Can he refuse to buy me out of the mortgage?

[Whathappensnowthen]

We are separating. It's going to be a long process as there's lots to untangle, almost everything is in joint names, including the mortgage. I understand that neither one of us can force the other to leave the property, fair enough. I am more than happy to buy him out (finances permitting - I have an appointment coming up with a mortgage advisor to check this).

However, yesterday my husband told me that, as I was the one insisting on a separation it should be me that leaves. I don't feel any particular ties to the house, so in that sense I'm not fussed, but he doesn't want to buy me out. He just wants me to go. We have no savings, so there's no way I can go anywhere else without some kind of deposit. We have 4 young children and as a result no family or friends have room to put us up, even for a short while. Can he refuse to buy me out?

My understanding is that either one of you is entitled to insist on the sale of the property.
At that point it would make more sense for him to allow you to buy him out, but I don't know what happens if he insists on making you force the issue despite being offered a solution.
Do you have a lawyer?

I can't afford any type of legal help, well neither of us can actually. I didn't think a sale could be enforced if one of the mortgage holders was happy to stay plus keep up repayments?

Buy you out? when you have 4 young children? If it went to court there'd be a good chance the main carer would able to stay in the house with the kids until they finish school.
Get yourself to a solicitors quickly, don't agree anything until you have had proper legal advice.

Are you the main care er of your kids? When you divorce the main career with probably be awarded the house.

And you can't afford not to get legal help. Use a credit card, borrow from family, try Citizens Advice, but you stand to lose a lot more than the cost of a few hours legal advice.

We literally do not have two pennies to rub together. No family or friends to help, no credit cards and two overdrafts maxed out. CAB doesn't cover our area (didn't even realise they had 'areas' but as soon as I give them my postcode they won't help). Not thinking about divorce yet, just need to separate as the atmosphere at home is becoming unbearable.

If you are talking about buying him out and he is talking about you leaving the property with 4 children then you are talking about divorcing really are you not? If you were separating I would expect him to move into rented for a year or two.

If you can afford to buy him out arbitrate and then get a Consent Order on that basis. There may even be a Mesher Order allowing you to stay until kids leave home. Even then the obvious default is the first option.

As it's early days on separation take whatever he says as a reaction to separating rather than fact.

I made a mistake (in hindsight) of reacting to stbxh statements as his unchanging opinion when over time he has altered his view as advised by solicitors. I suspect his insistence you move out is just a reaction to the separation and he's feeling pain so wants you to suffer anxiety as well.

Get your own information - mortgage advisors and see a solicitor even for 30 mins free.

Separations doesn't often happy straight away, especially if there isn't the funds readily available to rent an additional place. As each of you adjust to the reality emotions catch up and then practical solutions come into view.

There will be a solution you can both make work but it might not be obvious straight away.

Do not leave the house. If you are the primary carer for the 4 children chances are you would be able to stay in the family home and he would have to leave.

Ring around local solicitors as some do offer a free 30 mins session.
Wrote down the main questions you want to ask as the time will go quickly.

I think your h is angry at the moment ( understandably) and hopefully an amicable solution can be found.
I don't think you can force him to leave if his name is on the deeds.

That's just it Boo, I'm more than happy for him to stay in the house. I just need him to buy me out so that I have some capital to rent and/or pay a deposit. I have already rung around all our local solicitors but none deal with marital issues, the nearest one is about 20 miles away. As I deal with all childcare (4 different school runs each way per day) plus work almost full time, it's going to be difficult to sort out anything legal right now. I'm sure I will need to at some point, but right now I just need to get something/anything sorted so that we aren't under the same roof.

Would it help if you reminded your STBXH that your children are not insisting on the separation, so they should not have to leave their home yet?

It is a horrible time for you all, and there is clearly a long way to go, but it sounds as if it is not going to be simple. Your best bet is to try to access legal aid somehow. If you have no credit cards, can you start applying now, quickly?

Keep reminding your STBXH that awful as this is, you owe it to your children to try to manage this as adults? You cannot just go and take 4 children with you with no money. So you need to find another way forward. If he insists on staying in the house, can you create a spare room for him, separate out a cupboard for his food, find a separate washing basket for his washing and separate tv so that you both have somewhere to retreat to/stay out of each others way?

OP are you thinking about what you are asking? If you don't have the money to see a solicitor how is he supposed to buy you out right now? If he doesn't want to buy you out you can't force the issue unless you pursue the divorce route.

Do not move out! That's my only advice I'm afraid.

Can't stress this enough - don't leave the family home. If you are the main carer for four kids, finding somewhere else to live shouldn't be your priority right now. If he has no money he can't buy you out and it sounds like he is resisting this idea anyway.

From my preliminary enquiries, it seems we could essentially end our existing joint mortgage and then one of us take in a new, bigger mortgage in a sole name. The bigger mortgage obviously has to be affordable for the one remaining in the property, but it would allow for a lump sum to be released for the one leaving. At least, that's how it's been explained to me.

OP if you can't afford legal advice hoe can you afford to buy him out?

Your posts are confusing - I expect you didn't mean that you would buy him out in your opening post, although that is how I read it. Personally, I think you should be looking at a Mesher Order allowing him time to get and pay for his own place. But legal advice is needed.

User, we would simply go to our mortgage advisor and rearrange the mortgage as described above. We may incur some fees for ending our fixed rate deal early, but other than that it seems fairly straightforward. Am I missing something then?

If neither of you have any money whatsoever then you can't buy each other out.

Everyones case is different so you need legal advice based on your situation.

In my case the court ordered my home to be sold. I wasn't allowed to keep it even though I had young children.

You will need to get him taken off the deeds also if you are buying him out?

Is there any equity in your home?

OP if you don't have any money how will you cover the extra mortgage?

If you can cover it from earnings then you can afford a solicitor. If you can sort it without one, great, but if he is telling you to leave with four children he's not sounding reasonable.

Yes free, there's lots of equity. Seems silly to force a sale when we're both happy to stay put. I really don't care either way. But if remortgaging releases some equity to enable one of us to buy the other out, then is that not a good thing?

It's not us you have to convince. It's him. And he says no way, therefore the next step is divorce.