Interfaith relationship - any experience to share?

[Pannnn]

In this case male (me) Catholic in a relationship with a Muslim woman. It is fairly early days and we talk A LOT about what is important to us. I know about the options of Muslim men and women being different re marriage, and what Islamic writings indicate. I'm also reading more about how these strictures are in fact much more 'moveable' in RL.

I'd be really interested in knowing of anyone's experiences and how things actually worked out for them.
thanks in advance.

Eurgh bold fail - first half is quoting the op

Not necessarily polly. She obviously isnt a literalist in her interpretations or practise but she may be a more liberal muslim in her interpretation. Or she may be like a lot of muslims trying her best but sometimes struggling to implement all the different aspects of the faith. Islam is not a monolithic religion. All religious or observant muslims do not look or behave identically.

thank you needa. Esp comments on bros not taking too much notice of sisters. I think this is why she says I'd need to meet sisters first. And I thought of parents being passed away would be a factor too.
Her ethnicity is pretty complicated and involves three continents! Anyone googling this topic and read this would be able to immediately identify her so I'm remaining vague. It isn't anything Turk like, I don't think.

I'm posting as she is that special and I don't want to lose her, but need to be prepared for 'opposition'. Thanks v much.

yes needa - there are things she says and does that make it v clear she is unhappy from a female point of view of some of the aspects of her faith. Yet practices it as a way of life. She is 'conflicted' and yes practice can be inconsistent and 'nuanced' and people still self-identify as following a faith.

It is unlikely you will not face some type of opposition. It is still quite unusual to see these types of relationships in the muslim community. How does she think her brothers will react? If she is scared of them be cautious.

Does she live near her family or independently? Does she have a lot of extended family living in the uk? If she has less family about then you will face less pressure. Less people around to have an opinion if that makes sense. Even if one of the brothers does not agree if you can get one of the others on side (aim for the eldest) that will make life a bit easier.

needa - this is exactly the sort of thing I was hoping for. Thank you.

No not 'scared' of brothers at all. Lives independently, professional, not a lot of extended family left in the UK. IF it comes to it I will aim for the older brother, thank you.

This has been really helpful, thank you.

It sounds like you might get a positive outcome pannnn but be prepared for anything. If there is anyone significant in her family who is a religious conservative they will never except it and they will think it is their religious duty to try to get others not to as well. The best you can hope for in that case is that person ostracises you so at least they will leave you to get on with your life.

*accept - duh!

Yes. I'm very grateful for your points. All appreciated.

A practicing Muslim does not need to be married to a circumcised man, it's actually forbidden to circumcise a grown man who converts to Islam.

No words of wisdom about how to manage a cross faith relationship. Depends entirely on how accepting her family are and whether she's happy to leave them behind if they refuse to accept the relationship.

Hi Pannn. I can only apologise that you are getting goady responses from a couple on here with a clear agenda. You'd be amazed the number of places this sort manage to shoehorn themselves into on MN and elsewhere.

The real life lived experience of being from a religious background, as you as a modern Catholic know, modern Jews know (who don't follow the Torah to the letter, and haven't declared themselves necessarily under the wing of Reformism or not) and millions of modern Muslims know (though you don't here any of their voices anywhere in the press - woe betide those millions of Muslims who enjoy the same lacksadaisical bonds to religion as do many people of the above religions who'd visit church or temple or gurdwara or synagogue on religious holidays, gain comfort from some aspects of religion and drop the aspects that don't! - heaven (no pun intended) forfend Muslims are allowed, in the stereotypes modern culture applies to them via the media, to join this group of secular lacksadaisicals.) Your real trouble will be those who believe everything they read in the Mail and Express about how it's all or nothing - some of the 'flexible thinkers' on here giving you a glimpse into how the kind of attitudes you'll encounter - I'm sure you know from your experience of what Catholicism means to you, and I'm sure you can see the embodiment of this type of Islam in your partner - that things have evolved somewhat.
There are Imams - high-falutin' Professors - who happily conduct marriage ceremonies for non Muslim men and Muslim women. If you want to dig into scripture, Islam recognises Jesus as a prophet.
What I've found in life is that, well, people are people - all the things that draw you together and keep you together, all the many facets of your personalities and tastes and interests and values, the latter of which may have been influenced but not defined by lightweight religious upbringing - these are most important in making a life together. After a year of marriage I think you'll look back on the worry you had about this and laugh, and get on with celebrating Easter and Eid, and enjoying the huge cultural palette you now share. I think your families will too. That's just my lived, personal experience.
I'm sure the right wing press regurgitators will be along to put me right though

Cormorantfan that is the post I was expecting and was waiting for.

I think we all can understand that if someone takes whatever religion to the letter they wouldn't even be in the situation the op describes.

Best wishes op to you both.

I have zero experience in the matter but know enough catholics to know there are various way have a faith.
I have also friends in mixed faith couples. I don't know the inns and outs so would not attempt any advice.

