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Original poster

Interfaith relationship - any experience to share?

75 replies

Pannnn · 09/01/2017 13:40

In this case male (me) Catholic in a relationship with a Muslim woman. It is fairly early days and we talk A LOT about what is important to us. I know about the options of Muslim men and women being different re marriage, and what Islamic writings indicate. I'm also reading more about how these strictures are in fact much more 'moveable' in RL.

I'd be really interested in knowing of anyone's experiences and how things actually worked out for them.
thanks in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 13:42

We don't expect each other to be the sole source of 'education' for each other so take responsibility for finding things out for ourselves. iyswim
And this is part of that.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 09/01/2017 13:44

Do you plan to have children together? I think that would be the biggest test.

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 13:48

No IB - we have talked about that and it can't happen in any event. But thank you - that would have been the biggest question.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 09/01/2017 15:47

Nothing to offer other than best wishes. I hope it all works out for you both

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 15:57

Thank you TheNaze. It won't be easy and we both know that.

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 09/01/2017 16:02

I am a Catholic (not a very good one) and DH is Jewish. My advice is to talk talk talk.

We spent a lot of our early days talking about kids, baptism, circumcision etc and worked out where we stood. We also met with a Priest and a Rabbi before getting married.

We also talked about what will happen when one of us dies and what kind of funeral / burial we will have. Not the obvious conversation to have but family pressures and expectations can be very strong and being clear what you want and where you stand is very helpful.

user1471519641 · 09/01/2017 16:03

Is she a muslim practising.normally a muslim woman are not allowed to marry other faiths.

unicornpoopoop · 09/01/2017 16:05

there's a lot of cross over between the religion itself - eg what they believe

But the main differences are cultural... And usually they are big differences.

Does her family know about you? I know alot of people that started off in the same interfaith relationship as you and it always either ended or ended in a conversion

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:09

Thank you GG. We are doing that. Talk talk talk talk and then a bit more talk. And yet we both know there is still so much left to talk about.
We are on the same word of the same line on the same page on the same book. We are clear, thank you.

It's obv everyone else around us - mainly her family who know nothing yet but will do soonish.
Hence asking "what has actually happened in these cirs?"

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 09/01/2017 16:09

Our biggest hurdles were definitely more cultural / family pressures than anything to do with the rules!

Our families now are much more accepting knowledgeable and understanding about other religions but it was not a quick or easy journey.

It's almost easier if one of you has no religion and is happy to convert.

Someone did say to me early on if you are secretly hoping your partner will eventually convert it won't work.

antimatter · 09/01/2017 16:11

Important question - would she introduce you to her family and how.
I guess the same goes on your side.

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:13

Ended or conversion, you say. Oh dear. We will neither like either of those.
thank you.

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 09/01/2017 16:14

In our case we had to show that despite the resistance we were not going to split up. It was very hard but we were clear that we could live our lives without the blessing of family or the religious community. As it turns out in the long run no family bridges are burned but I know it isn't always that way.

There's a strong religious disapproval from some quarters but we live with that easy enough.

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:16

I would be extremely proud to introduce her to my family and they would adore her. Largely. One or two sour pusses may sniff but that isn't too much.

No we haven't spoke of the issue of conversion but I KNOW she would hate it.
Things are going to develop in the coming weeks and months and she will meet my people first, which isn't the real problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:20

GG - sounds a bit like where we are and will be in time to come. I am fearing her ostracisation from her community. I know we need to talk about that danger too. All experiences gratefully received.

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 09/01/2017 16:25

Yes DH did have some of that. We did not live near family when we decided to get married so that helped.

It was very hard for DH but in the end if his family had made him choose me or them he would have chosen me. They saw that eventually and could not lose him.

Despite those dark days we all now get on and are raising informed, tolerant accepting children who have loving GPS on both sides.

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:29

Good for you and well done! I can only imagine the experience of it.

There won't be any children, so perhaps the strictures will be more 'relaxed' than if there were to be children and the need to 'protect' the religion's future.
She is, utterly loveable, firm headed and steely. She is choosing me and I don't want to lose her.

OP posts:
GatherlyGal · 09/01/2017 16:31

I wish you the very best. We've been together 20 years now and it was without doubt worth the effort!

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:32

Thank you GG.

OP posts:
Pollypollypolly · 09/01/2017 16:38

Will you marry?

That is a big question. The marriage wouldn't be valid well not islamically and would be sinful. Is that something that bothers her?

To be honest she can't be that faithful if she is in a relationship with a non Muslim man so maybe there aren't any issues at all.

I can't see her family being impressed unless they don't really practice either.

I think it is very difficult to make it work unless she is not bothered about her faith. It wouldn't be a choice for a faithful practising Muslim

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 16:42

Well Polly I am aware of the Islamic legality. As I'd said in the OP.

And I'd ask you to not express your view on her 'faithfulness' to her faith.
If there were not any issues, I wouldn't be posting.

OP posts:
Olddear · 09/01/2017 17:03

If you marry her you will have to convert to Islam. a Muslim woman cannot marry a Christian man unless he converts.

Original poster
Pannnn · 09/01/2017 17:06

Thank you but I already know this as per the OP.

My posting is about where a relationship arises cross-faith. What has actually happened rather than what the scriptures say.

OP posts:
Pollypollypolly · 09/01/2017 17:13

What has actually happened rather than what the scriptures say

If she doesn't have much faith then she can live as she pleases.

And I'd ask you to not express your view on her 'faithfulness' to her faith

It's crucial to everything

CoteDAzur · 09/01/2017 17:14

If she is a practicing Muslim:

  • She can't marry you (unless you convert to Islam and yes, that means circumcision)
  • She can't be in a (sexual) relationship with you or anyone else unless she is married

If she is not a practicing Muslim:

  • There is no problem. Enjoy.