader. But do I really want to look? Maybe he just likes making me insecure what a tosser,

OP posts:

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 20:18

Anyway by then I was livid and said I wanted a divorce. Think I need to calm down.

OP posts:

tribpot · 17/01/2017 20:20

My guess is that he's been using Whatsapp to contact 'someone' and didn't realise it wouldn't show up on his phone bill. Hence manufacturing a strop so he had time to check it.

Mind you, you haven't got access if it's a PDF you can't open? (Surely there is no device that can't read a PDF?) I thought it went into a spreadsheet.

1DAD2KIDS · 17/01/2017 20:46

He needs to work on his lies and emotional abuse/control. He is not a patch on my ex wife, she could show him a thing or too. If he had her skill you would think it's all in your head and made to feel like cunt of the century for not trusting her.

Believe me his lack of skill is a blessing of sorts.

Haribogirl · 17/01/2017 21:25

He ran out because he wanted to check it first!

Defo hiding something, else why kick off cause arguement.
As send if he as been using whatsap, won't so up

Does he take his phone with him when he goes out the room?

HerOtherHalf · 17/01/2017 21:34

For me it's academic. If there is so little trust in a relationship that you need your partner to prove their fidelity that's not a relationship worth having. He had an affair, you decided to give it another go. 5 years on there is still no trust. Cut your losses, because you're still not going to trust him in another 5, 10 or 20 years. It doesnt even matter if your lack of trust proves to be correct or not, you'll never be happy regardless.

Original poster

herwegoagain123 · 17/01/2017 22:42

Of course its academic from an observers point of view. Well I shall get a reader and have a look. Its not that really its the abusive way he handles any request if he deigns it has not been said in the right way that boiling my blood!

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