Hi OP, I'm Muslim and my husband is not (he is agnostic, was brought up CofE but doesn't identify as a member of any religion). Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about it. We are both 23 and been together since we were 18, got married a couple of years ago. We don't have children yet though. There were bumps but the bumps have always been more to do with the negative input of people around us rather than disagreements between ourselves. And I appreciate our situation is different as you both belong to different religions; I guess it's easier for us as DH is not part of a religion so is quite happy for us to bring up our future children identifying as Muslim and was quite happy for us to have an Islamic marriage ceremony etc because there isn't another variation of these things that are as important to him as to me. So for you two I guess there would be more compromises that would need to be had. I think talking honestly and openly about everything right from the start is the way forward though. It's amazing how many couples end up together for ages and don't even talk about such important things until it comes up only to find they have very different view points.

Hi all, I would really appreciate your offer MeadowHay.

Well I didn't see the posts as goady, just down to a bit of ignorance and not reading the full thread.

yes cormorant and pippi - in her I trust and know she will act and react according to her faith and circumstances. Choosing me wasn't her easy option so I did get a bit annoyed when posters were questioning her.

many thanks again.

There was a thread started a while ago from Muslim women on Mumsnet. Perhaps you can get some more information from them by doing a search under Muslim women?

Hi I married a Muslim man I was Sikh before and I changed my religion which was my choice he didn't ask me to just said what ever I deemed to be right and go with that.
My parents and family haven't spoken to me for almost 15yrs. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. Hasn't been easy at all but he's supported me through everything and his mum, brothers and sisters all accepted me straightaway and have been very supportive (his parents are divorced). It was an extremely difficult decision to make as I knew my parents may never come round but I couldn't see myself with anyone else.
There's always going to be cultural differences but we both focus on each other and our beautiful children instead.

That sounds very tough. Am hoping nothing like that happens. That will be hard.

I'm Muslim and married a Christian/atheist . Dad said no straight away! I did to speak to him for 6 months, eventually it all came round now we have 3 lovely dd! It can be hard but then I never did like any of my relatives all backward thinking and weird and they were horrified, in the end I made my parents choose and they chose me to be happy. My dad said 'you can never be my enemy' which I thought was lovely. We weren't over religious when we were growing up- it was more cultural. The girls are muslims, no pork. However we still celebrate Christmas and go to a church service once a year or christingle- because I love it! you have to be strong and stick to your guns, good luck

*didnt speak to dad

Also forgot to say the girls love celebrating Eid and Easter equally!

I'm a very happy mum! it also paved the way for my younger siblings to challenge the cultural/religious way of thinking.

Hi. My sil is a believing Muslim of Pakistani heritage. Her parents - particularly her mother - are very observant (Islamic school every night when she was little) disapproved and would not come to her wedding to my agnostic bil. (although he 'converted' to Islam - still drinks but abstains from pork.) They came round totally, when they had their first child though and the kids (circumcised, Muslim) are frequent visitors to their grandparents. It can work out. Hope all goes well for you. God bless.

My DP is from an active Christian family and I am a Humanist. I dont think that my DPs mother is my greatest fan and sees my humanism as the reason for us not having kids (its both our decision and nothing to do with faith and everything to do with long mornings and beds and spontaneous trips to see things). At the time DP worked in a church and the minister all but interviewed me about my beliefs but I found that fun (asked him why God hates amputees). Anyway, my side of the family love DP to bits but on her side her family is tolerant but she has stopped going to the church she used to go to and gets all her preaching online via podcasts. It was because she was constantly being asked about me and when I would come to church etc. This was an element of self-ostracising that I didnt seek or promote but DP is happier. You need to be aware that it might not be the obvious people who are vexed at the relationship and that the pressure would come from elsewhere.

We did talk about kids at one point and DP wanted them to go to church whereas I would have promoted humanism and critical thinking to them. I think that you will need to have a lot of answers ready for yourselves and your families when it comes to introductions. Whilst kids may be far off, someone will ask.

It really is a mixed bag isn't it? Depends on individuals reactions, the presence of large family, parents and the likelihood of children coming along.

This is reflected in the numbers of peoples of particualr faiths having relationships and marriages outside of their original faith/community. eg something like 40% of catholics marry a non-Catholic. Mormons are the least likely to marry outside.

I think most parents come around tbh even if they are shocked/upset at first. My dad never cut contact with me or anything, but took it worst out of everyone and it did take him many months to completely get over it, but he was always very kind and loving to my husband right from the start and made it clear his issue was not with HIM per se. And with time he got over it and now it's never mentioned, it has become normal for everyone I guess.

I am Catholic and just ended a 4 year relationship with a Sikh man.

I wasn't allowed to meet his parents. In the end various issues and the cultural issues came up time and time again.

A bit not good.

Polar that's really unfortunate and I'm sorry to read this happened.

All of the advice seems to be to get as much as is possible clear and in the open so we don't start visiting problems later on. Meeting family will def be on the list and anything that we can plan for, or know will arise.