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Original poster

DH thinks I've given consent to be with new girlfriend

34 replies

Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:22

AIBU to be to with DHs perception that because I've agreed to Divorce he thinks this is my consent for his new relationship with woman he's been having an affair with? He's been so selfish even bringing gf to our local pub on NYE and they plan to move in together soon.
I found out in August while on holiday

OP posts:
hesterton · 04/01/2017 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whosthemummynow · 04/01/2017 23:23

I don't mean to sound harsh.
But he doesn't need your consent.

He's a heartless prick, but it's literally nothing to do with you now

Notsleepingeveragain · 04/01/2017 23:23

Does he need your consent? He should not have had an affair but if you're divorcing it's up to him now who he hads a relationship with, no?

AddToBasket · 04/01/2017 23:24

Is your consent relevant here?

Sorry, I know that sounds harsh but if you are getting a divorce you can't control who he has a relationship with or when they move in together.

You can say it hurts you and please could he take her to a different pub.

Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:25

I meant to say... aibu to be upset

OP posts:
ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 04/01/2017 23:26

Are you still living in the same house together?

Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:26

You're right, but it still feels so raw, it feels like he's making my healing even harder

OP posts:
Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:27

No he's moved out now

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 04/01/2017 23:27

You're getting a divorce. It's over. He doesn't need your consent. Focus on YOUR future, not his.

Weloveoptimus · 04/01/2017 23:27

Oh love, no YADNBU. Awful to through this.

Patriciathestripper1 · 04/01/2017 23:28

If your getting a divorced why would he need your consent or your permission to be with someone else?
He obviously didn't seek it when he was having the affair?
He sounds like an utter bollox anyway flaunting her in your local pub.
You may not think do now but you probably well rid.

Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:29

he thanked me for giving my consent, which I hadn't given, why does he need it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:29

I feel so lonely esp in the evenings

OP posts:
Blu · 04/01/2017 23:30

It sounds very hard OP, and he is cruel and selfish to take her to your regular pub at NY, etc.

YANBU to be upset.

Thank goodness you are divorcing such an uncaring, inconsiderate git.

ButteredToastAndStrawberryJam · 04/01/2017 23:30

I can understand how very hurtful that would be. Do you have children? If not, cut yourself completely off from him.

Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:31

I've got a list of reasons why I'm pleased to not be with him but there's something else there that keeps dragging me down

OP posts:
Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:32

I've 2 kids, the most amazing boys who are with me, feel blessed that I have them x

OP posts:
Blu · 04/01/2017 23:32

Tell him not to delude himself with talk of 'consent ', which is all about him trying to absolve himself of responsibility. Tell him you haven't 'consented ', his decisions reflect his behaviour alone.

Weloveoptimus · 04/01/2017 23:33

He is messing with your head. Don't overthink it, he obviously isn't.
Look after you....and btw you are well rid.

Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:34

Getting a divorce sucks and it still feels a bit surreal

OP posts:
Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:35

Bollox bollox bollox ....

OP posts:
Original poster
Darelydo · 04/01/2017 23:37

I'll go for a run in the morning and maybe that'll help
Night you all x

OP posts:
hesterton · 04/01/2017 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mirokarikovo · 04/01/2017 23:38

Really sorry to hear that you are going through this. The grief that you are feeling for the end of this relationship will go through many stages and I think you are at Anger right now. That's OK.

Obviously he's a git. He broke his vows and had an affair, broke your trust and broke your heart. You will survive this. He hasn't broken you. You will be ok.

However when you agreed to the divorce you agreed that the vows that he broke are going to stay broken. The two of you are no longer committed to one another for better or for worse. He no longer feels any responsibility to pretend to have that commitment. And in a sense he is right.

By all means be angry with him. He has massively let you down. But don't fixate on this specific thing. He would still be just as much of a bastard if he kept away from his girlfriend till the divorce was finalised. You would still have just as much cause to be angry. So point the anger at the big picture.

Pallisers · 04/01/2017 23:47

he thanked me for giving my consent, which I hadn't given, why does he need it?

Because he wants to say to people "oh it has all be so civilised. My ex even gave her approval of new girlfriend"

Your reply could be " why are you thanking me. I haven't given any consent. If you think I am endorsing your new relationship, think again. I think you are a shit because of how you treated me. I don't care a whit about any of your future relationships"

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